


Fools: how to fall in love

by evaricious



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Dates That Aren't Dates, Falling In Love, High School, M/M, Maid Cafe, Pining, Swearing, set in Japan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-03 02:49:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 48,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13331898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evaricious/pseuds/evaricious
Summary: Shinji Ishida doesn’t have any close friends, and he’s ok with that. He’s blunt and sarcastic and too cynical to care about what other people think. At least, this is what he tells himself when he’s already into the summer term of his first year of high school and he’s still as alone and friendless as he’s ever been. Except now there’s someone who doesn’t seem to be put off by his personality, and the more Shinji lets himself get involved the deeper he falls.





	1. Step 1: literally fall for him

**Author's Note:**

> (I know I said Rivals was next, but ssshh, have this in the meantime)
> 
> Written listening to Troye Sivan’s Blue Neighbourhood on endless repeat because I’m in love with the way that beautiful boy articulates feelings

My life’s never been particularly hard, not like you see in anime or manga anyway. I have no childhood trauma, I’ve never been bullied. You could say I’m “average”. That’s probably the best way to describe me. I get average grades, I’ll go to an average university. After graduating I guess I’ll get a normal job and live a very boring life. And I’m fine with that. Ambition is stupid. To try hard is a pain, and it’s a risk anyway; success is never guaranteed. It’s easier if I just keep my head down and stay out of trouble. Because after all: if no one expects anything from me then I can’t disappoint them, can I?

And it’s not like I’m usually preoccupied with thoughts like these, either. It’s the weather’s fault, I’m sure of it. Why does summer always make me feel nostalgic? Especially on days like this, and especially on early morning walks to school. It’s peaceful, no one but me on this long stretch of road. I’d nearly reached the foot of the hill, the winding path that led to my high school just around the corner as my head swirled with these thoughts. I hoisted my bag higher on my shoulder and felt the charm brush against my hand, drawing my attention to the small red patch a stark contrast against the navy blue of my school bag. I’d started this habit in middle school; buying charms for happiness. Every year at my first shrine visit I would buy a new one. I frowned as I recalled what had happened when I’d bought this one, because it _wasn’t_ for happiness. It’d been busy at the stall as I’d made my request, and I’d had to fight for a spot to offer my yen and receive the small paper bag with my charm inside. I’d realised too late that I’d been given the wrong one when I’d gone to attach it the next day, but I’d just shrugged and tied it on anyway, even though the gold threads spelled out that it was for attracting a soulmate. I mean, it wasn’t like I believed the things actually _worked_. How could a little piece of fabric have an effect on the universe? Buying them was just a harmless fantasy I indulged in; a way to make the harsh world seem a little softer, and I’d given it little thought since then. It was only for a year after all.

I’d already forgotten about it as I breathed in the crisp air. I felt different today: more energised. It was too early for the summer sun to have any sting to it and the warm sunshine on my skin felt nice as I closed my eyes and the breeze tousled my hair. I almost felt like skipping school; like I could spend all day on the banks of the river instead of sitting in a stuffy classroom for hours. This train of thought was abruptly interrupted when somebody came flying around the corner, crashing into me at full speed and sending us both tumbling to the ground.

“Ow,” I groaned pathetically. I was sprawled on the ground, my arm stinging from where I’d grazed it when I broke my fall. I blinked my eyes open; the clear blue sky stretched above me and I realised I was flat on my back on the sidewalk, the body who had barrelled into me still pinning me to the ground.

“Oh, it’s you,” a boy’s carefree voice said laughingly. “Sorry, we just keep running into each other. You alright?” I squinted up at him in confusion. First of all, he didn’t sound one tiny bit sorry. Secondly, I was positive I’d never seen him before in my life because he had the kind of face I didn’t think I’d forget, but despite his attractive smile his cocky attitude was pissing me off.

“Get off me,” I said irritably, struggling to get away from him and wincing as my arm stung again. He’d clearly mistaken me for someone else and I wasn’t in the mood to play, not with my arm likely bleeding from the gravel rash.

“Didn’t mean to make you fall for me,” he joked, and an outstretched hand hovered in my face. I slapped it away and climbed gingerly to my feet without aid.

“Do you usually assault people,” I began sullenly, brushing off my uniform before casting an eye over him; he was completely unscathed. “Or am I just a special exception?” He grinned at me, hands in his pockets as I stooped to swipe my bag off the ground.  “Watch where you’re going next time,” I advised drily as he rocked back on his heels to watch me.

“Sure thing, charm boy,” he shot back with a mock salute before pressing a hand flat to my chest. I reached up to catch whatever he’d given me, watching him with a frown as he strolled away. My fingers had closed around the soft edges and as I opened my palm I saw my charm, string broken and dangling uselessly. I felt a trickle of blood on my arm; there was a graze on my forearm and I turned my arm to see it, glancing between the scrape and the scrap of red clutched in my other hand.

That dumbass had broken my charm.

I looked over my shoulder to where he was disappearing around the bend, an uneasy feeling settling in my stomach. I had a bad feeling about this.

## #

 _I can’t believe I thought high school would be different,_ I thought listlessly as I stared out the window. _I should’ve just skipped like I wanted too._ My arm still stung where I’d grazed it this morning and I brushed at it impatiently. By the time I’d got to school it wasn’t bleeding so I’d bypassed the nurse’s office, voting to just go straight to class and get the day over with. If I’d known the commotion it would cause I would’ve had it taken care of though, because I’d barely sat down when Tanaka had asked loudly what happened and I was swamped with curious classmates.

“Nothing,” I snapped, and he fell back a step. “I just fell over,” I added in a less hostile tone, and thankfully I was left alone after that. _How embarrassing._ The attention I got for being class rep was bad enough; I didn’t need people teasing me for being a klutz too. The day had dragged on but by the afternoon I was pretty sure everyone had forgotten about it. For the last hour I’d been staring across the classroom, eyes unfocused as the trees stirred in the slight breeze outside. The incessant whine of cicadas and the warm summer air was threatening to lull me to sleep and I pinched my wrist in an effort to refocus on the unrelenting voice of Umeda-sensei as he failed to make the Meiji Restoration sound interesting. But at least the day was nearly over; I’d never been more grateful as the final bell that signalled our freedom rang over the raised voice telling us not to forget we had a quiz tomorrow.

“Ishida!”

The sound of my name made me look up to see Ume-sen waving me over. With a nod I shoved my books in my bag quickly, shouldering it as I weaved through the milling students to reach the teachers desk.

“What do you want?” I asked, trying to stifle the yawn that threatened and hiding it behind a hand as he bent to rummage through the papers on his desk. Umeda was young by teacher standards, but he didn’t let students push him around. The most we usually got away with was calling him Ume-sen, a nicknamed we’d quickly adopted after hearing the second years using it. Despite how he often complained about our manners I was pretty sure he secretly liked that we didn’t call him sensei. 

“Watch it,” he warned lightly, finally finding what he was looking for and frowning down at the transcript he now held. “I’m giving you the heads up. We have a new student starting tomorrow; help them settle in, ok?” he explained. I blinked at him mutely as that sunk in. Umeda didn’t just try to bore us to death with history; he was also our homeroom teacher. These nuisance tasks were exactly why I hadn’t wanted to be class rep, but unfortunately I was stuck with the job until autumn. A transfer student now seemed odd though, and I thoughtlessly voiced my opinion.

“Why’re they transferring at the end of term?” I asked, and when it occurred to me I added; “And why are they starting on a Wednesday?”

“I know,” Umeda seemed to agree; he was casting a disapproving glance down at the transcript again. “It’s all a bit…” he’d trailed off, and after a moment carried on like he hadn’t said anything. “Well, I’m counting on you. See ya!” And with that he had picked up his things and left me questioning what might have happened to necessitate moving at this time of year. But it seemed like the puzzle would be solved tomorrow with the arrival of the new student, and so I put it out of my mind as I walked to the bus stop that would take me home.

_A new student._

It was the juiciest gossip of the school year so far, but if I wanted to brag about my knowledge I’d have to talk to people and honestly that just seemed like a waste of effort, especially considering I didn’t really _have_ any knowledge. All I knew was that there’d be a new student tomorrow; I didn’t even know if they were a boy or a girl. With a shrug I adjusted my bag more securely. I hoped that whoever they were, they weren’t going to cause me any trouble.

## #

I kicked a pebble along the road, watching it bounce over the uneven surface before stuttering to a stop. I was tense, on edge since I’d first woken up this morning and I didn’t know why. All through breakfast I hadn’t been able to shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen today. My mother had noticed, commenting that I was even more sullen than usual. My sister Rui had laughed uproariously. Rui was just over half my age but even at eight she was a social butterfly and my polar opposite. I’d ignored them both, too wrapped up in my thoughts to pay them any attention.

By the time I reached the foot of the hill I’d realised what was bothering me: the boy from yesterday. This was where I’d met him, and a tiny flicker of hope that I might run into him again had crossed my mind. Not that I wanted to literally run into him again; once had been painful enough. But there was a quiet suggestion that _maybe_ I wouldn’t mind seeing him again. I ignored the niggling feeling of disappointment when I reached the school gates without incident. It was for the best anyway. What was I going to do? Tell him I thought he was cute? I’d never even made a friend let alone had a boyfriend. As much as it annoyed me to think, Rui was probably right; I was going to die alone.

When I arrived at the classroom it was in chaos. Regardless of my silence on the subject news of a transfer student had spread, probably directly from Ume-sen who didn’t seem to have anything better to do than gossip and it seemed like everyone was talking about it.

“Ishida!”

I turned to look over at the back row to see that it was Hideki Nakatsu who’d called me; a boy who’d gone to my middle school. I knew his friends from middle school too: Kaoru Tanaka and Yuuya Arai. I’d actually shared a class for the last three years with the Tanaka twins, Kaoru and his sister Kaori, and I’d been surprised we’d all ended up in the same class again at Meirin. “You hear we’re getting a new student?” Nakatsu asked and I nodded, not wanting to admit my lack of information if I could help it. “I wonder if it’s a boy or a girl?” he continued merrily, and I sat down while he looked longingly towards the hallway. “I hope it’s a hot chick.”

“I hope they join the judo club; all the seniors are quitting,” Arai said from his desk and I was relieved when Nakatsu’s attention turned to his friend.

“I wish _you’d_ quit, Yuu,” Nakatsu complained loudly. “You never get to hang with us anymore.”

“Yeah but I can kick your ass,” Arai shot back smoothly. “So it’s worth it.”

“Maybe we’ll just replace you with a new friend,” I heard Tanaka tease and Arai banged his head on his desk.

“Why am I even friends with you?” he moaned dramatically to a soundtrack of their laughter. I tuned them out, happy enough to be forgotten as I leaned on my desk to stare out the window. I didn’t want to get involved in their drama and it was pointless speculating about the new student; it wouldn’t change the outcome or the fact that we wouldn’t know until they got here.

“Boy! Boy! We’re getting a boy!” Kaori, the annoying Tanaka twin had burst into the room and declared her new knowledge to loud cheers from most of the girls. I could hear them perfectly as they crowded around her desk to pry for more details.

“How do you know?”

“Did you see him?”

“Alright, settle down,” Ume-sen called out, tapping a book casually on his shoulder as he strode into the room. The babble subsided as all eyes trained on the open doorway where a student was following him in. “As you’re clearly aware,” he shot an amused look at the girls as the group broke up, all returning to their own desks with stupid grins on their faces. “We have a new student joining us.” He gestured with the book for the new boy to introduce himself and my eyes widened in recognition. It was him. The boy who’d knocked me over yesterday.

“Hi, I’m Jun Sakurai,” he said with an easy grin, and there was an immediate twitter from the girls. “I’ve been looking forward to coming here.”

Umeda opened the floor for questions and Kaori immediately asked why he’d transferred.

“I really liked the uniform.”

He’d said it simply enough, even adding a shrug, and his casual admission earned a few laughs. But he’d touched his tie and it seemed almost instinctive. It certainly wasn’t to neaten his appearance; he was wearing it loose and the action seemed out of place to me because nothing about him gave the impression he was the anxious type. The next student was already asking their question and he was grinning confidently again, but it struck me that he’d just neatly side-stepped answering her actual question

“Do you have a girlfriend?” Kaori’s friend asked, and over the giggles he replied that no, he didn’t have a girlfriend.

“Wanna join the judo club?” Arai called out from the back, and the class erupted into laughter again. We’d _all_ been asked by Arai at one point or another. 

“Sorry,” Sakurai shrugged apologetically. “I probably won’t have time for a club.”

“Ok, if no one has any real questions we’ll get started.” Sakurai nodded, and I wondered if it was relief I saw on his face as Ume-sen scanned the classroom for an empty desk. “You can take the free seat at the back; if you have any questions our class rep Ishida will help you out. Ishida, raise your hand.” I slowly raised my hand, and as Sakurai’s eyes fixed on me I thought I saw a flash of recognition cross his face.

I kept my face carefully neutral as he moved down the aisle to take the empty desk at the back. I didn’t like him being out of my line of sight. It was making me nervous, and Umeda had put him two rows back and directly behind mine; there was no way for me to see him without obviously turning around. _Damn you, Umeda_ , I thought uncharitably as I tried to put him out of mind.

Despite my resolve to ignore him, at the first lesson break I couldn’t help but notice Nakatsu befriending Sakurai, and as I pretended to read my book I had half an ear on their conversation.

“So where’d you transfer from?” I heard Nakatsu ask, and I turned a page slowly as I listened for the answer.

“Toshima High. Shinjuku,” he said simply before asking, “So you’re in the Judo club?” And even though he was obviously changing the subject again, Nakatsu seemed oblivious and laughed as Arai piped up.

“That’s me; these two lazy bums are in the going home club.”

“Now that's a club I can join,” he said with a laugh, and with the rise in the general chatter in the classroom I gave up trying to listen as it drowned them out, concentrating on my book instead as I waited for the next class to start.

## #

By the time lunch had rolled around I was sure that Nakatsu was going to swoop in and take over my tour duties, but as I put my books away I heard a voice call out.

“Umeda said you’d show me around.”

I stood up abruptly, noting that the classroom had already mostly emptied.

“I guess he did,” I replied reluctantly, pushing to my feet and making my chair scrape loudly. I didn’t really want to waste a lunch hour being a tour guide. I mean it’s not like I didn’t like looking at him, but this was _exactly_ why I hadn’t wanted to be stupid class rep in the first place. If stupid Ume-sen hadn’t overruled me and insisted I accept the stupid job when I’d been nominated I wouldn’t be here right now. But whatever, I was stuck here now; might as well just get it over with. “Did you bring lunch?” I asked, and when he shook his head I gestured for him to follow me. “This way then,” I told him, and I led him down the hall.

“There’s a cafeteria but it’s overpriced rubbish,” I told him as we approached the crowd vying for the attention of three ladies standing behind a table stacked with wrapped baked goods. “What you want is the yakisoba bun but you’ve gotta be quick.” I scanned the selection, noting there still seemed to be plenty and we both pushed our way to the front. I’d managed to get my coveted yakisoba but Sakurai emerged with a curry bun.

“Another good choice,” I commented, and he grinned as I gestured he follow me to my bench outside. We mostly ate in silence, and for a few minutes I almost forgot I was supposed to be showing Sakurai around, until he ruined the peaceful moment by starting to ask questions about the campus, that is. I answered them as briefly as I could.

“Dorms are next door,” I said, pointing in the direction of the building rising beyond the far fence. “They’re not accessible during the day. Gym’s this way,” I gestured to the path leading around the back of the building and we rose to our feet, rubbish balled up to throw in the bins. As we walked towards the gym I pointed out the oval, turning away quickly when I spotted our idiot classmates in the shade of a tree. I could make out the silhouette of Nakatsu as he tackled Arai to the ground and my lips flattened into a hard line. If they came back covered in grass stains it’d be their own fault. “There’s really not much else,” I said, turning away abruptly. “Just the nurses office and the library.”

“So, you’re class rep, huh?” Sakurai asked wryly, and I shot him an annoyed look. I knew he was talkative but this would be so much easier if he’d just shut up and let me get the tour over and done with.

“Yes,” I replied shortly, hoping that if I didn’t encourage him he’d get the message, but so far it didn’t look like it was working.

“I guess I’m in trouble then,” he said, and I levelled a blank stare at him because I honestly had no clue what he was on about.

“Why?” I asked despite my better judgement, hoping my exasperation was obvious because I was sick of him already. His eyes narrowed for a moment before he grinned at me, and I froze in shock as he reached out to tousle my hair. It took me a moment before I could recover enough to slap his hand away. He was laughing at me, and I knew I must look ridiculous as I dragged a hand back through my hair to straighten it, glaring daggers at him as he skipped a few steps away. _What the hell is this guy’s problem?_ I thought, clicking my tongue in annoyance because I still had to show him the library when all I really wanted was to just abandon him and enjoy my lunch break in peace.

“You really don’t remember me, do you?”

I looked over my shoulder at him, giving him a quick once over. He was standing with his hands in his pockets again; did he think it made him look cool? I curled my lip at him as I replied,

“You’re the idiot who ran into me yesterday.” My humourless smirk turned into a frown; maybe he thought I was going to get him into trouble for knocking me over. Hardly. It wasn’t like I really cared. Sure, I’d been pissed that my charm had broken, but it was safe in my bag and I had plans to return it to the shrine soon; I’d just buy another one. He’d been watching me with cool amusement, and he wasn’t trying to hide the smile breaking out at my announcement.

“Huh,” he said simply, and I watched as he shrugged his shoulders dismissively. “So where’s this library you mentioned?”

To my utter surprise, Sakurai seemed genuinely interested in the library. I’d only intended to give him the basic rundown, but he’d zoomed off to the stacks and I trailed after him, falling silent as he started moving down the row, one hand trailing over the book spines while he read the titles.

“Already read, read, read _twice_ , ooh this’s new,” I heard him murmur under his breath, plucking a book from the shelf, and I stood in stunned silence as he opened it, skimmed the contents and flicked to a chapter. I couldn’t read the cover but a glance at the shelf revealed it was probably science-y and therefore of no interest to me.

“You can check it out if you want,” I told him, watching as his eyes scanned the printed text quickly. After a moment he shook himself back to reality, shutting the book with a snap but still hanging on to it.

“No, I’ll just read it when I’m here,” he said shortly, and with one last puzzled look at him I gave up.

“Well that’s the tour,” I told him flatly, gesturing to the front desk. You can check out up to ten books at a time. It’s open every lunch and after school.” I wasn’t sure what else to tell him and I was starting to feel awkward, so I took a step away. “I’ll leave you to it,” I said, nodding at the shelf before turning and walking away. He’d surprised me; that was all. He’d surprised me and now I wasn’t sure if my first evaluation had been accurate.

Putting Sakurai and his incongruous interest in science aside, I returned to my favourite lunch spot, still blessedly vacant as I wasted the rest of the lunch hour on my latest app addiction. Sakurai was a puzzle, and if I was being honest an interesting one. No one swaps schools for a better-looking uniform, so why Meirin? It made me think he might have got into some kind of trouble at his old school, or maybe I was just overthinking it. I frowned as I ran out of time again, hitting retry as I forced myself to focus. He was annoying me already. The last thing I wanted to do was waste my time trying to unravel a useless mystery.

I was almost ready to admit defeat, completely unable to concentrate on the game, when Nakatsu’s group came wandering back from the oval. They detoured over to question me just as I closed the app in disgust.

“Hey,” Nakatsu’s loud voice called out and I frowned up at them.

“Weren’t you showing Sakurai around?” Tanaka asked and my gaze settled on him as I replied.

“Finished already,” I told him. “If you’re looking for him he’s probably still in the library.” I rose to my feet, shouldering past them as I headed back to the classroom. No matter where I went in this school it seemed impossible to get any peace.

Fortunately the final lessons of the day flew by, and before long I was packing up at the final bell, thinking I’d probably head straight home. I’d made it to the shoe lockers and out the front door without anyone bothering me, but as I walked towards the gate I heard a voice call me back.

“Thanks for the tour,” Sakurai said, jogging over to me and stopping a few feet away. “See you tomorrow, Ishida-kun,” he added brightly, and with that he jogged past me, leaving me standing alone, feeling perplexed and wishing that Jun Sakurai had never transferred to Meirin Academy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Language/culture notes: Omamori, or charms, can be purchased at Shinto shrines and Buddhist temples. Most places carry all the general ones (“Love”, “Happiness”, “To pass exams”, “Safe childbirth”, “Safe travel” etc). Like Ofuda (paper strips bearing the name of the shrine to paste in your Shinto shrine at home), omamori are an extension of the god of the shrine it comes from. You should treat your charm respectfully, and once it’s done it’s job or at the end of the year you should return it to the shrine it came from (do not take it to a different one, unless it’s the same god, eg. Tenmangu has shrines in Tokyo, Kyoto etc).


	2. Step 2: get to know him

It was amazing to me how quickly Sakurai had settled in. It was only his second day but already he had fit in seamlessly with Nakatsu and his friends, which I guess wasn’t that surprising – he was turning out to be just as loud and annoying as them. When I’d arrived this morning he’d been sitting cross-legged on Nakatsu’s desk, leaning carelessly back against the window, the centre of attention as he related something that had them all in stitches.

I ignored them, or tried too anyway, folding my arms on my desk to rest my head before Ume-sen inevitably came in to start the day. I was grateful that at least my official class rep duties towards Sakurai were officially discharged now; if he’d already found friends I didn’t need to feel obligated to stick with him. By lunchtime I’d almost convinced myself I didn’t care, but I’d spotted Nakatsu’s group, still only three sitting under their usual tree. With a vague hope I was determined not to examine too closely I’d found myself in the library, peering at titles I’d already read as I tried to ignore the way my palms got sweaty when I spotted Sakurai sitting in the far corner, head bowed over an open book. I’d been loitering by the fiction shelves so long that the senior on the front desk was starting to eye me suspiciously, so I plucked a volume at random from the shelf and settled on the other side of the room. From the corner of my eye I saw him look over as I sat down, but I kept my eyes firmly on the page instead of acknowledging him.

 _You’re being ridiculous,_ I scolded myself, but I reasoned there was no harm in what I was doing, because I was painfully aware someone like Sakurai was never going to be friends with someone like me. I was prepared to admit I liked his face; I guess he was what you’d call my type? On the surface, anyway. _Not that it matters what my type is_ , I thought bitterly. I’d never been very good at getting along with people; I always managed to say the wrong thing, so I’d given up trying years ago. It was easier to just avoid everyone rather than constantly worry that I was going to disappoint them, which was why I was stalking Sakurai in the library, sneaking looks at him instead of striking up a conversation like a normal person. 

I was surprised to find when the bell went I was still staring at the first page of my book. I snapped it shut, wondering self-consciously if anyone had noticed me being weird. I was pretty sure I was safe from Sakurai noticing at least. He’d hardly looked up from the book he’d been reading; even from across the room I’d heard the pages turning.

“Hey,” a voice said, and I looked up to see him looming over me. “Heading back to class?” he asked, and I wondered if I could come up with a convenient excuse to avoid walking with him but my mind was distressingly blank.

“…yes,” I said, like an idiot, but even though he was smiling I got the feeling that he wasn’t laughing at me as he gave a head tilt towards the door.

“Come on, then. I might get lost on my own.”

On the walk back Sakurai asked me about the book I’d been pretending to read, and I was monumentally grateful I’d read it last year because it turned out that he’d read it before too, and I would have been caught in a lie instantly.

“It’s a good look at morality, don’tcha think?” he questioned excitedly, and I grudgingly admitted that that was what had drawn me into the story in the first place. “Who’s your fav chara? I’ll bet it’s Natsuno; he’s amazing, right?” he said in a rush, but we’d reached the classroom and before I could reply the teacher walked in the door and called us to attention.

I was distracted all through English, but as I wasn’t being called on I got away with daydreaming instead of following the readings. It seemed like Sakurai might have unsuspected depth, and I was having a hard time reconciling the carefree idiot that literally crashed into my life and this new Sakurai who actually read books and was interested in science things.

## #

By Friday, hanging out in the library at lunch already felt like my new routine, but instead of staying at his table in the corner this time Sakurai looked up as I sat down, climbing to his feet and bringing his book over.

“Sick of Nakatsu and Co already?” I commented as Sakurai sat down across from me. I kept my eyes firmly on the page but even though I’d opened the manga I hadn’t taken in a single thing on the page. “I don’t blame you – I’d hide in the library, too.”

“No,” he said evenly, a ghost of a smile on his face. “Just felt like reading.”

I turned the page, conscious of avoiding being caught out like I could have easily been yesterday, but I’d noticed he was onto a different book from yesterday.

“Clearly. You’re gonna run out of material if you don’t pace yourself.” I’d looked up in time to see him shrug, eyes still on the page.

“There’s always the net. And I like this kinda stuff,” he explained simply, and I lost my page as I dropped my book on the table. 

“What kinda stuff?” I asked, and he’d finally looked up from his book.

“Robots. Advanced tech. Cool shit like that,” he said, eyes shining. 

I should have left it at that, but it was impossible to ignore him when he was so obviously passionate about it. I’d already forgotten what I’d been reading anyway when I asked, “Why?”

“Isn’t it like manga in real life? Look at this,” he turned the book around so I could see the page. I stared dispassionately at a photo of a little robot that looked a bit like astroboy. “We’re building robots with facial recognition and speech capabilities; don’t you think that’s amazing?”

I frowned down at the article, scanning over the text that explained “kirobo” was a robot that had kept crew company on the International Space Station before replying, “It’s kinda creepy.”

“It’s not creepy!” he insisted hotly, and I looked up to see the senior on the front desk glaring at us.

“Alright, keep your voice down,” I told him in a loud whisper. “I guess it’s pretty cool,” I grudgingly admitted, and he grinned at me.

“You _guess_ ,” he said with a laugh, but the senior was still shooting us death glares and Sakurai climbed to his feet. “Let’s get out of here,” he suggested, finally lowering his voice. I let him take the slim volume from me, but when a grin lit up his face I realised belatedly what must have occurred to him. “Surely my robots are no creepier than a soul-possessed suit of armour,” he joked, holding up the cover of the manga to show a full colour picture of the Full Metal Alchemist manga I’d being pretending to read.

“You’ve made your point,” I told him in a cranky whisper, and with a chuckle he dropped both books back on the return cart. “Where do you wanna go?” I asked once we were safely out of the library.

“Wanna go to the oval?” he asked. “Nakatsu and everyone’ll be there.”

“No,” I said shortly, and he shrugged.

“Then I guess it’s up to you.” We were walking towards the bench I normally ate my lunch at, my feet carrying me in the familiar direction. Next to me Sakurai sighed and stretched his arms overhead, looking up at the clear blue sky.

“I’m glad I transferred here,” he commented happily.

“Why _did_ you transfer here?” I asked bluntly, and he shot me a mischievous look.

“Why? Aren’t you glad I’m here, Ishida-kun~?” he asked teasingly, and I easily sidestepped away as he reached out to grab me. Where I’d stopped I had a perfect view of a group of third years leaning against the gym, and while I watched I saw one of them light a cigarette.

“Remind me to tell Ume-sen the seniors are smoking on school grounds again,” I said, wrinkling my nose at them before adding, “Maybe they’ll get kicked out for good this time.” 

“Savage,” Sakurai said, his tone playfully light but when I turned around he was frowning at me. I shrugged; I didn’t have the patience to play this game today.

“If they didn’t want to get in trouble they shouldn’t have broken school rules,” I said simply as he raised an eyebrow at me.

“Remind me not to break any school rules around you,” he said drily as I turned abruptly and walked away. “Hey! I thought we were gonna hang out?” he shouted after me, and without looking back I raised a hand in a dismissive wave.

“Go annoy someone else, Sakurai,” I called back, and I guess he must have, because he didn’t follow me back to the classroom.  

## #

The knock on my door stirred me from the dreams I’d been trying to slip back into, and the voice of my mother chased away the last threads of sleep as I struggled to sit upright.

“Shin-chan, don’t forget you promised you’d take Rui to the city today.” The reminder was unwelcome, and I rubbed at the sleep in my eyes as I tried to think of an excuse to get out of minding my annoying sister all Saturday. It was in vain; I knew that ma had work to do, and lately our dad was at work at all hours. Ever since his promotion we’d hardly even seen him; ma liked to joke that his new home was police headquarters. So that meant that keeping an eye on the bane of my existence was my responsibility.

“Shin-nichan!” the excited yells of the little gremlin herself was the next thing that greeted my ears, and with a melodramatic moan I climbed from bed, pulling on a shirt so that I could go in search of breakfast. “Shin-nichan, hurry up!” Rui had barrelled into me in the hallway and I lifted her up, glaring blearily as I moved her out of the way and set her down again. She was already outfitted in the most ridiculous dress I’d ever seen, royal blue with frills and lace and ribbons everywhere.

“What the hell are you wearing?” I demanded to know, still pushing forwards to the kitchen where I knew I would find food.

“My princess dress!” Rui announced happily at the same time I heard my mother say sharply,

“Shinji! Don’t speak to your sister like that!” I shrugged as Rui ran around the living room, jumping up on the sofa and leaping down again all while shrieking loudly. If she was going to assault my ear drums this early in the morning then I would reply in kind. “Where in the city are you going?” she asked, and I quickly shoved my toast in my mouth to avoid having to answer right away. I knew where Rui wanted to go and honestly I’d been dreading it. Normally I just refused her whims but the little witch had found my secret shelf of forbidden manga last week and she was currently blackmailing me. If the choice was between taking Rui to a maid café or explaining my collection of BL manga then I was going to go with the lesser of the two evils, but I doubted very much that our mother would approve of our plans. 

“We might go to Akiba,” I said offhandedly, swallowing my toast and washing it down with a gulp of orange juice. That much was true anyway, and the less I lied the less likely I was to be caught. “Might buy a new game and hit up Animate.” I risked a glance over as my mother put her dishes in the sink. She seemed distracted, brushing the stray crumbs from her skirt before she picked up her handbag.

“That sounds nice. Take care of your sister,” she said distractedly, and I breathed a sigh of relief as she turned to catch Rui in a hug. “Behave for Shin-ni, ok darling?” she said brightly, and then she disappeared down the stairs while Rui crawled in a very undignified manner onto the chair next to me.

“You haven’t forgotten, have you?” she asked wickedly, and I shot her a dirty look.

“Of course not,” I told her darkly, not liking the glint in her eyes. “But don’t you dare tell ma where we’re going; she’ll murder me,” I warned her. That seemed to satisfy her and I was left in peace to finish my breakfast for at least another five minutes before she was back, tugging insistently on my arm and demanding that it was time to _go_ already.

The ride into town was relatively tame, for normal Rui-standards anyway. She usually never sat still but she was behaving today. She was attracting a lot of unwanted attention in her elaborate dress though, but while Rui usually thrived on the attention today she was ignoring it, content to stand next to me on the crowded train as she eagerly anticipated the treat she’d been waiting for all week. I had no idea why she wanted to go to a maid café, and even less idea where she’d even heard of them, but that had been the price of her silence. I didn’t want to be grounded and so here I was, paying up.

“Is this it?” she asked excitedly, and I nodded my confirmation as I gestured her up the narrow stairs. I’d never been to a maid café before, but I’d been carrying around a promotional flyer for one for the last month and as I knew where it was, it seemed like the logical place to go. The signs advertised it was on the second floor and Rui bounded up ahead, deaf to my pleas that she wait for me. At the top of the stairs was a plain glass door, but the decals covering it depicting a heavily ornate wooden entrance and the banner across the top featured several artfully made-up girls. We hadn’t passed anyone else on the stairs, and I hoped that by arriving so early in the day that we could be in and out before anyone could catch me in this place. I grabbed Rui’s hand as she reached for the door, and with my other I helped her push the door open.

“Welcome back, Young Mistress!” sang a chorus of girls, and as the door swung open I looked up at the three maids beaming at us. “Welcome back, Master!” the two maids either side sung happily, but my eyes had locked on the face of the blonde-haired maid in the middle, and as she stuttered over the greeting I watched her face turning bright red under her makeup. She looked kinda familiar, but before I could say anything she had turned and fled, and I saw the other two exchange brief looks before Rui and I were escorted to a table.

“I’m a _real_ princess,” Rui told me importantly as I cast an eye over the menu. She was sitting up in her seat, her level gaze on me distracted as she spotted a maid returning with a tray and I rolled my eyes at her childishness.

“Would you like to order a drink, Young Mistress?” the maid asked, setting two glasses of water on the table before focusing on Rui. She was kicking her feet under the table in delight and I winced as the toe of her pointy shoe caught me on the knee.

“Yes! I would like English tea,” Rui said carefully, and I rolled my eyes again. The appeal of a maid café was making sense now; Rui was living her fantasy of being waited on like a real-life princess.

“Good choice,” the maid smiled indulgently at Rui, and then she turned to me. “And a drink for Master?” It was impossible not to feel embarrassed. I was pretty sure half of my blush was on her behalf, because how could she just say things like that? But I managed to ask for an iced coffee without embarrassing myself, and then she was thankfully disappearing again.

Rui was being surprisingly well behaved; she’d listened to me when I told her to wait until her tea was cool enough to drink, and now she was quietly humming to herself as she coloured in a picture that our maid had brought to the table with a small pack of pencils. I was mostly ignoring her, drinking my overpriced iced coffee and wishing I’d been brave enough to use the stupid coupon for a free drink that was currently crumpled up in my bag. While I silently berated myself I surreptitiously watched the maid from earlier as she greeted another “master”, leading them to a table at the far end of the room. She really did look familiar, and her embarrassment seemed to suggest that she knew me too, but who was she? Someone from school? As these thoughts turned over in my mind, I saw another maid motioning her over as she sang out,

“Oh _Sa~ku~ra_ ~chan!”

As I watched she stood up straight, turning stiffly on the spot until our eyes locked.

A brilliant flush was creeping over her face again before she hurried away, and I watched dumbfounded as my brain made the jump from _Sakura_ to _Sakurai_.

“No,” I whispered, not quite believing it but nothing else made more sense. He must have known he was busted too, because he’d slunk away after playing a ridiculous game of rock-paper-scissors, my eyes boring into the back of his head the whole time, and he’d yet to appear again on the floor.

_Why is Sakurai dressed like a girl and working at a maid café?!_

Rui was oblivious to the huge bombshell that had just dropped. She’d finished her tea and now our lunch had arrived; two plates of omurice were on the table and next to us was a happily smiling maid, poised and ready to write something on it in ketchup.

“Can you write “princess” on mine?” Rui asked with shining eyes, and the maid complied, carefully writing the word as Rui clapped excitedly.

“And for Master?” she asked, turning to me, and I looked at her levelly.

“Can Sakura-chan write mine?” I asked abruptly, but to her credit the maid recovered quickly.

“Of course! Just one moment, please,” she said, and I watched as she disappeared out the back. I wondered if it was my imagination; I thought I could hear the sound of a disagreement happening from the other room, but soon Sakurai emerged, ketchup bottle in hand and a murderous look on his made-up face.

“What do you want?” he asked through smiling teeth, and I grinned up at him placidly while Rui ate, happily oblivious to the death glare I was receiving. Now that I’d realised the truth I wondered how I’d missed it before. Despite the eyelashes that _had_ to be fake, the lipstick and the masses of blonde curls it was unmistakeably him. I’d die before I admitted it out loud, but for a girl he was actually kinda pretty.

“Nice dress,” I told him quietly, with a quick glance at Rui to make sure she wasn’t paying any attention to us. “Interesting job you have, _Sakura-chan._ ” I watched gleefully as he gripped the ketchup bottle tighter.

“It’s none of your business,” he shot back.

“I wonder if Umeda knows about this,” I continued, voice still lowered as Rui hummed happily on the other side of the table.

“You wouldn’t.” His voice had dropped to a horrified whisper, and I grinned as I spread my hands wide.

“What kind of a class rep would I be if I let this little infraction go?” I asked, and before I could react he pulled my plate closer, quickly writing ‘go to hell’ on my omurice and stalking back to the next room.

“Do you know her?” Rui asked, finally taking notice of me and I looked over my shoulder at the still-swinging curtains where Sakurai had just vanished.

“I thought I did,” I told her thoughtfully, reflecting that I’d clearly been wrong as I lifted my fork and took a big bite out of “hell”.


	3. Step 3: have a bonding moment

I’d been waiting for Monday morning and a confrontation ever since my discovery, but while I had imagined threats, glares, or at least some kind of fight or hostility, I was shocked that Sakurai appeared to be flat-out ignoring my existence. It was galling, mostly because I’d never had this kind of leverage over someone before and I’d been itching to see how far I could push him, but he wasn’t even giving me a chance to have fun with it.

I’d turned up at the library at lunch like normal, but as soon as I’d settled down with a book Sakurai had abruptly left, and he hadn’t come back all lunch. By the time the final school bell rang I was feeling peeved; I’d never been avoided like this before and I was quickly discovering that I didn’t like it.

“Are you ignoring me?” I called out as he brushed past me, because Sakurai had been walking quickly, head down and hands deep in his pockets, but now he paused as my question reached him. I waited, feet rooted to the spot as he slowly turned around.

“Fine, let’s just get this over with,” he said, a note of exasperation in his voice. “What do you want?” I just stared, bewildered by both his question and his tone. What did I do to earn this kind of contempt?

“What—?” I started to ask, but he was quickly closing the distance between us, then roughly pulling me aside, dragging my after him by the arm until we’d rounded the corner and were out of sight.

“I can’t afford to lose this job,” he said seriously, and I blinked at him, rubbing at my arm where he’d gripped me.

“Why would you lose your job?” I asked, still confused about where this was going.

“Because Meirin students aren’t supposed to work, are they?” he spat irritably.

“I don’t see what that has to do with me,” I insisted, and he laughed humourlessly.

“You’re telling me you’re _not_ going to rat me out?” he asked doubtfully, and I gave him my very blankest stare.

“Why would I rat you out?” I asked, honestly puzzled at where this was going, because how could that benefit me?

“Of course,” he said, finally stepping away. “You’ll keep quiet for a price, right? How much?” he’d been so forceful up until now that when he hesitated is was glaringly obvious. He was frowning, expression hardening into a glare as soon as he realised. “I just – I can’t pay you right now.”

I stared at him in stunned silence. Obviously he'd taken my joke yesterday seriously, but I'd never intended to tell Ume-sen about Maid Town. I hadn't been planning on telling anyone actually. How had this conversation fallen so far out of my control? I didn’t want _anything_ from Sakurai, not unless you counted being able to tease him, but with the face he was making right now I couldn’t even remember what the appeal in that had been.

“Will you relax?” I said finally, shoving him roughly in the shoulder until he was forced to stumble backwards. I dropped my gaze; he was still glaring at me as I insisted, “I don’t want anything from you, ok?”

“Bullshit,” he stated adamantly, and I heaved a sigh at his attitude.

“ _Dude_ ,” I stressed, “I _don’t care_. You can wear a wig to school for all the difference it makes to me.” I watched as his cheeks flushed red, but coupled with the narrowed eyes it seemed more to do with anger than embarrassment.

“Some class rep you are,” he shot back nastily. “I guess you don’t want Ume-sen to know you were there either.” I stared at him blankly as he narrowed his eyes at me. “I suggest you find a new café to visit, pervert,” he said harshly, and with a final sneer he was gone, disappearing back around the corner before I could explain myself. I slumped against the wall with my mind reeling. _What the hell just happened?_ I wasn’t dobbing him in, why was he angry with me?

## #

Sakurai’s attitude had been on my mind all night, and despite telling myself it was useless to try I still found myself formulating plans to talk to him today. As I approached the classroom I felt a flutter of nerves. I couldn’t work out why he bothered me so much. I’d thought I’d made it pretty clear that I wasn’t interested in getting him in trouble but maybe something else had been wrong. Maybe he’d just been embarrassed, and who could blame him? I wouldn’t be caught dead in all the frills and lace he’d been wearing. I’d settled on a plan to inform him I’d already forgotten about the whole thing, and I hoped that with that he’d go back to normal.

Sakurai’s conspicuous absence from the classroom was the first setback in my plan.

I stopped in the doorway, eyes raking over the students present until they landed on Sakurai’s vacant desk. From the window Nakatsu had waved a greeting but I ignored him, keeping my eyes down as I made my way to my desk, pulling a book from my bag as I wondered if maybe Sakurai had overslept.

By the end of the first lesson I’d given up hope that Sakurai was just running late. He was clearly skipping today, and honestly I couldn’t blame him. It had been an unseasonably cool morning and as I’d walked to school I’d been tempted to skip by the river myself.

 _Tomorrow_ , I thought to myself as the final bell of the day rang. _He’ll be back tomorrow and we’ll sort it out then._

## #

“Ishida~”

The sound of my name being sung loudly across the classroom had me hunching over in my seat before a hand landed heavily on my shoulder. “Yo! What’s up?” Nakatsu had pulled out the chair at the empty desk in front of mine, sitting down backwards as he crossed his arms on my desk.

“What do you want?” I asked suspiciously. Sakurai was absent again this morning and I was resolved to ignore it, pulling out a book as Nakatsu watched me with his smile fading a little around the edges.

“Nothing,” he said, the fingers of one hand drumming on the table before he slapped his palm flat. “Just wondering if you wanna hang with us today.” He reminded me of Sakurai, or I suppose because I’d known Nakatsu longer, Sakurai reminded me of him. Either way, I found them both annoying.

“Not really,” I said, finding my page and looking deliberately at my book. I saw him cast a dubious glance at the book before sliding a finger under it, lifting it up until he could read the title.

“Sakurai’s always reading, too,” he said, frowning at the book and letting it drop back down again. “Don’t you get bored reading all the time?” I gave up on the book to stare at him blankly.

“Well you see, there’s lots of _different_ books,” I said sarcastically. “It’s not like I’m reading the same thing over and over.” I heard a suppressed laugh and I darted a startled look over at Tanaka, sitting at his desk next to mine, to see he’d dropped his head onto his folded arms and his shoulders were silently shaking.

“I know that…” Nakatsu said sheepishly while I rolled my eyes at him. He’d given up, and as I returned my attention to the page Nakatsu went back to his desk, stopping to give Tanaka a friendly shove as he sat back up again with a huge grin on his face. “Oh, shut up,” he mumbled, embarrassed but starting to smile as he slid into his chair, looking up again as Arai arrived and shouted out a friendly greeting.  

Still no Sakurai. I wondered if he was doing it on purpose. Did he know I was feeling guilty about Monday? Maybe he was deliberately staying away to make me stew. That thought sent a rush of indignant anger through me and I spent the entire day plotting how I was going to get him back for it, but no matter how many plans I came up with, it didn’t change the fact that the day went by without a word from him.

## #

I’d gone home yesterday full of righteous anger, but this morning that had faded and I was starting to feel almost worried, because Sakurai was missing from school again. I glared at his empty desk, wondering how he planned to pass the end of term exams next week when he’d only just started and was now missing all the practice quizzes. Not that any of that was my problem, and he was just irresponsibly skipping anyway so if he didn’t care, why should I? I forced myself to fix my eyes on my own desk, two seats further down the row just as Nakatsu burst noisily into the classroom.

“Yo!” he called loudly to his friends, all currently gathered around Tanaka’s desk by the window. I’d pulled out my seat to sit down, eyes firmly forward but unable to ignore him as he voiced my thoughts. “Still no Sakurai?” I leaned my cheek on my hand, turning to watch them as they greeted each other with a ridiculous routine of complicated hand slaps and fake punches.

“Nah, dude. Must be really sick, d’ya reckon?” I heard Arai comment to a murmur of general assent.

“Ishida!” With a start I realised that Nakatsu had caught my eye. There was no way I could pretend I wasn’t looking at them so I turned in my chair to face them more fully.

“Yes?” I asked guardedly, wondering why they were dragging me into this.

“You’re friends with Sakurai; have you heard from him since Monday?” he asked earnestly, and I stared in shock.

“I’m not friends with Sakurai,” I told him flatly, and I watched as they exchanged confused looks.

“Really? But you’re always in the library together,” Tanaka said inquisitively before Arai butted in to add,

“And he said you guys hung out last weekend.”

I froze, realising they must be referring to last Saturday when Rui and I had unfortunately marched straight into the one maid café in Akihabara we shouldn’t have. I wondered what Sakurai had told them exactly. Surely not the _truth_. 

“That was just a coincidence,” I said, and despite that fact that I wasn’t even lying I felt a blush heat my cheeks anyway. I fervently wished this interrogation wouldn’t last long. “We happened to be in the same place, that’s all.”

“Oh,” Nakatsu said, and it might have been my imagination but he sounded almost disappointed. “Do you think you could you get his address from Ume-sen? We wanna check on him,” he explained, but I was already shaking my head.

“No, I don’t think so,” I said levelly, and I cut the conversation by turning back to the blackboard. I wasn’t going to get roped into breaching a student’s privacy. Not for Nakatsu and his idiot friends and certainly not for Sakurai.

Or so I thought.

“Ishida,” Umeda called, and I sighed as he beckoned me up to his desk. The day had dragged but it was finally over; I’d been looking forward to going home and wasting time on video games, but judging by the way Umeda was marching to the door with orders to follow him to the staff room it looked like I wasn’t getting away that easily.

“What do you want? I’m busy today,” I lied, but I followed him up the stairs anyway. Umeda tucked his books under his arm as his long strides took him up the steps two at a time.

“You’re the worst class rep,” he complained, but he was laughing. “I want you to stop by Sakurai’s; I’ve got some homework for him,” he added. I frowned, invisible to Umeda as I lagged behind him.

“Why don’t you do it?” I asked irritably.

“What kind of teacher would I be if I didn’t use my class rep as a gopher?” he joked, and my hands balled into fists. _A respectable one,_ I thought nastily, but out loud I asked,

“He’s sick then?” I couldn’t help it; I wanted to know. And Umeda’s easy laugh lifted any worry I might have been feeling.

“Sick of school, maybe. I dunno, but at this rate he’s got no hope of passing the exams.” _Tell me about it,_ I thought to myself, realising we’d reached the staff room and I paused at the door, bowing stiffly to the other visible teachers before trailing after Umeda, who was now rummaging around the mess of papers on his desk. “Here we go,” he announced triumphantly, extracting an untidy sheaf of papers which he unceremoniously thrust at me. I grimaced at the mess unhappily, noting that they seemed to include the practice quizzes we’d been doing all week and I tried to straighten them out before tucking them into my bag. “And you’ll need an address,” he said genially, and I nodded absently as he logged on to his computer. I averted my eyes as he pulled up Sakurai’s file, listening to the scratch of the pen as Umeda hurriedly copied out the information I needed. I accepted the scrap of paper, ducking my head in another shallow bow before taking my leave.

“See you tomorrow, _sensei_ ,” I stressed, Umeda picking up on the sarcasm and waving me off laughingly.

“I’m counting on you, Ishida-kun,” was his teasing reply, and before I could make eye contact with any other staff I hightailed it out of there.

## #

 _This can’t be the right place_ , I thought, checking the address again as a rundown building came into view. I wished now I _had_ peeked at Sakurai’s file, because Umeda’s handwriting was godawful. But if I was reading it right then this was the address, and as I climbed the stairs to the first level I spied a handwritten name plate outside apartment number five that read _Sakurai_. A quick glance around revealed that the street was empty, and I hurriedly pressed the doorbell before someone came along and spotted me loitering outside the door. There was no answering chime from the apartment, and I pressed the button again, frowning when it again failed to make any audible noise. Was the battery flat? I could see this was a neglected-looking neighbourhood, but surely Sakurai’s parents could afford to replace some dead batteries.

I knocked instead and waited patiently for another ten seconds before my irritation started to climb. Honestly, I had better things to be doing than wasting time running around after my absentee classmate, and I was prepared to just shove the homework at whoever opened the door, but so far it didn’t seem like anyone was even home.

“Sakurai...san?” I called, tacking on the suffix just in case there was a responsible adult on the other side of the door, but the only sound that reached my ears was a cough. “Sakurai?” I knocked again, louder this time, and a faint groan replaced the coughing. “Sakurai?” I reached for the door handle, but to my surprise it was unlocked, because as I rattled it the door unlatched.

“…Sakurai?”

None of the lights were on, but on the far side of the room afternoon light was streaming in through flimsy curtains and there was a futon laid out on the tatami. “I’m coming in, ok?” I called, stepping out of my shoes and noting there was only one other pair in the entrance way. The apartment was tiny and it looked like Sakurai might be living here alone. As I closed the door behind me my gaze took in the dirty dishes left in the sink, the low table pushed aside to make room for the futon, and huddled under the heavy blanket and surrounded by tissues was Sakurai. An inarticulate moan floated up from where he was pulling the pillow over his face, and I shook my head at how pathetic he looked.

“Well at least you weren’t just blowing off school,” I told him, toeing aside a crumpled shirt to make space to put my bag before crouching down next to him and easily pulling the pillow away. “How long have you been like this?” I asked, reaching out to push his fringe back and frowning when I felt how hot his forehead was. “Shit, you’re burning up,” I murmured, pushing down the guilt when he flinched away from my hand.

“Cold…” he mumbled, weakly tugging the futon up to his chin, and I withdrew my hand hesitantly.

“You’ve got a fever,” I told him matter-of-factly. “When was the last time you drank water?” I cast an eye over the empty energy drink bottles that littered the room, and when I only heard a weak groan in reply I rose to investigate the kitchen. There weren’t any clean dishes in the cupboards; it looked like everything he owned was in the sink. I couldn’t see a sponge and when I picked up the detergent bottle it was empty. I pressed my lips into a hard line as I surveyed the mess and made a snap decision.

“Sakurai,” I called, moving back to retrieve my wallet from my bag. “I’m gonna go get you some medicine,” I told him, crouching down and pulling the futon up where it had slipped down his shoulder. I wasn’t sure he’d even heard me, so without waiting for an answer I pulled my shoes back on, taking the stairs back down to the street two at a time as I headed back towards the station.

Less than twenty minutes later I returned with drugs to break his fever, bottles of electrolyte water, a sponge, dish washing detergent and a few bowls of instant ramen. I knocked lightly on the door but went straight in, not surprised to see Sakurai hadn’t moved while I’d been gone.

“Hey, dumbass,” I called, clearing a space to sit on the tatami by his head as I set the bag down next to me. “You need to wake up now,” I said, poking him in the shoulder until he stirred. I was rewarded for my efforts with another coughing fit, and while he curled up under the futon and hacked up a lung I extracted a bottle of water, twisting the cap off and offering it to him once he’d recovered. “Can you sit up and drink?” I asked, and he struggled to sit up slowly.

“I don't need your help,” he said hoarsely. “I’m _fine_ ,” and I laughed in his face.

“No, you’re _sick_ ,” I retorted, because he was testing my patience now. “Relax; I’m not here to make fun of you. Sip this,” I held the bottle steady and with a sideways glare he reached for it, holding it limply as I tipped it up for him to sip. He managed to drink a little before he had to cough again, and I held the bottle patiently until he could take it himself. I wondered if he’d been pushing himself too hard. Even though he’d found friends at school I knew he always disappeared as soon as class let out. It made me think he might be working every afternoon and on top of school that was probably wiping him out.

I popped two of the tablets and held them out for him to take. “Here, this’ll help,” I told him, and I was pleased to see his defiant look had faded as he accepted the tablets I gave him. I watched him swallow them, finishing the water without me even telling him to.

I took the empty bottle back and left a second one by his pillow. “Go back to sleep, and drink this if you’re thirsty.” I pushed to my feet, grabbed the bag as little by little he lay back down again.

“…thanks...Ishida.”

I paused, turning on the spot to see that he’d closed his eyes again. His brow was still wrinkled as he curled up on his side, but his voice had sounded less strained. Good. Now that the immediate problem was taken care of I was going to clean up this mess.

I decided to start in the kitchen, flicking the light switch and feeling both surprised and relieved when the light flickered on. There was a crumpled-up ball of paper lying on the floor and I scooped it up, intending to throw it away until I caught sight of the handwriting. It looked a bit like a letter and with burning curiosity and a guilty glance towards the other room I carefully flattened out the page. My eye fell on the threatening phrases, things like “I’ll find you”, “you won’t get away with this”, “come back or I’ll drag you back” and I felt my heart speed up. It wasn’t signed. I screwed it back up hastily, throwing it in the bin before turning deliberately away to do the dishes. I wished I hadn’t looked at it now. I knew I should just stay out of it; whatever it was, it was none of my business, but now I couldn’t help wondering who would send Sakurai something like that.

In lieu of curtains, the window above the sink was blacked out with newspapers, but in pride of place in the centre was a printout of a floating ball with glowing blue eyes. It looked like a cute robot companion straight out of anime except it looked _real_ , like a photo. The printed caption dated it in the last few weeks and I caught the words “International Space Station”. His robot-obsession clearly ran deeper than I’d previously imagined.

Despite the amount of work to do I managed to clean up without disturbing Sakurai. He was sleeping peacefully; looking much more relaxed than before as I binned all the tissues and straightened out the futon. I debated whether to wake him up to eat something before I left, but in the end I just stacked the ramen bowls on the kitchen bench and hoped that he’d find them when he woke up later. The homework that had been my original purpose for visiting I left in the middle of the now-clear table, and after one final survey of the room I decided I’d probably been here too long already. I locked the door, pulling it closed after me as I headed back to the station, my thoughts still preoccupied with the mystery of Sakurai, because it seemed like every day I learned something even more perplexing about him.

## #

The next day I was surprised to see Sakurai at school, looking perfectly healthy and laughing at something Tanaka had said. He’d ignored me as I passed by him, but just as Ume-sen walked in and called us all to order I saw a folded piece of paper land on my desk. I covered it with one hand, scooping it under the desk to read it as roll call began, and my puzzled look was slowly melting into a satisfied smile.

_Thanks for the drugs, Dr Ishida_

He didn’t acknowledge me again until lunch. I had been about to climb to my feet to head to the cafeteria when a hand landed heavily on my shoulder.

“Come have lunch with us,” Sakurai said, and while it should have been an invitation it sounded more like a demand.

“No,” I said shortly. “Nakatsu annoys me.” I wasn’t sure why I’d admitted that, but Sakurai was laughing at me and to my irritation it didn’t look like he was going to leave me alone.

“Why?” he asked, pulling out the vacated seat in front of me to sit backwards, elbows on my desk as he rested his chin on his hands.

“I dunno, he just does.” I shrugged, not wanting to explain the awkward jealousy I felt towards my classmate. It was too hard to put into words how I sometimes wished I had what they had: a peer group. Friends you could trust and have fun with. I felt a wave of frustration that Sakurai was making me feel inferior and I was ready to tell him to just leave me alone when he seemed to change his mind.

“Ok, I’ll just have lunch with you then. _Oi! Nakatsu!_ ” Sakurai had shouted the last across the classroom where Nakatsu and his friends were waiting. “I’m having lunch with Ishida today.” I felt uncomfortable with their eyes on me; I could practically feel the stares on the back on my neck before Sakurai pushed to his feet. “Come on then, I’m gonna buy you lunch,” he announced casually, and with a final, helpless shrug I followed him out of the classroom.

He’d said he was going to buy me lunch, but as I followed him I was starting to think he was lost. Sakurai was leading us towards the back of the school, in the opposite direction of the cafeteria and my usual yakisoba buns. It seemed easier not to call him out though; I had no idea what he wanted but for now it wasn’t hurting me to play along, until…

“Gimme a leg up,” Sakurai demanded, and I realised what he meant as I looked up at the chain fence that separated the school grounds from the shaded side street.

“No way,” I shook my head. “I’m not sneaking off school property; do you _want_ to get suspended?” I asked in disbelief, but he interrupted with a careless,

“Tch! Like they’d suspend _you_ ,” and started climbing the fence without me. I watched him for a few seconds, still processing what the hell was going on.

“I meant _you_ , dumbass,” I told him, but I was gripping the fence as I raised a leg to find purchase. “ _I’m_ a model student.” It was harder than I thought it would be, especially as the fence swayed under our combined weight, but Sakurai had scaled it easily enough and I watched in disbelief as he dropped down on the other side.

“Nearly there,” he called encouragingly, and I gave him my most patronising look as I awkwardly sat astride the top of the six-foot fence, trying not to show how worried I was about the next part. “Come on, this’s the easy bit,” he said in exasperation, shaking the wire until I had to tell him to stop.

“ _Quit it_ , I’m getting there alright?!” I grumbled at him, tossing a haughty look his way. I’d expected to see him laughing at me and I wasn’t disappointed.

“Come _on_.” There was an edge of impatience in his voice but I could see he was pleased I’d got this far, so with a silent prayer to whatever gods might be listening I swung my leg over, sliding down and jumping the last few feet to land heavily next to him. “Congrats!” He slapped me on the back, grinning widely before beckoning me to follow him. “Shop’s this way.”  

I couldn’t believe I’d let him goad me into this. I felt nervous, like everyone in the store was staring at our uniforms and judging us for being off school grounds without permission. Sakurai on the other hand was perfectly relaxed, his only concern being which onigiri to get.

“I’m getting tuna,” he announced finally, and when he turned to look at me I realised he was waiting for me to make a selection.

“Is this what you meant when you said you’d buy me lunch?” I asked in disbelief, staring at the sign that advertised all onigiri were one hundred yen plus tax.

“Yep, so hurry up,” he insisted, and I quickly scanned over the variety on display before choosing the same. While lining up I spied the fried chicken and I amended our order to include two pieces, sliding a thousand yen note across the counter to cover the difference. The clerk handed Sakurai the warm paper bag of chicken and he wordlessly passed it to me, grabbing the onigiri and walking briskly to the exit.

“Thanks,” I said to the bewildered clerk, accepting the handful of change Sakurai had left and following him quickly into the parking lot. “Slow down!” I called, but he was already slowing to a stop, dropping to sit on the bench and staring forlornly at the onigiri in his lap.

“Sorry,” he apologised as I sat down next to him.

“What for?” I asked, genuinely confused as I opened the bag and offered it to him. “Have some chicken.” He didn’t move to take it and I lowered the bag for a moment. “What’s your problem?” I asked impatiently, but I was unprepared for the way his eyes flashed when he glared at me.

“I’m trying,” he said tightly, “to _thank_ you but I missed so much work this week. And I don’t get paid again until Thursday…” he trailed off and I stared at him in silent disbelief. He wasn’t… _embarrassed_ , was he?

“Forget about it,” I said, offering the chicken again. “It’s getting cold, eat up.” I put the bag on his lap and took an onigiri, opening it and taking a bite before he could protest. We ate in silence, switching halfway through as Sakurai ate the second onigiri and I finished the chicken. I was thinking about the note again. I almost wanted to ask him about it but I didn’t want to admit I’d read it. I had a feeling Sakurai wouldn’t be happy with me if he knew. I was starting to think that Sakurai’s situation must be more complicated than I’d originally assumed. It seemed like he might be literally working to keep a roof over his head, and probably to put himself through school too, all while some unknown shadowy person was threatening him. Meirin’s tuition was hideously expensive. Could he even afford it alone?

“Thanks for lunch,” I said, breaking the silence and realising that I meant it. Sakurai was grinning at me, his good mood already returned in full force as he declared we were even now. I scoffed at him, scrunching up the bag with our rubbish and rising to my feet.

“Tidy my room first, dumbass. Then we’ll be even,” I told him, chucking the rubbish away and eyeing the vending machine.

“Do I look like your girlfriend?” he jokingly replied, and I turned to regard him, head tilted as a slow grin spread over my face.

“Well,” I said slowly. “Not without your wig, you don’t.”

For a second there was only stunned silence, and then he broke out into a grin that matched mine, one arm thrown around my shoulders as he fake-punched me in the arm.

“Shut up, pervert.”

Sneaking back into school was easier than I’d thought it’d be. Sakurai seemed to know exactly what he was doing. Nakatsu or one of the others must have told him about this because there was no way he could have figured this out on his own so quickly. There was a collection of crates in the alley behind the school that made it easy with the assistance of a convenient tree to climb onto the roof of the tool shed. From there it was a simple jump down to the bins and then the ground, and I wondered if I should point out to the teachers just how simple it was to get onto school grounds undetected.

Sakurai was surprising me by being easy to be around. He was still talkative to the point of being annoying, but every time I returned one of his jokes his face would light up and I was quickly learning that his smile was infectious. It wasn’t until we got back to our classroom and he was hailed by the group from the window desk that I felt my smile slip.

“Come hang with us,” Sakurai offered, nodding towards where Nakatsu was standing on a chair as he told a story that I hoped was about catching a fish _this big_ , because otherwise I didn’t want to know what those hand gestures might mean.

“No,” I said abruptly, and when disappointment flashed across his face I found myself adding, “See you later.” I tried not to pay any attention to them as Sakurai was greeted enthusiastically.

I was grateful for the distraction when class resumed. I focused on the droning voice of our teacher, trying not to think about lunch and definitely not admitting that for the first time in a long time I’d actually enjoyed myself.

## #

“Ok, you’re free to go!” Ume-sen announced to the class over the sound of both the bell and twenty-something chairs scraping as the class packed up to leave. “Don’t forget exams are next week so I hope you’ve been reviewing and you’re not leaving it all to the last minute!” His judgmental gaze had lingered on Nakatsu and there was a round of good-natured chuckles.

I’d shoved my books into my bag before he’d finished his lecturing and was already halfway out the door. I had plans this weekend that involved late nights, marathon gaming sessions, sleeping in and _maybe_ cracking a textbook on Sunday afternoon, so it was with a skip in my step that I started walking down the hallway.

“Ishida! Wait up!” I turned to see Sakurai running down the hall, and I frowned at him just as he tripped and stumbled the last few steps towards me, one hand braced on my shoulder and barely pulling up before slamming into me.

“Hey klutz,” I said in greeting, my frown dissolving into a hesitant smile as he stood up again.

“You’re so mean to me,” he whined, but he’d thrown an arm around my shoulder as he turned us to keep heading down the hall. “Do you insult all your friends?”  

“It’s not _my_ fault you’re stupid and clumsy,” I told him dryly, but secretly I was pleased. Were we friends now? How the hell had I managed _that_? And I wasn’t about to admit it but it was fun teasing Sakurai.

“I’d rather be clumsy than a pervert,” he shot back teasingly, and when a group of girls we passed by giggled I elbowed him in the ribs.

“Shut up, dumbass,” I warned him in a low voice. “Stop calling me a pervert.”

“Then stop calling me stupid,” he replied, his loud voice bouncing off the walls and I elbowed him again. “Alright, jeez,” he laughed, pinching my cheek then patting it with the hand that had been resting over my shoulder. “I will, calm down.” My shoulders were stiff under his arm but as we settled into a slow walk I let some of the tension go. “I’ve got some time before I have to be at work, wanna keep me company?” he asked. It was such an out-of-the-blue request that for a moment I couldn’t respond.

“Yes…?” I said hesitantly and he burst out laughing.

“Don’t let me twist your arm or anything!” he said dramatically, but I quickly clarified that I did want to.

“Sorry, I don’t get out much,” I shrugged my shoulders, not sure how to apologise for my terrible social skills.

“Nah, you’re good,” Sakurai said distractedly, giving me a little shake as he waved at someone calling to him further down the hall. “We can hit the arcade?” he suggested, and I heard myself agree because surprisingly enough, that actually sounded like fun.

On the walk to the station Sakurai explained that he’d been taking on evening shifts at Maid Town this week so he didn’t need to be there until six thirty.

“What time do you knock off?” I cast him a worried look when he said “eleven”. “Even on school nights?” I asked dubiously, but he laughed off my concern.

“I manage,” he said easily, and that was all he’d say about it.

We had fun in Akihabara, trying pretty much every game in the arcade. I’d quickly found that Sakurai would refuse money if I offered it to him, but he could be convinced to take over my go if I announced I was giving up. I’d completely lost track of the time when my phone chirped in my pocket, and when I saw a message from home checking where I was I noticed the time.

“It’s already past six,” I commented, and Sakurai’s face fell.

“Shit, I’d better go,” he said, but he was pulling out his phone. “What’s your number?” he asked, and I read it out for him, watching as he set up my contact in his phone. “Gimme your phone,” he said, gesturing for it with palm upturned. “I’ll do yours.” I fiddled with my bag strap as he saved his number, unsure why I suddenly felt so awkward; we’d be getting along fine until now. “I’ll walk you to the station,” he said as he handed it back, but as I followed him out to the street I insisted that wasn’t necessary.

“You’ll be late if you do that, just go to work,” I told him, and to my surprise he looked like he was actually listening to me.

“Ok, you walk me to work then,” he agreed easily, and while silently wondering _“why?”_ I fell into step beside him, still unable to shake the awkward feeling.

We weren’t far from Maid Town, but instead of going in the front like I had when I’d visited with Rui, Sakurai was turning down a narrow street that ran alongside the building. “Staff entrance,” he explained, pointing up the rusted stairs to the faded red door on the second floor. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, and I grabbed my bag strap where it crossed over my chest for something to do with my hands. “See you at school then,” he said finally, and I nodded, relieved that this was nearly over. I watched him walk up the stairs, only turning away once he got to the first landing.

“Bye bye, pervert~!”

I spun around at the sweetly sung insult, embarrassment colouring my face as I hissed back at him, _“Shut up, dumbass!”_ but he was already running up the last flight of stairs, disappearing into the building with his laughter echoing in my ears.


	4. Step 4: spend quality time together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo guess who forgot to put some angst tags up there… I promise this doesn’t get d a r k tho (not like Lost Souls traumatizing-dark) but just know that there’s a cloud on the horizon (don't worry, a little rain now just means there'll be rainbows later)

Despite my plans to sleep in, I’d woken up early. I was still under the covers though, refusing to get out of bed until at least half past eight. My lazing was interrupted by a loud chirp from my phone, and I turned my head to see the screen had lit up. Closer inspection revealed it was a text from Sakurai. I swiped it open with curiosity to read the simple message

_—Wanna hang out?_

My eyes scanned the words as I tried to get my sleepy brain in gear. Even though we’d exchanged numbers yesterday I honestly hadn’t expected to hear from him at all, let alone so soon. As I mulled over the request it occurred to me that we’d run into each other last Saturday morning, and with that thought in mind I quickly typed back a reply.

_Aren’t you working today?—_

_No offence but I’m still traumatized from last time—_

I hit send before I could change my mind, clicking off the screen and tossing it carelessly beside my pillow. I flopped back down, closing my eyes for half a second before I sat up and snatched the phone up again. A new message came through just as I unlocked it.

_—Whatever pervert you know you love it_

There were little dots bouncing underneath the words and as I watched another message appeared.

_—But nah day off. Help me study?_

There was no denying he needed to get serious if he didn’t want to fail the exams next week. Did I really want to waste my Saturday on Sakurai though? I rolled onto my stomach, propped up on my elbows, wondering what a normal person would say in this situation as the screen dimmed.

_—Snacks provided. I hope you like chocolate cake_

The screen flashed brighter again with the new text. Why was he asking me? Why not Nakatsu? I chuckled at that thought, biting my lip as it stretched in a smile when I pictured Nakatsu trying to help anyone study. But he was friends with Tanaka too, and Tanaka was pretty smart; he always placed high in the rankings anyway. He should be asking Tanaka for help, not me. The screen had fallen asleep while I delayed, and the loud chirp started me when he sent another message.

_—Shin-channnnn_

_—Did you fall asleep again?_

_—Don’t make me eat all this cake by myself_

They came through too quick for me to get the phone unlocked, and I got my pin wrong twice in my rush to open them.

_I thought I was helping you study?—_

 

_—Right, study and cake. Brain fuel_

 

_How come you have cake?—_

 

_—Leftover from work. Bring your English textbook I left mine at school_

I shook my head at his audacity before I dropped the phone, stretching my arms overhead as I rolled over again. Why were beds always the most comfortable first thing in the morning?

_Gimme an hour—_

I’d sent the text before I could chicken out, dragging myself from bed with a sigh to get dressed. When had I forgotten how to say no?

## #

I felt the look of surprise my mother gave me when I said I was going out was uncalled for. It wasn’t like I was a hermit; I went out occasionally. Although when I tried to think of an example to throw in her face I was surprised that I couldn’t really think of a time that didn’t involve taking Rui somewhere. Even though I’d said an hour it was barely forty minutes later that I found myself standing at the station closest to Sakurai’s place. I still had his address tucked into my wallet, a tiny piece of paper folded into a tinier strip and hidden behind my school ID. I didn’t need to check it though; I remembered the way.

I’d bought melon sodas at the station and I adjusted my grip on the cold bottles as I climbed the stairs, the condensation already dripping by the time I was knocking on his door.

“Come in!” I heard him shout and when I pulled the door open I could see his school books spread over the low table, but Sakurai was out of sight.

“Hey,” I called out, pulling the door shut after me and locking it for good measure; Sakurai might trust his neighbours but I certainly didn’t. He appeared a moment later and I had to laugh. He’d pushed his fringe back with a headband and while I watched he sunk down at the table and patted the tatami next to him.

“Come on, Teach, I’m waiting,” he said, grinning at me as I kicked off my shoes and walked over.

“I don’t know why I’m wasting my Saturday on you,” I said, voicing my thoughts as I handed him a soda.

“Thanks! And it's probably because I promised you cake,” he said brightly, accepting the drink. I walked around to the only clear part of the table, setting my books down and surveying the mess he’d made.

“Ok, what are you working on now?” I asked, taking a sip as I settled in.

“Nothing. I dunno where to start,” he said with a huge smile as he gestured to the pile of books, and it was a struggle not to spit my soda everywhere.

“Sakurai,” I whined, pulling the closest open book towards me. “Please tell me you’ve been doing the homework.” He shrugged, but he at least managed a sheepish smile. I heaved a long-suffering sigh, casting a quick eye over his notes. I’d grabbed his history book and that at least seemed ok.

“Let’s concentrate on maths first,” I told him, sifting through the mess to find his exercise book. “It’s gonna be first thing on Monday anyway.”

I was surprised that Sakurai was turning out to be less stupid than I’d assumed. True, he was a terrible student; he was constantly getting bored and wandering away. Twice in the first hour I’d had to call him back and I’d warned him if he did it once more I was going to leave, but despite all this he’d got all the practice questions right.

“You need to show your work,” I chastised as I checked over his answers, and he groaned as he flopped backwards. He’d stretched his arms over head and I heard his knee bump the table; I kept my eyes firmly on the answers in front of me.

“It’s right though! Isn’t it?” he whined from the floor, and I frowned because he wasn’t wrong, but he was going to be penalised on the exam if he didn’t show how he got the answer.

“It doesn’t matter if it’s right,” I said irritably. “They want to know how you know it’s right.”

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” he insisted, eyes falling closed and I gave up, folding my arms on the table to rest my tired head.

“You’re the worst,” I muttered before adding in a louder voice, “Remind me never to help you again.” I heard him sit bolt upright and I peeked at him through lowered lashes as he climbed to his feet, disappearing into the kitchen.

“I forgot!” he called over and I heard the fridge slam shut. “The promised cake!” He was returning, half a cake on a silver board in his hands with a knife balanced precariously on the edge. I sat up to clear a space and he shot me a grateful smile as he slid it onto the table. He cut a slice, pushing it towards the side of the board closest to me.

“I can see why you wanted help,” I commented, eyeing the huge slab covered in pink frosting. I picked at the slice he’d cut for me, pulling off a chunk with my fingers because it seemed like cutlery was optional. “Mmh, wow,” I mumbled appreciatively as I grabbed another bit, licking the icing from my fingers. “Good cake,” I said, and Sakurai agreed around a mouthful. I eyed the rest of it, taking in the piped icing around the edges and the conspicuously missing decorations where the icing was messed up in the middle. “This looks like a birthday cake,” I commented, and I’d already grabbed another bite when Sakurai nodded. I spotted the missing chocolate plaque hidden along the side and I turned the board so that I could read the piped writing spelling out _Happy Birthday_ and,

“Sakura-chan,” I read aloud, and I looked between the name above yesterday’s date and Sakurai’s face as he made a grab for it and snapped the chocolate in half. “Sakurai.” I stared at him as he stuffed one half of the evidence in his mouth. “Was it your birthday yesterday?”

“Maybe,” he mumbled around a mouthful of chocolate as I shook my head in disbelief.

“Why didn’t you say something?” A thought occurred to me and I blurted out, “Was I the only one who didn’t know?” but Sakurai was shaking his head, hands waving in front of him as he swallowed the mouthful to talk.

“I didn’t tell anyone at school,” he said quickly before adding, “Although I guess Ume-sen must’ve known.” He shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal and I saw him toss the other piece of chocolate on the board.

“Sorry,” I said awkwardly, grabbing another bite because I might feel bad but damn it if this wasn’t really good cake.

“Don’t worry about it; if I wanted it to be a big deal I’d’ve told someone.”

“At least Sakura-chan got a birthday party,” I said through another mouthful, a grin turning up the corners of my mouth as I chewed.

“ _Ugh_ ,” he moaned, head dropped back to stare at the ceiling. “It was so lame. Everyone sang ‘happy birthday’ and they made me cut the cake.” I laughed as I pictured Sakura-chan posing for pictures next to the extravagant cake and blushing as a room full of men sang to him.

“Why do you work there if you hate it?” I asked, genuinely curious.

“I don’t hate it; it’s just really lame sometimes,” he said with a shrug.

“You know butler cafes are a thing too, right?” I asked, side-eying him as I ate more of the icing.

“Dude, nowhere near as many,” he said with a shrug. “Plus guys pay up like crazy,” he added, mumbling around another mouthful of cake. “Do you have any idea how much a lonely guy will hand over for a photo with ‘Sakura-chan’? Enough to pay my freaking bills, that’s how much.”

“I guess,” I said slowly. “Still,” I added, with a thoughtful smile, “at least you got to spend your birthday with people who care about you.” He regarded me for a moment, the pensive look on his face tempered by the pink frosting on the corner of his mouth. “You’re a mess,” I told him, pointing to my own lips to show him where and he swiped at the opposite side with the back of his hand.

“Wrong side,” I told him with a grin and he tried again. “Nope, missed it.” He failed to get it a second time and I leaned over the table. “Look, just hold still,” I told him, wiping the corner of his mouth with my thumb before belatedly realising that he might not have wanted me to do that. “Sorry,” I apologised, quickly snatching my hand back.

“Here, you eat this,” he offered me the rest of the chocolate, waving it in my face. I was just about to say “no, it’s ok” but before I could get the words out he leaned over the table, pressing it against my lips until I had to open my mouth or risk getting the melting chocolate smeared on me. We both laughed and any tension I’d felt was suddenly lifted.

“Happy late birthday, Sakurai,” I told him, and he grinned back at me before licking the melted chocolate from his fingers.

We ended up eating way too much cake. Not that we’d eaten all of it, but we’d got through a good portion before we declared ourselves full. The temperature had climbed as the day wore on and with only a small fan to cool us it felt hot and stuffy in the tiny apartment – I missed my own air-conditioned bedroom like crazy. We’d given up on both study and cake for now, moving as little as possible as we lay on the tatami with Sakurai’s phone between us for music, volume turned down low so we didn’t disturb the neighbours on the other side of the thin walls.

“I should probably go soon,” I said as a song faded out. I’d been here for hours.  We’d done some more study as we’d continued to snack; there was a greasy fingerprint on my English textbook to prove it. After all the work we’d done I was confident that even if Sakurai wasn’t going to get top marks he was far from failing anything. And not that I was about to admit this to him or anything but he was probably going to beat me at maths.

“Can we go over that last grammar point again? I still don’t get it,” Sakurai asked, sitting up stiffly before crawling over to the table.

I sat up more slowly, running a hand through my hair and rolling the cricks out of my neck. “Sure,” I yawned, still feeling the sugar-coma we’d ate ourselves into. “Read the section again and I’ll go grab us some drinks.”

“Melon please, Shin-chan!” came the shouted request and I chuckled to myself as I pulled my shoes on.

“What else, dumbass?” I muttered to myself, unlocking the door and heading for the stairs. It was even hotter outside in the sun and I stuck to the shadows as much as I could as I headed to the vending machine. I’d hit the button twice for our favourite melon soda, but when only one dropped and I heard the clatter of change I realised Sakurai was out of luck. “Too bad today’s not your birthday, Sakura-chan,” I sang softly to myself, feeding the coins back in and choosing a soda at random for Sakurai, “or I might have let you have it.” But despite my reluctance to sacrifice my favourite soda I was able to grudgingly admit that I’d actually enjoyed his company today. Maybe I was growing to tolerate him these days.

## #

I could hear voices as I returned to the apartment, and as I slowly pushed open the door I spied a pair of shoes left haphazardly in the entrance that I knew didn’t belong to Sakurai. I felt awkward about eavesdropping if someone was visiting, so I called out loudly to announce my presence.  

“There was only one melon soda left so I got you grape instead—“ I stopped abruptly as the scene before me came into focus. Our books were scattered over the floor, which was probably because the table was upside down and when I spotted Sakurai he was cowering against the wall, looking over the shoulder of some guy I’d never seen before. His eyes went wide when he saw me, his lips parting as he called out. His voice sounded distant, like he was much further away than the two metres currently between us.

“Shinji,” he said softly, almost like a plea, and I put the drinks down on the counter to take a step closer. I was surprised to find my hands were shaking as they balled into fists at my sides. What the hell was happening? With one hand clenched in the front of his shirt the stranger looked over at me, a look of contempt on his face as he sized me up.

“Moved on already?” he sneered as I hovered in the doorway hesitantly. “I should’ve known,” he said darkly, and I watched, transfixed and horrified, as he raised his fist. Sakurai’s eyes had screwed shut and as he flinched I acted.

“Stop!” I’d shouted before I had time to think, charging forward to grab his wrist and pull it away from Sakurai. Immediately the anger was turned on me and I stumbled backwards as a poorly aimed punch glanced off my chin. “ _Fuck!_ ” I gasped, momentarily stunned and it was like I’d lost control of my body. I knew I should get low, try to protect my head and escape, but as he dropped Sakurai to stalk closer I stood back up, throwing a punch of my own that managed by some miracle to connect with his throat. I dropped into a defensive crouch, warily eyeing the stranger as he glared back at me, one hand massaging his neck where I’d hit.

“Get out,” a cold voice said, and I turned in shock to see it was Sakurai who’d spoken. The stranger seemed to be considering it; his eyes flicked between us for a moment.

“I can see you’re busy,” he said, voice strained and clearly trying to save face as he pushed roughly past me. “I’ll come back later,” he taunted, and then he was gone, door banging against the wall when he shoved it roughly aside. I quickly moved to the doorway, pushing the door closed and locking it before kicking off the shoes I’d forgotten I was still wearing. When I turned back around Sakurai had sunk to the ground, shoulders shaking and eyes tightly shut, with a hand clamped tightly over his mouth as he held back his tears. I swallowed hard; I was in way over my head.

“What the fuck just happened?” I asked, one hand tentatively touching my chin where I could feel it was going to bruise. When he didn’t reply I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart now that the adrenaline rush was over. I glanced at the drinks on the bench, grabbing the melon soda before moving over to him. “Here,” I held it out to him, crouching down so we were eye level. “You can have it,” I told him, and he made a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob.

“Thanks,” he said hoarsely, and I felt relieved when he took the bottle. I watched him twist it open with shaky hands, almost dropping the lid as he lifted it to his lips to drink. This close, I could see red marks on his throat, and I felt a surge of anger rush over me at the implication.

“Did that guy hurt you?” I demanded angrily. Sakurai flinched, and immediately competing with my anger was a rising feeling of guilt. “You should report him—“

“Just leave it,” he said sharply. I’d never seen Sakurai like this before, and if I was honest I wished I wasn’t seeing it now. I wanted to erase the last five minutes; I wanted things to be simple like they were before when we were eating cake until we were sick. I wanted to argue over who got the melon soda. I didn’t want to argue about why our homework was scattered across the room while Sakurai cried.

“Hey,” I said hesitantly, turning to sit next to him and leaning back on the wall. “Sorry I wore my shoes inside,” I apologised, shooting him a sideways look to check his reaction. I was glad to see that I got a small smile.

“You’d better be,” he complained, but his smile twitched wider. “If you’ve ruined the tatami I’m gonna make you pay for it.” I laughed and nudged him with my shoulder, relieved when he nudged me back. He’d stopped drinking and was holding the bottle loosely, and before I’d really thought it through I stole it from him, taking a swig before he could stop me. “Oi, I thought that was mine!” he protested, but I held the bottle out of reach of his grasping hand.

“What? You looked like you were done,” I lied, twisting away as I held the bottle aloft, but I’d obviously underestimated his desire for melon soda, because he was pushing me down and it was all I could do to stop the open bottle spilling as we both tumbled to the floor. “Careful!” I warned, “ _You’re_ gonna wreck the tatami.” But Sakurai was laughing and I felt instantly relieved that he was back to normal. I let him pull the bottle away, unable to keep from smiling as I watched him take a victory sip.

“Mhh, delicious,” he grinned down at me, and for a moment we both fell silent. He must have realised at the same time just how close we were, because as soon as I had the thought that Sakurai was practically lying on top of me he was scrambling off. “I’ll get you some ice,” he offered, and I touched my chin again as I remembered I’d been hit. I watched silently as he came back with a handkerchief wrapped around a few ice cubes to hold it gingerly against my jaw.

“Thanks,” I told him, reaching up to take the bundle.

“That’s my line,” he said, but he fell silent again as he started cleaning up the mess. The ice was soothing and I was hoping it would mean I wouldn't bruise; I didn’t want to explain what had happened and when Sakurai flicked me a concerned glance I was sure he was thinking the same thing. Sakurai had managed to right the table by himself and by the time all our books were stacked neatly on the table again I’d got up to get my drink from the kitchen, and when I tried a sip of the grape soda and pronounced it awful Sakurai finally cracked a smile again.

“Ugh, this is gross,” I complained, tongue out as I eyed the purple liquid in disgust.

“That’s what you get for buying me rubbish soda,” Sakurai sang cheerfully and I shifted the disdainful look over to him.

“I don’t know why I like you,” I muttered, leaning on the table with the ice still pressed to my jaw as Sakurai grinned at me.

“Maybe you’re an M,” he said teasingly. I pulled a face, watching him drag my English textbook closer and flicking back to the last page we’d been studying. “Now can you please explain this? Because I’ve read it three times now and it still doesn’t make any sense.”

## #

We’d reviewed the grammar forms again and Sakurai had despondently announced that he understood as much as he was ever likely too, snapping the book shut with a finality that suggested he was done for the day. As we’d studied I’d been distracted, and now that Sakurai was handing my textbook back with an appreciative “Thanks, Shin-chan” I voiced my concerns.

“Sakurai, I don’t think you should stay here tonight,” I told him firmly, but he just shrugged like I hadn’t witnessed him be assaulted less than an hour ago. “Just humour me,” I said, trying not to let how concerned I really was show. “One night isn’t going to kill you,” I insisted, and he fixed me with an exasperated look.

“And where exactly do you suggest I stay?” he asked dryly, but I’d already thought of that.

“You can sleep over,” I explained. “My parents won’t care if it’s not a school night.” I was thrilled it seemed like he was considering it.

“Ok,” he agreed slowly. “Just for tonight,” he added. Once we’d decided there wasn’t much point in sticking around, so while Sakurai stuffed some clothes and his toothbrush in a bag I scoped out the street below. It was early evening and while it wasn’t busy, there was at least a little foot traffic along the street. Good. If that guy was still lurking around he’d have an audience if he tried anything.

We walked to the station in silence. Sakurai might not want to admit he was scared, but his eyes darted towards every noise as we walked quickly down the street. What had that guy said? _‘I’ll come back later’_? Sakurai’s nervousness was starting to infect me; suddenly every lengthening shadow held a menacing figure, and it was with a genuine sigh of relief that I spotted the station entrance.

“Nearly there,” I said, forcing a note of confidence I didn’t feel for Sakurai’s sake, because despite his bravado earlier he was looking paler than I’d ever seen him as he slapped his suica card down on the reader. We were nearly out; just ahead was the sign pointing to the platform that would take us to my neighbourhood. Suddenly I heard a gasp and, wheeling around, I saw Sakurai had stopped in his tracks. I followed his gaze and realised immediately what I’d missed before, because lounging against the wall ahead was the guy from earlier, standing between us and freedom. He hadn’t spotted us yet; his face was turned away, eyes narrowed as he searched the crowded station. I could see a red mark on his neck where I’d hit him, and I swallowed nervously as I hesitated. “Come on,” I said quietly, but Sakurai was frozen, rooted to the spot and any second now he was going to spot us. “Sakurai,” I called again, voice low so it wouldn’t carry over the murmur of the crowd. “We need to move, now,” I insisted and, when it didn’t look like I was getting through to him, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him firmly towards the stairs. So far, so good. Sakurai was moving, his trance broken for now, and we were nearly at the stairs.

It all happened in an instant. The train below arrived, the noise of passengers alighting drawing the stranger’s attention, and he turned towards the stairs just as we reached the top. I saw his eyes go wide with recognition, and my hand clamped tighter around Sakurai’s wrist.

“Run for it!” I shouted, and spurred into action we both leapt down the stairs. I didn’t stop to check if he was closing on us as we made a dash for the train. The crowd threatened to pull us apart but we managed to slip through the press of bodies just as the doors were starting to close. I was out of breath but there was a pane of glass separating us from an incredibly angry face and I was too relieved to care that people were staring. I stumbled as the train started moving and I let go of Sakurai to grab a hand hold. He’d moved closer to the door, head pressed against the glass as he watched the station disappear into the distance.

“Hey,” I said, nudging him as he looked up in surprise, almost like he’d forgotten I was there. “He’s gone,” I told him confidently. Now that we were speeding away I felt my earlier fear melting away. “You’re safe,” I added, but judging by the closed expression on his face Sakurai didn’t seem to take much comfort from my words.

## #

I’d been right that my mother was fine with Sakurai staying over. What I hadn’t banked on was the Twenty freaking Questions. We’d only been home long enough for me to introduce him and my mother had already started her interrogation. As soon as she heard Sakurai was the new transfer student _of course_ she wanted to know where he’d moved from.

“I’ve always lived in Tokyo, I just changed schools,” he supplied unhelpfully, because now she was asking why.

 _“Just say ‘uni’ or something,”_ I mouthed from over her shoulder.

“Someone dropped out of a scholarship and I was next on the list. Meirin’s much better than my old school.” I flashed him a thumbs up before raiding the fridge for something cold to drink.

“You must be a hard worker,” she said, nodding her approval. “Do you have a university in mind?” she asked and I rolled my eyes, pushing the fridge door shut and leaning against it dramatically because _honestly_ ma we’re _fifteen;_ who the _fuck_ cares about uni? 

“Ok ma, we’re going now,” I interjected in a bored tone as I nodded Sakurai towards the hallway. “We’ll be in my room.”

“Sure thing, boys,” my mother said brightly, and I cringed when she kept talking anyway. “I hope you like gyoza, Sakurai-kun.”

“Everyone likes gyoza, ma,” I interrupted, and before he could say anything I handed him a soda and gave his shoulder a push. “Gotta go, lots of homework this weekend,” I added for good measure, just in case she wanted to make us stick around to help with dinner.

“Your ma’s really nice,” Sakurai said, and I side-eyed him dubiously as we reached my bedroom.

“She’s a pain,” I replied, throwing open my door and gesturing inside. Sakurai hesitated for a second, but before I had to say anything else to convince him he crossed the threshold. I shut the door behind us, locking it to prevent annoyances in the shape of an eight-year-old terror who fortunately was so in awe of Sakurai she hadn’t been much of a problem yet, but I knew it was only a matter of time.

Sakurai had sat on the bed and I joined him silently. It almost felt awkward now. We’d been so panicked at the station we hadn’t really been able to relax yet, but we had to be safe now. That guy couldn’t have followed us here. I guessed Sakurai was thinking the same thing as me, because he let out a small sigh, offering me a tight smile when I looked up.

“Thanks. For earlier,” he said, genuine warmth in his voice, and I felt a twinge of nervousness at the way it caused a flock of butterflies to suddenly take flight in my stomach. “I can’t believe you punched Keisuke,” he added with a nervous laugh. I nodded my agreement, because when I’d pried earlier he’d shut me out, but if he wanted to talk now I was happy to listen. It seemed like that was all he was going to say though, because the silence once again stretched between us.

“So who was that guy?” I asked eventually, unable to just let it go. I could see Sakurai shooting me a fugitive look, the internal struggle clearly written all over his face before he seemed to give in.

“Keisuke is…sorta my boyfriend,” he said hesitantly, and off my shocked look he quickly added, “Does that weird you out?” and I shook my head.

“Nah, it’s cool,” I said quickly, because who was I to judge? Aside from the fact that Keisuke seemed like an asshole, I was the last person that would have a problem with Sakurai dating a guy.

He visibly relaxed, tension falling from his shoulders as he tried to explain. “I’m sorry you got caught up in that. Keisuke’s a bit…” he trailed off, clearly searching for the right word but I beat him to it.

“Insane,” I stated categorically. “That dude’s insane. What the fuck’s wrong with you?” I immediately regretted my harsh tone as he flinched, and when he drew his knees up to his chest and hid his face I tried to apologise. “Sorry; that didn’t come out right,” I said, and my hands clenched into fists by my sides. I heard a sniff, and my stomach dropped when I realised he was crying again. I felt ashamed, angry at myself for how badly I was handling this. “Sakurai,” I called, moving closer until I was kneeling on my bed next to him. He didn’t react to my voice but when I reached out to touch his shoulder he flinched again.

“Sakurai?” I tried to speak softly, almost like he was a wounded animal or a small child, because I was way out of my depth here. “Jesus, please don’t cry again,” I said in a panic, because under my hand I could feel his shoulders shaking as silent sobs wracked his chest. I had no idea what else to do. Usually when I was confronted with crying it was a big, fake tantrum Rui would throw to get her way; I had no idea how to comfort someone who was genuinely distraught and I told him so.

He sniffed loudly, and after a moment I heard him mumble, “No wonder you’re so shit at this.” There was just a trace of his usual self-assured cockiness in his wavering voice, so as I patted his shoulder awkwardly I felt relieved.

“I’m sorry,” I apologised again, and he finally looked up, shaking his head as he brushed impatiently at his tear-streaked cheeks.

“’s’alright,” he said. “It’s not your fault.” Like that made me feel any better.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” I insisted in a small voice, but he waved it away.

“Let’s just…forget about it, ok? All of it.” If he wanted to pretend nothing wrong had happened then I was fine with that.

“Hey, Sakurai?” I asked, and he finally looked at me as I jerked my head at the TV. “Wanna watch shit blow up?”

“It’s like you can read my mind,” he said happily, a real smile on his face as I grinned at him. Thank god, he wasn’t crying anymore. Maybe I wasn’t as bad at this friend business as I thought I was.  

We ended up watching anime until my mother knocked on the door to announce dinner was ready. By the time we’d washed up and sat down at the table Rui had rebooted and was now commanding every second of Sakurai’s attention. I personally was in awe of how quickly he could switch between desperately crying his eyes out and jokingly teasing my little sister, because I’d never seen anyone change moods as rapidly as he apparently did. He’d been surprisingly normal so far, and I mostly kept quiet as I ate my dinner, watching as he complemented my mother’s cooking and she beamed happily at him. He asked about my father’s absence at the table next, and ma explained that he was currently on late shifts and that he was in the police. I saw Sakurai visibly react, sitting up straighter in his chair before his face relaxed back into an easy smile and he turned to Rui to ask what she wanted to be when she grew up.

“A princess!” Rui announced happily, and I rolled my eyes as Sakurai played along with her delusions, insisting that once she was a princess he would be a knight that would protect her. Rui was absolutely delighted.

“What about Shin-ni?” our mother asked, and I groaned as she tried to drag me into it.

“Hmm…” Rui considered it for a moment before grudgingly admitting that if she was a princess, then I was probably a prince. “But!” she insisted loudly, “ _I’m_ still in charge.”

“Of course,” Sakurai told her, mocking a bow from where he sat. “Princess Rui is always the boss.”

I could practically see the stars in Rui’s eyes after that, and I almost felt sorry for Sakurai as she corralled off the misshapen gyoza that ma had helped her to make, insisting that I wasn’t allowed to eat them, only Sakurai could.

“Like I wanted your crappy gyoza anyway,” I said, picking one from the other side of the plate she was jealously guarding, but Sakurai had received the offered gyoza proudly and when he told her it was delicious she beamed at him delightedly.

Rui was so taken with him that after dinner she tried to follow us back to my room. It was only with vague threats to tell ma she was bothering us that I was able to keep her out. Once I'd managed to get the door closed with her on the other side, I quickly threw the lock again before flopping down on the bed.

“Rui’s adorable,” Sakurai said. He was sitting at the end of the bed, leaning back on the wall and watching me with an unreadable expression.

“You can keep her if you love her so much,” I muttered darkly, but he just laughed, a vibrant, carefree sound that made the events earlier seem unreal.

“I would’ve liked a sister,” he replied, and there was a note of sadness in his voice. I moved to imitate him, leaning back on the wall.

“Don’t you have any siblings?” I asked before I could stop myself, but instead of shutting me down he shook his head.

“Just one. An older brother.”

“Where is he?” I asked, thinking about how Sakurai lived alone.

“Kyoto,” he hesitated for a second. “He goes to uni there.” I saw his hands twist in the sheet by his side as he added, “I just told him I moved and he said he might visit me soon.”

I wanted to ask, _“where are you parents?”_ but I got the distinct feeling that it would be pushing my luck so instead I slid off the bed, turning on the TV and looking between the two consoles on the floor.

“Ok, Sakurai,” I said seriously. “Mario Kart or Tekken?”

## #

I was getting my ass kicked. I couldn’t tell if Sakurai was genuinely good at fighting games or just good at button mashing, but either way I was on a serious losing streak.

“You’ve gotta be kidding,” I moaned in disbelief as my fighter hit the floor again to a soundtrack of Sakurai’s evil cackle. “That’s it, you’re cheating,” I announced, darting him a furious look.

“It’s not my fault you suck at this,” he defended himself, but he was grinning happily as I fumed.

“I’m gonna get a drink,” I announced, tossing my controller away as the screen returned to the menu. “You want anything?” I asked, and as I turned around I could see Sakurai watching me again, the closed expression on his face unreadable.

“I’ll come with you,” he said after a beat, putting his controller aside as I got up.

The contents of the fridge were thoroughly disappointing though, so I suggested we should go for a walk. Sakurai readily agreed and I thought nothing of it as I grabbed my wallet from my bag, stuffing it in my pocket. My mother was watching TV in the living room as we trooped past and I called out that we were going to the nearby vending machine, earning a distracted “that’s fine” as we headed downstairs. I’d walked to the corner a million times to buy a drink, often much later than this, but as the unseasonably cool night breeze ruffled my hair I felt a chill go down my spine that had nothing to do with the weather.

“This way,” I gestured for Sakurai to follow me, and we walked down the narrow stone path to the gate that closed our small front garden off from the street beyond. It was eerily quiet on the road. Usually there was the occasional car but the only light was the warm yellow from behind drawn curtains and the bright white light of the streetlights as we passed beneath them.

I felt my heart pounding as we rounded the corner and the vending machine came into sight. _There’s no need to be nervous_ , I chastised myself sternly. _There’s nothing out here_. We stopped in front of the machine, the glow lighting up our anxious faces and suddenly a cat yowled, the loud crash that followed making Sakurai jump and me give a startled yelp of surprise. A dog in the distance barked at the intrusive noise and I turned wide eyes on Sakurai. The tension was bleeding out of me as I realised how foolish we were being.

“Just a cat,” he said weakly, massaging over his heart as I breathed a sigh of relief.

“Just a cat,” I agreed, and when he met my eyes again we both burst into giggles. “C’mon,” I gestured helplessly at the machine. “What-what do you want to drink?” I managed to ask.

“Melon soda,” he said immediately, and I sobered a little as I recalled what had happened earlier. But I fed the money into the machine anyway, hitting the button for melon soda twice and collecting the change while Sakurai stooped to retrieve our drinks.

“Thanks,” I said, accepting a bottle from him and taking a sip. The tension had left me completely now and I was just feeling foolish about the way I had overreacted.

“So,” Sakurai broke the silence and I looked up in surprise. “Your old man’s a cop?”

I nodded, swallowing another sip before I supplied, “A Superintendent.” Sakurai whistled like he was impressed and I regarded him curiously.

“No wonder you follow the rules,” he commented with a wry grin, but I stayed silent. While it was true I toed the line, it was less to do with getting into trouble and more to do with being too lazy to get into any real mischief, but I was hardly going to admit to that.

“Wanna head back—?” I cut off abruptly as car headlights washed over us, and I threw one hand up to cover my eyes until it passed by. “Sakurai?” I called out hesitantly, because next to me Sakurai was standing stock still, face frozen in fear as he stared after the car which was crawling to a stop. We were bathed in the red glow of brake lights, and I was once again gripped with a rising panic as I shook Sakurai’s shoulder.

“Run,” he whispered, the red light gone as the car began to reverse. I darted a quick look back at the car but Sakurai was already tugging at my arm insistently, and I heard the fizz of my soda as the bottle hit the pavement. “Run!” he shouted this time, and I willed my legs to move faster as we raced down the alley. I didn’t want to slow down to look but I could hear a car door slam, a shouted command to stop, and soon after, the blood chilling sound of shoes pounding on asphalt as we were pursued.

We couldn’t go back to the house, not with someone so close on our tail. Sakurai’s place was already compromised and I didn’t want to lose another safe place to stash him. But I’d lived here my whole life; I knew this neighbourhood as well as I knew my own room, and I overtook Sakurai easily, pulling him down another alley and away from my house.

“Shinji—? Where—? ” Sakurai asked, gasping for breath already as I changed directions again, cutting back towards my street. My lungs were burning and it was all I could do to draw breath as I spotted my target; a small roadside shrine with a rotund stone statue that had been my childhood hideaway. Without hesitation I turned and slid into the narrow space between the shrine and the wall. Sakurai followed me quickly into the cramped space, and together we huddled behind the low wooden structure, knees scraping painfully on unforgiving concrete as we tried to stay as still and quiet as possible.

The footsteps ran straight past us, continuing up the narrow street and I shuddered, weak with relief as I sagged against the cold brick at my back. I could feel Sakurai pressed up close next to me, but in the gloom I couldn’t make out his features. “Sakura—“ I was cut off by a hand slapping over my mouth.

“Shh,” he breathed softly, hardly audible but for the fact he was so close I could feel his breath tickle my ear. I swallowed, the hand still clamped firmly over my mouth. Sure enough, I could hear it now too. There were footsteps on the street, barely a metre from where we sat concealed only by the wooden roof protecting the statute from the elements; a structure so small, if we stood up our pursuer would easily see our heads towering above it. He’d lost our trail, that’s why he was backtracking. My heart was hammering in my chest as I realised that he knew we hadn’t continued to the main road. Every second felt like an eternity as we waited; surely he could hear our pounding hearts? The blood rushing in my ears was as deafening as a waterfall. But finally he was moving away, his footsteps fading as he headed down a side street.

I reached up to pry Sakurai’s hand off me, holding it limply as I sagged against him in relief. I had no idea what that guy wanted with Sakurai, because from the brief look I’d caught of him I was sure it hadn’t been Keisuke from earlier. Was Sakurai dating this guy too? I shook my head at the ridiculous thought. Why would Sakurai be running away from his boyfriend anyway? Although if my boyfriend treated me the way Keisuke apparently did I’d run away from him too. But none of this explained what was going on now. I had so many questions but they were going to have to wait. Right now, I squeezed his hand reassuringly, waiting until I felt a return squeeze before I tried to talk again.

“I know a shortcut home from here,” I whispered, and I felt the brush of Sakurai’s hair on my cheek as he nodded. “Do you think it’s safe to leave yet?” I asked, and I felt a second nod.

Slowly, we climbed to our feet. My hands felt dirty from where I’d braced on the ground and I brushed them off as I waited for Sakurai to wiggle free from our hiding spot first. The shortcut I had mentioned was an alley that took us to the back of my house. We walked as quickly as we could without making any noise, jumping at every little sound until I spotted the familiar stone wall. There was a series of notches that helped us scale the fence and soon we were dropping down onto a patch of soft lawn and sneaking in the back door. Only once we were inside with the door locked did I let myself fully relax, and when I held up my dirt smeared hands I could see they were shaking. I hoped whatever TV show ma was watching was engaging, because we were going to have to escape her attention until after we’d bathed if we wanted to avoid another interrogation.

A quick peek in the bathroom told me the bath was drawn and unoccupied. I washed my hands in the laundry sink, drying them on my shirt as I turned to Sakurai.

“Wait here,” I told him in a whisper, knowing that I could probably say it out loud but still feeling a sense of cautiousness after today’s events. “I’ll go get your clothes so you can clean up.” Sakurai nodded, and I stealthily climbed the stairs, snagging Sakurai’s bag from my room and a towel from the cupboard before slinking silently back downstairs again.

Sakurai wasn’t waiting where I’d left him. His shoes were placed next to mine by the back door, but before I went looking for him I saw the laundry door opening.

“In here,” he called in a loud whisper, and I dropped my gaze as soon as I realized he’d already stripped off his shirt. I handed him his bag and towel silently, trying desperately not to focus on his half-nakedness.

“Lock the door,” I warned him, and then I turned and fled back upstairs to wait.

## #

I’d checked my appearance in my room, my reflection staring back at me from hollow eyes as I looked for physical evidence that the last half hour had happened. My shirt was a little dirty, but I’d noticed the main lights were off so as long as I didn’t get too close, my mother was unlikely to notice anything off about me. After psyching myself up for another minute I strode out to the living room to get it over with.

“We’re back,” I announced, and to my relief she only cast a brief look in my direction. “Sakurai’s just in the bath.”

“Ok, sweetie,” she replied, and I could see it was a struggle to tear her attention away from the action. “I laid out a futon in your room.”

I nodded; I’d seen it earlier. “Thanks, ma. G‘night.”

“Goodnight, sweetie,” she called back, but I was already returning to my room. Everything still felt surreal, kinda like I was in a game of my life rather than the real thing. The TV still showed the menu screen and I watched impassively as the characters faced off, my mind struggling to bridge the gap between how less than an hour ago the most stressful thing in my life had been being unable to win a dumb game against Sakurai.

I switched the console off while I waited for the bath, unable to settle as I tried to sit at my desk and ending up pacing the small patch of floor space by the door, still jittery from the adrenaline rush earlier. It felt like ages before I heard Sakurai return. His hair was damp and I had a strange urge to tell him to dry his hair properly. No wonder he got sick, going to bed like that, because he was already crawling under the heavy blanket, eyes closing as his head hit the pillow, but before I could say something stupid I grabbed my pyjamas, hitting the lights on the way out.

I washed quickly, not wanting to linger downstairs too long. I hated how I still felt scared in my own home. A faceless stranger shouldn’t have been able to reach me here but every sound through the small bathroom window from the street beyond was making me jump. I redressed quickly, barely towelling myself dry before pulling on a shirt because standing naked in the brightly lit room felt too exposed. I did at least vigorously towel dry my hair, my thoughts once again returning to Sakurai who was probably getting chilled in the cool air-conditioning upstairs. A quick brush of my teeth and I was ready for bed, practically running back up the stairs as if I could escape the ominous feeling that had settled over me.

I’d thought Sakurai was asleep; I’d been deliberately quiet as I crept in, being careful not to step on him or otherwise disturb him as I crawled onto my bed. As my eyes adjusted to the dark I could see that he was still awake though; his breathing wasn’t slow and even but instead coming in irregular, shallow breaths. I wanted to say something reassuring but I had no idea what I could say. Without knowing what the problem was I couldn’t suggest a solution, and neither of us were in the right frame of mind to be discussing it now. With a heavy heart, I rolled over and resolved to just go to sleep.


	5. Step 5: almost kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise in advance because this...this is gonna hurt...

I woke up to the unsettling feeling of a pain in my chest, but when I struggled to open my eyes I realised it was just Rui sitting on my bed, her bony elbow digging into my ribs as she scrolled through my phone.

“Rui, get off!” I tried to shout at her but my voice came out all scratchy, catching in my throat as I made a grab for my phone. “Get out of my room!” She laughed and launched herself nimbly out of the way, tossing the phone onto the mattress and stepping delicately between the empty futon and my bed as she made her way to the door.

“About time you woke up,” she sang happily, and I rolled my eyes as I flopped back onto the pillows. “Saku-nichan’s been up for ages,” she added, and I cursed her under my breath as I shoved my blanket off me. _Saku-nichan_ , I thought disbelievingly as I dragged a hand through my hair to tame it. Time for some damage control before Rui tried to replace me with a much cooler older brother.

“Morning, Shin-chan,” Sakurai greeted me casually as I stumbled into the kitchen. He was sitting where I normally sat, halfway through a stack of pancakes and behind him my mother was busy cooking more.

“Hey,” I yawned, pulling out the seat next to him and picking up a fork. “How’d you sleep?” I enquired, cutting a slice off his stack and dragging it through a pool of syrup.

“Fine,” he replied noncommittally while eyeing me with a trace of an amused smile as I ate the pancakes. “No please, help yourself,” he said, gesturing at his plate.

“Hungry,” I mumbled, going in for another bite but before I could a second plate was set down in front of me.

“Honestly, Shinji, where are your manners?” my mother huffed at me before turning to Sakurai with an apologetic look. “I’m sorry about him,” she said sincerely, cuffing me on the back of the head as I reached for the syrup. “I swear he doesn’t get it from me,” she added, turning back to the stove and the remaining pancake batter.

“I don’t mind, Mrs Ishida,” Sakurai assured her, and I rolled my eyes as I drowned my breakfast in sugar. “I’m used to it.” A glance over my shoulder revealed my mother had levelled another glare at me. “And I appreciate you letting me stay.”

“Anytime, sweetie,” she said fondly, and as my foggy brain started to kick into gear I wondered why everyone was so sold on Sakurai. He’d annoyed me instantly. I’d assumed he was bad at first impressions but apparently not.

“Do you boys have any plans today?” Ma asked, and I chewed while I tried to think if there was anything I could make up on the spot to get her off my case, but before I could Sakurai was piping up.

“Actually, I have to work today,” he said. “I should probably get going soon.” I looked over at him, wondering if he was going to reveal his part-time job.

“How responsible!” My mother was beaming at him, and I cringed as she turned a stern look on me a moment later. “You could stand to get a job, Shinji,” she said, pointing at me with the spatula as I shrugged and continued to eat. “Maybe you could work with Sakurai-kun.” I choked on my mouthful and Sakurai slapped me on the back a few times, my eyes streaming with tears as I tried not to spit chewed-up pancakes all over the table.

“No thanks,” I managed to get out, not wanting to point out that she’d conveniently forgotten our school didn’t allow students to work. When I looked over again she was shaking her head at me.

“Honestly, if I hadn’t been there I’d swear I didn’t give birth to you,” she said with a note of exasperation. I rolled my eyes and ignored her; I’d heard this particular complaint many times before, and I had no doubt I’d be hearing it again.  

## #

The rest of breakfast had been hijacked by Rui, who wanted all of _Saku-nichan’s_ attention, and I was pretty sure there was a visible vein throbbing in my head by the time I’d finished eating. Far from redeeming myself in her eyes, I was more sure than ever Rui would push me off a cliff if it meant Sakurai would be her new brother. I was glad that Sakurai had a ready excuse to leave soon, because I was starting to think that the sooner he left, the better. After a good night’s sleep the events of yesterday felt like just another bad dream and I was ready to forget it had ever happened and move on.

I flopped backwards onto my bed, sighing happily in anticipation of a lazy Sunday. Sure, I had homework due and exams starting tomorrow, but right now I was pretty sure if I just lay still for a few more minutes I’d drift peacefully off to sleep.

“Thanks for letting me stay,” Sakurai said, and my sleepy mood was shattered at the reminder of why he was here in the first place.

“No problem,” I told him honestly as I sat up, rubbing my eyes and blinking at him as he hoisted his bag over his shoulder. He’d already folded up the futon, a continuation of the abnormally _normal_ things he’d been doing lately.

“See you at school,” he said, and with a jaunty wave he was out the door.  

The rest of my day had passed uneventfully. I’d returned to my original plan, firing up my PC and immersing myself in a fictional fantasy world that suddenly seemed much simpler than my life and it’s new, weird, Sakurai-shaped problems. I’d only stopped to eat dinner but unfortunately my mother remembered around ten thirty that I had exams this week, and after her threats to take away both the computer and the TV I finally shut it off and got ready for bed. It wasn’t until I got back upstairs and grabbed my phone to set an alarm that I realised I had a message and I quickly opened it as I flopped down on my bed.

_—thanks for yesterday. G’night~_

I read it half a dozen times, a dumb smile on my face as I thought about sending a reply. I’d never had a friend to text before and I had no idea how to respond, but just getting a message from Sakurai was making me feel insanely happy. In the end I didn’t reply, just set my alarm and tucked my phone next to my pillow to sleep.

## #

I’d closed my eyes and it only felt like a moment later that my alarm was going off. I groped blindly for it, hearing it clatter to the floor and I groaned as I half-slid out of bed, finally managing to silence the piercing alarm. I peered at it blearily, suddenly remembering Sakurai’s text from last night and I fell the rest of the way to the floor. “Ow,” I mumbled to myself, slowing getting to my feet and rubbing my shoulder where I’d bumped it but I was grinning like a fool. My good mood didn’t go unnoticed as I ate my breakfast in the kitchen. I shrugged at the observation that I was unusually cheerful this morning, stuffing the last bite of toast in my mouth.

“Nearly school hols,” I mumbled around a mouthful, and my mother shook her head like she didn’t believe my excuse.

“You’ll have to invite Sakurai over again,” she said with a sly smile. “It’s so refreshing to see a young man with such lovely manners.”

I rolled my eyes at her, standing to drain the last of my juice and grabbing my bag off the back of my seat.

“Thanks for breakfast,” I shouted, throwing a wave over my shoulder as I headed down the hall.

“Good luck today!” she called back, but I was already leaping down the stairs.

Thanks to all the revising I’d done on Saturday I was feeling unusually prepared for the end of term tests. Not that I wanted to do well on them – that would just raise everybody’s expectations and that was the last thing I wanted. I’d probably just place in the midrange like I always did.

 _Or not_ , I thought dejectedly, erasing my last answer and frowning down at the jumble of letters and numbers on the page. Maths had never been my strong suit, although as I worked my way through the questions I was at least sure I would manage a pass. It made me wonder how Sakurai was doing though.   

“Ok, pencils down!” Ume-sen announced and half a dozen sighs greeted him. “Ishida, if you could do the honours,” he called and I slowly pushed to my feet, turning to move to the back to start collecting everyone’s test papers.

Sakurai had his head on his desk and when I tugged the paper from under his hand he didn’t even stir; I couldn’t believe it but he was fast asleep. A glance at his test revealed that he hadn’t answered the last five questions and I felt a heavy stone feeling settle in my stomach as I handed over the stack of papers to Umeda.  We were pronounced free until two o’clock when we were due to start our English exam, and I returned to my desk amongst the babble of talk that had broken out.

“Sa~ku~rai~” I heard Nakatsu sing annoyingly as he skipped over to Sakurai’s desk, one eye on the door where Ume-sen had just left. “We’re hitting the shops, let’s go!”

I hadn’t actually spoken to Sakurai yet this morning. I’d been worried at first that he was going to miss the exam, because by eight-thirty he still hadn’t turned up. He’d barrelled in twenty minutes later – just in time and looking like he’d slept in his uniform – and when he’d met my curious gaze he’d shrugged sheepishly.

I was searching in my bag for my wallet when Sakurai’s reply made me sit up awkwardly again.

“No can do,” he mumbled around a yawn. “I’m having lunch with Shin-chan.” I hadn’t been aware we had lunch plans, but it made me strangely pleased that he was blowing off his friends to hang out with me. When I turned to face them Nakatsu was looking aghast as he stared between Sakurai and me.

“ _Shin_ -chan?” he said incredulously, and I rolled my eyes at him as I walked over. “How? How did you do it?” he asked, clutching at Sakurai’s shoulders dramatically.

“This is exactly why I don’t like you,” I pointed out as Nakatsu’s jaw dropped open again. “You’re so loud. C’mon, Sakurai,” I said dismissively, and with a barely suppressed laugh I saw Sakurai give the shocked Nakatsu a patronising pat on the shoulder.

I eyed Sakurai suspiciously as we found a quiet spot to sit in the hall. He was yawning widely again and I wondered if he’d been working late again last night. I opened my mouth to chastise him but decided against it, handing him one of the curry buns I’d bought on my way to school this morning as he gave me a grateful smile.

“Thanks, Shin-chan,” he said earnestly, clearly too hungry to put up a fuss because he was unwrapping it without further comment.

“How come you’re so tired today?” I asked, watching him yawn again before cramming half of it in his mouth.

“D’bble shffd,” he said around a mouthful, spraying crumbs everywhere.

“What?” I had to ask, frowning as he swallowed and tried again.

“Double shift.”

“You know the no-jobs policy is for this exact reason, right?” I commented, one eyebrow raised as he lined up another bite.

“Time is money, dude,” was his simple reply, and I let the subject drop as we continued to eat in silence.

## #

We had about an hour to go until our next exam, and I suggested we head to the library to kill time. Sakurai had readily agreed, and he’d gone straight to his favourite shelf to get another book, but the pages had turned slowly until he’d given up, pillowing his head on his arms and falling asleep as I kept one eye on the clock. I let him sleep, only closing my own book and gently shaking him awake with enough time to get to our next exam.

“Whattimeisit?” he asked sleepily, rubbing at his eyes as he yawned wide.

“Eleven-thirty,” I told him. “We need to head back now. English next.”

He looked around, blinking slowly back to reality and I watched as he looked down at the book he’d been half-sleeping on. There was a line on his forearm where his arm had been resting.

“Thanks for waking me up,” he said gratefully, and I shrugged, climbing to my feet and offering to return his book. All too soon we were heading back to the classroom, and I returned Sakurai’s smile as I continued to my desk.

“Try to finish this one,” I said dryly, and he grinned unapologetically as he took his seat.

Soon the classroom fell silent as Ume-sen handed out our papers. I did much better than my abysmal effort earlier, managing to answer most of it easily which left plenty of brainpower left over for worrying about how Sakurai might be coping. I’d been tapping my pen absently, staring at the imperative verbs, wondering about the screwed up note I’d read last week. It bothered me that someone was threatening Sakurai. I wondered if I asked him about it if he’d tell the truth. Somehow I doubted it.

By the time Ume-sen had collected our tests back I was more than done for the day. Even though we’d had less class time than usual I was tired; my plan was to skip out the second Ume-sen gave us the all clear.

“Don’t forget if you haven’t handed back your forms for Kyoto by tomorrow then you’re not going!” Ume-sen called over the sound of chairs scraping, and I realised I’d completely forgotten about the class trip planned for the end of the week. “Sakurai, I need to see you – don’t run away,” Ume-sen added, and I turned to see Sakurai nodded to confirm.

“You’re coming on the trip, right?” I asked, hit with a sudden fear that Sakurai might not be able to afford it.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” he said with an easy grin, and I felt my concerns fading.

“Good,” I said fervently. “It’d suck without you.” I’d already started heading for the door so I missed the fond smile settle on Sakurai’s face at my announcement.

I’d offered to wait for him but he’d waved me off, so I’d left school alone, a feeling of loneliness settling in my chest that at first took me by surprise. Since when had I become so dependent on others? I’d put Sakurai out of mind after that, going straight home to distract myself with games until I was called for dinner.

“How’s school going?” my mother asked, and I looked up from where I was toying with my rice.

“Fine,” I replied automatically, but she wasn’t finished.

“That good, huh?” she asked with a knowing smirk. “Well, you should have an early night so you’re ready for tomorrow,” she counselled, reaching out effortlessly to catch the piece of fried chicken Rui had just fumbled and dropped.

“Sure,” I agreed, hoping that would be the end of it, but with one innocent question she’d managed to remind me of a certain idiot who probably needed that advice more than I did, so as I returned to my room I snagged my phone from my bag, flopping down on the bed as I unlocked it.

_try to get some sleep tonight dumbass—_

I typed the message and sent it without expecting a response, but by the time I’d set an alarm for the morning his reply had appeared.

_—yes sir;)_

## #

I was just walking in the school gate when I was accosted by an over-excited Sakurai.

“Shin-chan!” he called excitedly as he bounced over to me. “I told Ryou-ni about the Kyoto trip and he’s gonna try visit me while we’re there!” I smiled and nodded, trying to fake a convincing ‘I’m happy for you’ face but pretty sure I was failing. Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, Sakurai was so excited about the prospect of seeing his brother again he was barely paying any attention to me. “I can’t wait for you to meet him!” he was saying, and I nodded again as we reached the shoe lockers. “Ryou-ni’s so cool, you’re gonna love him,” he continued to babble as we changed our shoes.

“You manage to catch up on your sleep last night?” I asked, not very subtly changing the subject, and for a moment the happy look fell from his face.

“Sorta,” he said unconvincingly. I wondered if he’d worked the late shift last night too. It was so irresponsible of him to have a job that kept him up so late, but I knew he didn’t care; he was already talking about Kyoto again and he looked so excited. I tried not to let my apprehension show. It was probably just my natural distrust of strangers but I didn’t like the idea of Sakurai seeing his brother in Kyoto.

 _Or maybe you’re just jealous he won’t stop talking about him_ , a snide voice whispered quietly in my head as I tried to ignore it. It was ridiculous to be jealous over Sakurai’s brother. Completely ridiculous.

 _Ridiculous_.

“-are you listening? Shin-chaaan?”

I jumped, realising I’d been spacing out again.

“I’m listening,” I lied; I had no idea what he was talking about and he called me on it immediately.

“No, you’re not,” he laughed. “But that’s ok.” He grinned at me and I felt a stab of guilt.

“Didn’t you say your brother goes to uni there?” I asked, remembering how Sakurai had mentioned it before.

“Yep! He goes to Ritsumeikan,” he said proudly.

“Cool.” I almost cringed at the way my voice came out sounded dismissive. It’s not like I wasn’t impressed, but I was finding it harder to care about someone Sakurai talked about with those stars in his eyes. 

“Yeah, he’s studying Pharmacology,” he continued blithely, completely oblivious to me.

"Uh huh," I said, wondering how long it would take him to realise my attention was drifting again.

“I was kinda surprised because I thought he’d always wanted to work with cars but I guess he changed his mind,” he said with a shrug, and I found myself unwillingly drawn into the conversation.

“He likes cars then?” I asked, and I could have kicked myself when Sakurai turned the full force of his smile on me.

“ _Loves_ them,” he insisted. “That’s probably where my robot obsession started, with combustion engines," he said with an apologetic shrug. "I used to help him when he pulled cars apart,” he said fondly, and I couldn’t help but smile back at the soft look on his face. “Machines are so amazing,” he continued enthusiastically. “They do exactly what they’re designed to do and when they break they’re easy to fix.”

I agreed before focusing again on my own lunch. The way Sakurai had phrased that had sent a chill down my spine. Despite how casually he’d just shared that, it felt like there was a lot more that he wasn’t saying.  

“Come on,” I told him. “We’ve got half an hour; I’ll quiz you on the Battle of Hakodate.”

## #

History was first up and I was pleasantly surprised how easy I found most of it. _Because I actually revised this time_ , I thought wryly, but reminding myself of everything that happened last Saturday ended up distracting me. I half-assed the short answer section, too caught up in my own thoughts to focus on former shoguns and restoring the emperor.

“Ok, time’s up!” Ume-sen called and I threw my pen down in disgust. At least these were just the mid-year exams; I had plenty of time to pick up my grades before the end of the year. And Sakurai was at least awake this time as he handed me his paper; I returned his smile before hurriedly taking them up to Umeda. “Japanese is in forty minutes,” Ume-sen said as he tapped the bundle on the desk to straighten them. “Remember there’s exams going on everywhere so if you wander around, do it quietly.” A general murmur of babble broke out as he left and I returned to my desk, noting Sakurai standing up to stretch as I sat back down.

When a shadow fell over my desk I automatically assumed it was Sakurai, so when I heard Tanaka speak I looked up in surprise.

“Hey, wanna have lunch with us today?” he asked, and I hesitated for a moment as Sakurai came up and threw an arm around his shoulders, looking at me expectantly. If it’d been Nakatsu I would have refused immediately without remorse, but despite his choice of best friend I’d never disliked Tanaka. He was the quietest of his group and to be honest I sort of sympathised with him, so while I might not have been exactly enthusiastic, I still found myself nodding as I stood up.

“Awesome!” Sakurai said, turning to give Nakatsu a thumbs up, and I forced myself to smile. I could do this.

“So she was standing there in a two-piece, and I mean like, this _teeny, tiny_ two-piece, and of course I had to do something,” Nakatsu was saying, and I grit my teeth as I completely failed the look of feigned interest I’d been going for. “And the lifeguard tower was completely empty, I was even wearing my red board shorts so I thought ‘hey, why not?’” Nakatsu continued, looking around at the three grinning and one frowning face watching him.

“ _No_ ,” Arai said under his breath, clearly knowing his friend well enough to guess how this story played out, and when I shot a look at Sakurai he’d raised a hand to cover the laugh that had just slipped out.

“Oh yes,” Nakatsu confirmed, eyes closed as he nodded seriously for a moment. “I totally told her I was the lifeguard, and not to worry if she felt short of breath, coz I know CPR.”

“ _Nakatsu_ , that’s _so lame_ ,” Tanaka groaned as Arai and Sakurai dissolved into giggles.

“Yeah, well, I thought it was a good line,” Nakatsu defended himself weakly. “Totally would’ve worked too if she hadn’t been the actual lifeguard.”

Even Tanaka was laughing at him now and I couldn’t help my own grin. At least, I was smiling until Sakurai leaned on Tanaka’s shoulder. They caught each other’s eye and collapsed in a fresh wave of giggles, and I felt the smile slide from my face.

“Dude,” Tanaka said helplessly as he struggled to sit upright again.

“You’re never gonna get laid at this rate,” Arai added with a shake of his head.

“Oh come on,” Nakatsu demanded as he looked around at his friends.

“Yeah,” Tanaka piped up. “Someone’ll take pity on him.”

“Hey! I’ve got game!” he insisted.

“Sure thing, man,” Arai told him, one hand patting him consolingly on the shoulder. “You just keep telling yourself that.”

“Well I’d like to see _you_ do better,” Nakatsu shot back. “And seriously, if we’re gonna laugh at me striking out then how about we open this circle to a new contender, _Kaoru_ ,” he said meaningfully, turning a look on Tanaka who was suddenly no longer smiling.

“Low blow, dude,” Arai commented lightly, and I noticed a pink blush high in Tanaka’s cheeks before he loudly asked what the time was. I shook my head, silently wondering what the hell was wrong with these people.

## #

I survived a lunch with Nakatsu and company. _Barely_.

I sat at my desk, staring down at the printed page of our exam as the teacher announced we could begin. I reached out for my pencil automatically, the sound of lead scratching on paper soon filling the air, but my heart wasn’t in it; I just couldn’t focus. I was proud of me, for stepping outside my comfort zone and trying something different, but overshadowing my achievement was the dark cloud of my undeniable jealousy.

I wrote in my first answer, tapping my pencil idly as I contemplated the next question, mind still mostly on how I had, in less than two weeks, become outrageously jealous of anyone Sakurai interacted with. This was ridiculous. People liked Sakurai. Of _course_ people liked Sakurai, he was _perfect_. If I wanted to keep spending time with him I was going to have to accept that he’d be spending time with other people too, but as I kept filling in answers on autopilot I couldn’t shake the burning hot feeling in my chest, that unrelenting ball of simmering rage that Sakurai was my friend, my _only_ friend, and as such didn’t I have a greater claim on him than the others?  

Was I being unreasonable? Probably. My mother was always telling me I didn’t know how to share. But right now I didn’t really care about being reasonable. I’d learnt my lesson anyway. Clearly, I was never going to get along with Nakatsu’s group. I’d tried and failed and now I could go back to spending lunch with just Sakurai, and if he didn’t like it than I was no stranger to spending lunch on my own.

We were kept back after the exam until twelve even though we didn’t have any more exams today. Sakurai came over to sit on my desk during the fifteen minutes we had spare and I mostly just listened to him talk, seat pushed back to give him room as he leant back on one arm, the other hand in the air gesturing as he told me how many four kanji idioms he’d remembered on his test until Ume-sen had announced we were free to go.

“Wait for me!” I heard Sakurai call, because by the time he’d returned to his own desk I was already out the door, and although I didn’t stop I at least slowed my steps as I heard his footsteps pounding after me.

“Are you working again today?” I asked as he fell into step beside me.

“Yeah, afternoon shift,” he confirmed, and off my look he raised his hands defensively. “Just the one! No doubles tonight!” he insisted. “I’ve got plans later, anyway,” he added, continuing when I didn’t interrupt. “Apparently I’ve been “ _complaining_ ” about exams,” he made little air quotes and I chuckled at his voice dripping with sarcasm, “So I’ve been told I’m studying tonight.”

I stiffened at the mention, trying for nonchalance as I enquired, “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed, obliviously. “Sometimes it pays off when pretty much everyone you know has already finished high school. I’m getting study tips.” He was stretching, arms above his head and yawning as I shot him a quick look before facing back down the hall.

“They might be finished but did they do any better than you’re doing?” I shot back, not meaning to pick a fight but feeling a prickle of fear as my thoughts turned towards the older boyfriend I’d been so briefly acquainted with.

“Sure,” he replied distractedly, pulling out his phone. I watched as a surprised look flitted over his face and he swiped it unlocked. “I was doing really well at Toshima; Keisuke’s a surprisingly good tutor,” he said replied distractedly, eyes scanning over the screen before quickly typing a message. My stomach had dropped at the mention of Keisuke and I reached for my bag strap, hiking it up more securely on my shoulder as I ducked my head.

“Well good luck with your study,” I said curtly before picking up the pace, and when Sakurai called out I ignored him, taking the stairs two at a time as I hurried towards the shoe lockers.

So Sakurai was still talking to Keisuke. That was fine. I didn’t care. I was _fine_.

## # 

_—Guess what I’m doing rn_

I stared at the message, trying to ignore the lewd suggestion at the back of my mind as I thought about a response.

_Not sleeping, obvs—_

I grinned to myself when he replied almost immediately.

_—smartass_

_—I told you I’m studying tonight_

_—I deserve a medal_

_pics or it didn’t happen—_

_— <attachment.jpeg156> _

_—lol I’d already sent it_

I stared silently at the selfie now taking up my screen. Sakurai _was_ studying, or at least he’d bothered to open his books long enough to take a photo with them. He’d pushed his hair back with a sweatband this time and the shortest strands were sticking up, catching the light as he made a peace sign and grinned up at the camera.

_—you’re getting predictable Shin-chan^^_

 

Me? Predictable? I rolled my eyes as I sent a reply.

_you’re just untrustworthy—_

—¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

_get back to studying. See you tomo—_

_—hey! Don’t I get a pic? What about Equivalent Exchange??_

_I don’t need to study. I have nothing to prove—_

_—prove you’re really Shin-chan!_

_—You could be a bot for all I know_

I chuckled to myself as I typed my reply.

_Sounds like a dream come true for you, Robot boy—_

_—Shin-channnnnnn_

_—So no selfie?_

_—Are you ignoring me now??_

_—Unbelievable_

_—G’night Shinji ^_^_

 

## #

After all my chastising about getting to bed at a reasonable time I couldn’t believe I was running late myself, sleeping straight through my alarm and having to rush to make it in time, and as I neared the top of the hill and the school gates finally came into sight I knew I was cutting it close. A bright red car had zoomed past me and my eyes automatically followed it as it crawled to a stop outside the gates. Expensive vehicles weren’t exactly an uncommon sight in this ritzy neighbourhood, but as the door opened and a familiar figure appeared I felt my feet rooted to the ground in shock.

“Thanks, you’re a life saver!” I heard Sakurai call out, leaning down to smile at the driver. A look of surprise flitted across his face and I saw him start to shake his head before his smile was back. He reached in, hand reappearing and folding a few notes before he stuffed them in his back pocket. I was frozen in place; suddenly everything seemed like it was playing in slow motion as Sakurai shut the door and dramatically mimed blowing them a kiss. I hung back, praying that Sakurai wouldn’t turn around and notice me standing like a statue, and sure enough he shouldered his bag and was walking quickly through the gates. I watched as the car made a turn at the top of the hill, and my eyes followed it as it cruised past me. The tinting was too dark to make out the driver.

Who was giving Sakurai lifts to school in an expensive, foreign car?

It could be anyone, really. I knew practically nothing about Sakurai, but I hated how my mind immediately jumped to the possibility of Keisuke. He’d looked like he was old enough to drive, and I could easily picture him in a gaudy sports car like that. As I reached the gates, noting that Sakurai had already disappeared into the building I reflected that of course I could just _ask_ him whose car it was, but something was holding me back.

## #

 _Last one_ , I thought to myself with a satisfied smile. Just science to go and then we were free, and going on the Kyoto trip tomorrow. This week was finally looking up.

Sakurai had looked pretty confident when I’d collected his exam sheet, smirking up at me as he handed it over. We were sitting in the library now, killing time until twelve until we were officially allowed to leave school grounds. Ume-sen had relented at least and let us out of the classroom, so we’d gone to the library. I was still smarting from his comment, dripping with sarcasm, that it was only because I was such a “responsible class rep” he was letting us go.

“Back in a sec,” Sakurai announced, sliding his phone he’d been playing with onto the table next to me and I looked up from my book.

“Sure,’ I confirmed as he disappeared, presumably to the bathroom.

Sakurai’s phone buzzed and I ignored it, eyes firmly on my page until I heard it buzz again. Two new messages had lit up the screen and while I hadn’t meant to pry, I’d read the previews before I could look away.

_“Don’t forget what I promised you last night”_

_“Good boys get rewards bad boys get punished”_

The contact name was saved as “Evil Overlord” and I felt my stomach lurch sickeningly. It tied in with the playful way Sakurai had interacted with the driver this morning; the way he’d kissed his fingers and blown the kiss at the car was etched in my memory forever. It seemed too much of a coincidence that Sakurai had brought up Keisuke yesterday for it to _not_ be him. Another buzz and I could see a picture attachment had come through. I couldn’t help but wonder what it might be.

Something about this wasn’t sitting right with me though. Sakurai had been home last night; I literally had photographic proof that he’d been studying. I pulled out my own phone, opening the image of Sakurai grinning foolishly over his textbooks and suddenly I felt my blood run cold.

On the table – leaking condensation in a puddle that threatened to reach his textbook – was an open can. I hadn’t even noticed it last night, but as I dragged the image to make it bigger I could clearly make out a logo I recognised as being a popular beer. It would have been bad enough if it was Sakurai’s, except it wasn’t; I could see a half-drunk melon soda just visible over his shoulder.

“Hey, what’d I miss?” Sakurai’s playful tone broke my reverie and I jumped before I clicked off my screen.

“Nothing,” I said, clearing my throat as the word came out drenched in guilt. Sakurai was oblivious though, picking up his phone and scanning the texts with a roll of his eyes before tossing it aside and asking me if I wanted to sneak out early. There was barely thirty minutes to twelve, and suddenly I didn’t want to be cooped up in the library anymore either, so I followed after him, letting him tell me all about how excited he was for the trip tomorrow but I couldn’t stop thinking about the photo.   

Someone had been over last night while Sakurai studied. Someone who was drinking beer. And most likely driving him to school, too. I was pretty sure the crushing pain in my chest was my heart breaking.

## #

Sakurai had just jumped the last two steps down when Umeda caught us, beckoning Sakurai over with a stern expression he rarely wore.

Sakurai shrugged, giving me a confused look and I moved to follow before Umeda waved me off.

“Run along, kiddo,” he said dismissively, and in a snap decision hung back, trailing them to the staff room far enough behind them to stay unnoticed.

I wasn’t sure why I was following Sakurai, but something about the look on Umeda’s face was bothering me. It was impossible to hear everything from where I hovered awkwardly beyond the doorway but I could catch enough to learn that Sakurai had only just scraped through on most of his exams. _If Ume-sen is worried then it must be bad_ , I thought, frowning as I leant back against the wall. He’d seemed to do ok on Saturday; there was no reason he shouldn’t have done reasonably on his tests this week. I heard him laugh an excuse, clearly not bothered about the near miss of having to retake them over the summer break.

“Yep, gotcha, will totally keep that in mind!” I heard Sakurai calling back to Umeda, his voice getting louder as he approached the door. “Hey,” he said, nearly barrelling into me as I stepped into the doorway.

“What was that about?” I asked, not bothering to hide the fact that I’d clearly followed him up here.

“Nothing,” he said with a wave. “Just some stuff about the Kyoto trip,” he lied, and I frowned as I followed him down the hallway, arms crossed over my chest.

“Sakurai,” I said warningly, and his footsteps slowed before he spun around to face me.

“Ishida,” he said back, mocking my tone as he mimicked my pose, frown and all.

“Fine, ignore me then. Flunk out of school – I don’t care,” I said shortly, and he sighed.

He regarded me for a long moment before he couldn’t keep a straight face anymore. “Relax, Shin-chan; there’s nothing to worry about,” he said reassuringly.

“Then why did you nearly fail everything?” I asked petulantly, and he made a sad face at me.  

“Not _everything_ ,”

“Near enough,” I shot back, and he had the good grace to at least look a bit sheepish.

“I’m just tired, alright?” he said in his defence, and I could see that he wasn’t wrong. He _looked_ tired. Exhausted, actually. But even as I thought that I knew if I asked him he’d tell me he’d been doing the late shifts again, I suddenly remembered the text from earlier and the last thing I wanted was him going out to meet the author of it.

 “Come on,” I muttered, crossing over to him in three quick strides and grabbing his arm to pull him along with me.

“Where are we going?” he asked as I march him down the hall, brightening as a thought occurred to him. “Do you wanna do something?”

“You’re going home,” I corrected him. “You need sleep.”

“I have to work tonight,” he protested, tugging his arm free and I slowed my steps to match his. “But you can come over for a bit,” he offered. “I know I don’t have games but we can listen to music.”

“ _Sakurai_ ,” I said in exasperation. “You’re not listening; you need _rest_ ,” I told him, but he’d dug his heels in until I couldn’t drag him along anymore. When I spun around to face him and his smile was gone.

“You don’t understand,” he said evenly. “I can’t afford to skip work.” I shook my head at him in frustration; this was maddening.

“You can’t afford to skip work now but you can still go on the Kyoto trip?” I asked incredulously. “How does that make sense?” I demanded, but he just glowered at me silently. “Fine!” I said, throwing my hands up in defeat. “How much could you possibly earn in one day?” I demanded.

“Nearly nine thousand yen,” he said evenly, and my jaw dropped. “More than ten on a good day,” he added. My mind was reeling. _Ten thousand_? That was a _lot_ of money for a fifteen-year-old to be making for a few hours work. No wonder he’d been so concerned when he’d thought his job was in jeopardy. But it wasn’t like missing one day was going to be the end of the world.

“Look,” I said, digging in my bag for my wallet and sending up a grateful prayer that I hadn’t spent much this week. “I’ll just give you ten and you can call in sick tonight.” I took two five thousand yen notes from my wallet and held them out to him, but he recoiled from it, a shocked look on his face.

“I’m not taking your money,” he insisted hotly, but I stepped closer, hand still outstretched, because if he could take handouts from Keisuke than he could damn well take them from me.

“Why not? I’m just gonna waste it on food or random crap anyway; just take it.” I reached out to catch his hand, slapping the notes in his palm. He looked down at his hand, and when he looked up again hurt was flashing in his eyes before he shook his head.

“You really are an asshole sometimes, aren’t you?” he said, voice dripping with derision as he stepped closer to slap the money to my chest. He was gone in an instant, walking away quickly as the notes fluttered to the floor, oblivious to the way I bit my lip as tears threatened to fall, because no matter what I did, I always managed to fuck things up somehow, but I was unprepared for just how much it hurt this time.

I’d thought the worst of it had already happened, but lying wide-awake in bed that night it just kept getting worse, because no matter what I did I couldn’t sleep.

I’d been thinking about Sakurai all afternoon. Mostly the hurt look on his face as he’d thrown my money back at me. I didn’t really understand; I just wanted to _help_ , so what was his problem? It was really his fault for being so ungrateful, wasn’t it? Except now that I’d replayed our argument for the hundredth time I was almost prepared to acknowledge that I could have handled it a little more gracefully. But Sakurai was still partly to blame. All he had to say was no - he didn’t have to keep treating my offers to help like I was some kind of patronising dick.

Except I kinda was.

Goddamnit.

## #

My alarm was ringing insistently and I slapped at my phone until it shut off. I’d had the worst night’s sleep, or rather, I’d had the worst _night_ , because I was pretty sure I hadn’t done much sleeping. After I’d started to realise that maybe Sakurai wasn’t completely to blame I’d given up in disgust, taking out my frustrations on an Overwatch rampage instead of picking up my phone and texting an apology, and now I was realising that I was going on the Kyoto trip in less than an hour and I still hadn’t packed anything.

Thirty minutes, some furious packing and a record-speed breakfast later and I was rushing out the door, racing for the station and hoping that the early morning commuter rush was already over. Although by the time I made it to the rendezvous point I was starting to wish I’d just stayed home instead. I’d found my class milling together at the east entrance of the station, and I approached them slowly, my footsteps heavy with dread even before I heard the enthusiastic “Sakurai, Ishida! Over here!” from Nakatsu.

I immediately looked away from them, and a moment later I stumbled when someone bumped into my shoulder. An apology was on the tip of my tongue before I realised it was Sakurai, and I swallowed the words back down as he reached them, Nakatsu giving him a friendly slap on the shoulder. It appeared that Sakurai was steadfastly ignoring me, but I saw Tanaka’s gaze flit over as Sakurai shook his head. As soon as we made eye contact I turned away, pulling out my phone and stuffing my bag between my feet as I waited. Two could play at that game.

“Hold still everyone while I count you!” Ume-sen’s stressed-out voice carried over the group and I pressed my lips together to stop a smile as I heard him brush past me with a murmured “...Twelve, thirteen...” Before long he was satisfied we were all present and accounted for and we formed two lines to walk to platform six. “Here, Ishida,” Ume-sen split a stack of green tickets and handed me half. “Can you hand these out? Everyone needs a ticket! _Don’t lose it!”_ he turned to shout the last commands at the group and I heard a snort of laughter from Arai, no doubt remembering our last class trip when we’d nearly left a frantically-sobbing Nakatsu in Nagasaki because he’d misplaced his train ticket.

I walked to the front of the line and started handing out tickets until I only had one left. Ume-sen appeared to have handed out the rest already and I stood awkwardly to the side as I realised i was now standing near to Sakurai.  I shoved my ticket into my pocket before retrieving my phone and ignoring the way Sakurai was rocking on his feet, flicking the corner of his ticket with his thumbnail while we waited for the train.

Everything was fine until the train pulled up. I’d racked up more points on the mindless app I was quickly mastering, happy to ignore and be ignored before the doors were opening and we were ushered in to find our seats. I glanced down at my seat number, scanning the rows and taking my seat by the window when I heard a huffed sigh of frustration. When I looked Sakurai was rolling his eyes skyward, face carefully neutral as he shoved his bag into the overhead rack.

“ _Typical_ ,” he muttered as he collapsed into the seat next to me, and I turned and stared out the window, hoping the set of my shoulders communicated I was just as annoyed as he clearly was, but having to blink back a sudden prickle of tears. 

Tanaka was in the seat in front of Sakurai and he’d turned around, leaning over the back to engage him in conversation as I leant my head on the window, watching the platform start to rush by as we pulled out of the station. Despite my intention to completely blank him while he being an ass I couldn’t help but listen in as Tanaka tried to find out what was wrong.

“Dude, you haven’t shut up about this trip for like a week, why d'you look like someone died?” Tanaka asked in exasperation. I folded my arms, pointedly glaring out the window as Sakurai replied.

“No one’s dead. Not _yet_ , anyway.” I could practically feel his eyes boring into the back of my head. “I just wanted the window seat,” he said in a petty tone, and I allowed myself a grin of victory, because even if he didn’t give a fuck about the window seat I still felt like I was winning this battle.

“I’m sure Ishida would swap with you, right Ishida?” Tanka asked innocently. I could have strangled him, but before I could respond Sakurai was already butting in loudly.

“No, it’s fine. I don’t want to impose on anyone,” he announced, and I turned to glare at him.

“It’s not like you’d take it even if I offered, right?” I shot back nastily, and Tanaka’s face was a mask of confusion as he stared between us.

“I don’t need your charity,” he said tightly. We’d given up on all pretences now, arms crossed as we faced off but voices still low enough that our argument was going largely unnoticed.  

“No, only the best for you, right Sakurai? You’ve already got your own special benefactor,” I said with a sneer. That knocked him, I could tell. Instead of replying he was shrinking back, licking his lips nervously as I regrouped for a final attack. “So tell me, if your boyfriend's paying you,” I began in a quiet hiss, noting the way his eyes flicked up to mine and ignoring the fear in them as I continued. “Doesn’t that kinda make you a whor—“

Tears had sprang up, his eyes shiny with them and I felt the word catch in my throat. I’d gone too far. I felt guilt welling up as I looked from Sakurai’s hurt face to the look of pure shock on Tanaka’s.

“Hey, swap with me,” I heard Tanaka say, noting that he’d slid out of his seat and was tugging on Sakurai’s sleeve until he got up. I turned back to glare out the window as I listened to Tanaka take Sakurai’s vacated seat, and if the scenery was blurry it was only because we were traveling so fast, and not at all because my own eyes had filled with tears.

## #

It had been the worst two and a half hours of my entire life.

Tanaka hadn’t tried to talk to me, just let me sulk and stare out the window as I’d pressed my head against the glass and tried to wish away the stupid things I’d said. I was starting to think I should hate him; ever since he’d crash landed in my life all he’d done was make things difficult for me. I was changing, turning into a different person. A selfish, jealous person. I _hated_ it.

By the time we’d arrived at Kyoto station Sakurai had fallen back into wilfully ignoring me, so I gathered up my bag and avoided making eye contact as we filed out onto the platform.

“Ok, two lines again people, following me!” Ume-sen called out as we slowly obliged, and we marched out of the station towards the bus depot where Ume-sen dragged me by the arm to help him with getting day passes for all of us. We had a full schedule of sightseeing planned, and it had been less than forty eight hours ago that I’d been full of enthusiasm for this trip, but that had been when I thought I’d be enjoying it with Sakurai, before I’d gone and fucked everything up. Now I just wanted to go home. But it wasn’t as horrible as I’d imagined it would be.

It was so much worse.

As I’d sulked on the train, I’d turned over and over in my head how this trip was going to be just like every other trip; I’d be bored, lonely, taking in the sights and wishing I could be a part of the laughing, the joking, the camaraderie that everyone else so effortlessly seemed to be part of, but this was even worse than that.

Because I was being deliberately ignored.

I had my suspicions at the first location, when I’d caught up to Sakurai and the rest of them in the winding garden paths and they’d deliberately turned off to circle back to the castle. I climbed to the lookout alone, biting my lip as I stared out over the battlements and hoped that I was wrong.

I hadn’t been wrong.

At the next temple they just stopped in the middle of the path. Nakatsu had paused mid-sentence and they waited silently until I’d walked passed them before resuming the animated conversation they’d been having.

I knew I deserved it.

It didn’t make it hurt any less.

## #

We’d finally reached our last temple of the day and I was sick and tired of both sightseeing and being shunned. Piling out of the bus we gathered on the roadside, waiting for further instructions and I stepped back from the group to stare up the winding road that led to the temple. A cool breeze was ruffling my hair and I glanced up at the overcast sky, wondering if it would rain soon. I felt like it would be the most appropriate end to this entire shitty day - getting rained out at the end. With a sigh I fell into step as we made our way past stalls of gaudy souvenirs. I spotted an archery set, for show more than anything – the flimsy string didn’t look like it could launch anything with enough force to cause damage – and at that exact moment Ume-sen’s voice raised once more.

“Put that _down_ , Arai.”

There was a smattering of laughter and I peered ahead to see Arai sheepishly putting down a bow and quiver while Sakurai doubled over laughing at him. I’d almost caught up to them and suddenly Sakurai noticed me watching. He stopped laughing abruptly but he didn’t turn away. For a moment we both silently stared before I blinked and looked away. He’d turned and fallen into step again and being just a few feet from me I could hear him perfectly when he started talking.

“Too bad; I bet you could’ve hit that sign,” Sakurai commented lightly, and it sounded like the continuation of an earlier conversation.

“Not that I’m doubting my own abilities, but it would’ve been a stretch,” Arai admitted with a laugh.

“Are you joking?” Nakatsu insisted loudly, leaning an arm heavily on Arai’s shoulder until he shoved him off again. “I doubt it’d go further than a metre – did you _see_ that string?” he added, stumbling for a step until he regained his balance. Tanaka remained silent, glancing between Sakurai and over at me as I swallowed nervously and hoped they’d just keep talking like normal. I couldn’t take being snubbed much longer.

“I picked a good one,” Arai defended the slight, or perhaps his own abilities. Sakurai’s steps had slowed until he dropped a step behind them and I stood up a little straighter. Seamlessly, Tanaka had swapped places with Sakurai as he insisted that they were _both_ idiots and if they didn’t calm down soon Umeda was going to lose it with them once and for all.

I darted a glance at Sakurai, surprised to see he was looking over at me already, and I offered him a tentative smile. My heart sank when he didn’t return it, but already we’d reached the stone steps that led to the temple entrance.

“Ok, lining up please, people,” Ume-sen was walking down the line, supervising as we took turns to symbolically wash our hands before dispersing around the courtyard. I took my turn, the cold water making me look up and take note of the swirling grey clouds that signified that rain was on it’s way. “Can you all just,” Ume-sen started, frustration in his voice evident as he tried to keep the group of increasingly boisterous students under control. “Don’t walk away, line _up_ please – what is it, Ishida?” he asked with a sigh, because on a whim I’d just tapped him on the shoulder. 

“I’m tired; I think I’ll pass on this one,” I said while Ume-sen gave me an unconvinced look. Did he think I was making it up? He had no reason to doubt me, even if it wasn’t really the whole truth. I _was_ tired, but mostly I just couldn’t handle another half an hour of Sakurai pretending that I didn’t exist.

“I’m not gonna force you but…are you _sure_?” he asked, and I turned to sit down on the steps.

“You made us walk forever today, gimme a break,” I said flatly, and he laughed at that, finally turning away to follow the rest of the class.

“Fine; we’ll be back soon. Don’t wander off though!” he warned, and I slumped back against the railing. “Arai! _Put him down!”_ I winced, flinching as Ume-sen shouted, striding over to the group where Tanaka was collapsed in helpless tears of laughter while Arai was playfully threatening to shove Nakatsu off the balcony. At least, I assumed it was playful. Nakatsu was pretty annoying and he wasn’t doing himself any favours with all the shrieking he was currently doing.

Despite them Umeda had managed to get the class moving and I closed my eyes as they filed passed me. Their excited chatter echoed off the walls as they left me alone.

“Mind if I skip with you?” a voice asked, and as a shadow fell over me I didn’t have to look up to know it was Sakurai. _Not at all_ , I thought silently.

“Suit yourself,” I said sullenly, mentally kicking myself for being too petty to apologise now that he’d made the first move. I heard Sakurai sigh and sit next to me, and I forced myself to hold still instead of inching away like a four-year-old throwing a tantrum.

 _This is your chance_ , I thought furiously. _Apologise, now._

“Sorry I blew up at you,” he said, and I choked on the words that were stuck in my throat.

“Forget it,” I said, realising too late I still sounded petty and sullen. “I mean, I’m sorry too,” I quickly amended. “For what I said.” As an apology it was woefully insufficient. “And I wasn’t trying to offend you yesterday,” I told him, willing him to understand I wasn’t the asshole he thought I was. “I just wanted to help,” I finished with a helpless shrug, but when I risked a glance at him he was smiling wistfully.

“Now who’s the dumbass?” he asked, finally looking over and catching my eye.

“Still you,” I told him firmly, lying back on the smooth concrete and shutting my eyes against the glare. I felt relieved that it seemed like we weren’t fighting anymore. I hadn’t liked fighting with Sakurai. I was going to try hard not to do it again.

“Whatever, pervert,” he shot back, and I couldn’t help the grin tugging at my lips. “Wanna see how dead Nakatsu would’ve been if Arai dropped him?” he asked, and I opened my eyes, blinking up before Sakurai stepped into the light.

“Sure,” I agreed, accepting the offered hand and climbing to my feet. He didn’t let go right away and after a second I felt the now-familiar awkwardness settle in, but then he was turning away, hand sliding out of mine as he started walking over to the balcony. I followed slowly, buying time as I tried to get my heartbeat under control. “ _Very_ dead,” I commented, joining him at the railing and leaning over to see the sharp drop to the paved ground below. “Pity he didn’t fall.”

“You ever notice how you say really mean things?” he asked quietly, and after a moment of reflection I felt a flicker of remorse. Sakurai was leaning on the railing, chin resting on his arms as he tilted his head to look up at me. I looked away sheepishly for a moment before turning around to lean back on the railing, arms folding defensively over my chest.

“I don’t mean it,” I confessed flatly. “Just ignore me; half of what I say is bullshit anyway.”

He was smiling again, I could see it from the corner of my eye, but before he replied he was reaching up to run a hand through his hair. I felt something in my hair and I looked up, a cold, wet raindrop hitting my cheek next.

There were spots appearing on the concrete around our feet and Sakurai had burst into laughter.

“Race you!” he called out, already sprinting towards the safety of the temple steps.  I ran after him, but the cold water was quickly soaking into the thin fabric of my shirt and by the time I’d reached cover I was already drenched.

“Typical,” I muttered, shaking the excess water from my hair and shivering in the cool air as the downpour began in earnest. The sound of the rain on the roof was deafening as the world outside turned white.

I climbed the steps slowly, happy to be out of the rain and squeezing the excess water from my shirt before sinking to the floor to lean against a pillar, drawing my knees up as Sakurai settled just a foot away.

“You’re all wet,” he said with a laugh, and I felt him pinch at my damp shirt, pulling it away from my shoulder.

“So’re you,” I grumbled, and I wasn’t wrong; even through lowered lashes I could see his white school shirt was practically see-through now.

“I’m cold,” he replied, and I saw him shiver. I was too, but I was too proud to admit it.

“It’s your own fault,” I said instead. “I was happy to just wait here but nooo,” I’d closed my eyes, leaning my head back on the pillar, “ _Somebody_ wanted to see the view,” I finished accusingly, and Sakurai laughed again.

“Didn’t hear you complaining before,” he said playfully.   

 “I’m tired, lemme sleep,” I grumbled, but he laughed and pushed closer.

“Shin-chan~” Sakurai sang in my ear and I raised a hand to push him away, my hand finding his shoulder as I opened my eyes.

“Lemme alone, Saku…rai…”

My complaint died on my lips as he came into focus, because he was close. Too close. I blinked slowly, almost forgetting how to breathe as I saw myself reflected in his eyes.  He was so close I could hear when he nervously swallowed. My heart was suddenly pounding and I wondered if he could hear it too. It was like time was standing still as we searched each other’s eyes. I didn’t know what I was waiting for. A sign? Some indication that he wanted this too? My hand was still on his shoulder and my fingers tensed, pulling at the fabric of his shirt as my brain shouting conflicting messages of _let go! Push him away! No, pull him closer!_ and in my confusion I was leaning towards him.

 _“Shinji?”_ he whispered questioningly. A crack of thunder made us both jump and suddenly I was aware of too many things, like how the rain was still pounding against the ground to make a white mist that cut us off from the rest of the world, and the way water was beading off Sakurai’s hair; a slow, steady drip that was drowned out by the rain. We were still too close because I could see how his eyes had gone wide. What the hell was I doing? Suddenly it was like we’d been dropped back in the real world. The sound of dozens of feet approaching echoed in our ears, competing with the sound of the rain and I’d fallen back, breathless and disappointed as I snapped back to reality.

“-slow down please! That means you, Nakatsu!” I heard Umeda call out and suddenly Sakurai was on his feet, breezing past me to loudly ask how the tour had been and I cringed as I climbed to my feet. I’d just nearly kissed Sakurai. What the hell was wrong with me?


	6. Step 6: meet his family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited in a rush and not very well but I just wanted to get this chapter posted. Pls enjoy even with any errors^^

We checked in to our hotel for the night, finally getting the opportunity to change out of our wet clothes. While I’d been in the shower sleeping spots must have been decided, because by the time I was finished all the bedding was laid out and I spotted my bag next to a futon on the far side of the room, and miles away from where Sakurai was sitting on his futon, eyes glued to his phone screen as he tapped out a message.

We were both tacitly ignoring the almost-kiss incident. In the flurry of activity as we’d made a mad dash back to the bus stop I’d been too caught up in the moment to think about the consequences, but now that everything had calmed down again I was struggling with my embarrassment, because Sakurai had a boyfriend, didn’t he? He’d told me that ages ago, but lately I’d been finding it harder and harder to recall that simple fact. I didn’t want to admit it, and there was no way I’d say it out loud, but I was pretty sure I was nursing one hell of a crush on Sakurai, and I had absolutely zero ideas how to deal with that.

So when Sakurai had bounded over all excited to tell me that Ryou had texted him that he’d meet him tonight it was easier to just revert back to the way I normally acted around him than to address what had nearly happened.  Which was why I was currently tapping my foot impatiently, arms crossed defensively over my chest as I tried to tell him I thought what he was doing was a bad idea, because it didn’t matter who you were, wandering around a strange city late at night was going to be trouble, but that went doubly for someone being stalked by dubious people.

“Sakurai,” I said flatly. “You’re being stupid. Don’t be stupid, dumbass.” But of course he wasn’t listening to me, he _never_ listened to me. Right now, he was shaking his head as he bent over his phone again.

“Do you have any idea how long it’s been since I’ve seen him? Nearly a _year,”_ he said, barely looking up as he sent off another reply. “I’m going,” he added firmly, and I put my head in my hands, frustrated and trying desperately to think of anything else that might convince him that what he was doing was incredibly foolish. With a sigh I realized if I couldn’t get through to him then the best I could hope for was damage control.

“Fine,” I said finally, resigning myself to my fate. “Then I’m going with you.” Sakurai was grinning at me like a fool and I rolled my eyes at him, turning away before he could see me smile, but now that I was in on the plan he seemed even happier than before, gleefully showing me a google map and pointing out that we could walk there easily.

“This is the weirdest city,” he said, referring to the bus network that serviced the city in lieu of trains, a form of transport more familiar to the both of us. “But it’s probably only about a half hour walk,” he continued, hiding his uncertainty pretty well as he scrolled around the map. “See? This is us here,” he pointed to a hotel mark on the grid. “I’m pretty good with directions; I’ll get us there.”

It seemed pointless to try and argue further so for the rest of the afternoon I let him enjoy the anticipation. He’d been cagey about details before, mostly just being generally excited about the prospect of seeing his brother again, but now that he had a solid plan to see him tonight it was like the floodgates had been opened. By the time we were cleaning up after dinner I reflected that I’d been so much happier when “Ryou-ni” had been more of an abstract concept, because now I knew he was Sakurai’s older brother by four years, and that he’d been good enough at basketball to have been a starter on his high school team. I even knew his favourite colour was deep purple, that he liked American hip hop and he hated miso soup. With all the useless knowledge I’d gained I felt like I was the world’s least impressive expert, a reluctant professor in the field of Ryou Sakurai.

Because Ryou had asked to meet him so late there was no way we were going to get permission so Sakurai’s genius plan was to wait until everyone was asleep, then sneak out. It wasn’t a ridiculous idea; our room was at least on the lower floor. A balcony stretched the length of the room and from there it was a two foot jump down to the road below. Earlier we’d retrieved our shoes from the lockers in the entrance way, hiding them outside ready for our late-night excursion, because while the front doors might have still been unlocked at midnight, we didn’t want to alert anyone that we were leaving.

So far everything was going smoothly. We stayed up past the official “lights out” at ten; Ume-sen had already been in to tell us off once as our card game, played by the light of Tanaka’s phone, got a little out of hand. By eleven thirty half our number had already given up and crawled into bed, but Nakatsu, Sakurai and I were carrying on the game.

“You win again,” Nakatsu said in disbelief, chucking down his own cards and throwing his hands up in defeat.  I glanced down at his cards, the eight, nine, three standing out starkly against the white of the futon cover.

“ _Ya-ku-za_ ,” Sakurai whispered, and we both looked at him questioningly. “It’s where they got their name,” Sakurai explained off our looks. “The worst hand you can draw in oicho-kabu: a big fat zero.”

“That makes sense. You’ve definitely lost if they’re involved,” Nakatsu said darkly, chuckling to himself as he collected the cards back, shuffling them together as I watched Sakurai from the corner of my eye. He’d flinched at Nakatsu’s comment, but given his behaviour for the last hour it didn’t exactly stand out. Winning the last few games had been pure luck, because the closer the clock ticked to midnight the more fidgety Sakurai had become, and it was impossible to focus on the game with him squirming uncomfortably and constantly checking his phone.

“I think I’m gonna call it a night,” I said, giving a big fake yawn and looking deliberately over at Sakurai. He picked up on the ruse immediately, stretching his arms wide as he agreed.

“Yeah, me too,” he said, climbing to his feet. “Night, Nakatsu.”

“Night,” he replied, and before I could follow Sakurai’s example I felt a hand clapping me on the shoulder. “Good game, Ishida,” he said genially, and I jumped, not used to the contact. He chuckled again as he shook my shoulder. “G’night.”

“Night, Nakatsu,” I managed to reply, and I stood up to walk over to my futon. Sakurai was set up next to Nakatsu, and I kept my eyes firmly averted as I crawled into bed, wondering how long we’d have to wait for Nakatsu to drop off.

I’d nearly fallen asleep. I certainly felt halfway between sleep and awake when I realised Sakurai was hunched over me, wordlessly shaking my shoulder to wake me up. He’d pulled on jeans and as I rolled out of bed I did the same, trying to be as quiet as possible as I followed him over to the balcony door. The sound of the door sliding in the wooden tracks seemed impossibly loud in the quiet of the room, but a glance around confirmed that we hadn’t disturbed anyone. We tiptoed outside, carefully closing the door behind us as I tried not to think about the possibility of someone waking up and locking us out.

“Ok,” Sakurai whispered, heading for the corner where we’d stashed our shoes. “So far, so good.”

## #

 _This is a bad idea_ , I thought for the hundredth time. We’d been out here now for at least forty minutes. Every car that passed us had made me jump guiltily and after consulting his map again Sakurai was now leading us through the narrower back alleys. He was marching down the side street ahead of my cautiously slow steps and I hurried to catch up again before he disappeared in the deep shadows. It was still and creepy, and now that we were out in the oppressively humid night air I was beginning to think I just hadn’t tried hard enough to talk him out of this.

“Sakurai!” I whispered furiously, because he’d just slipped around the corner up ahead. I broke out into a jog, nearly colliding with him when he ducked back around, an annoyed look on his face.

“Will you hurry up? We’re already late,” he said shortly before checking his phone again. “I think it’s just the next street over, come on.” He was already marching away again. I sighed, fanning myself with my shirt as I called after him uselessly. I’d dressed for summer temperatures but still, it was ridiculously hot tonight.

“Wait up,” I hissed after him, but he was already halfway down the street when I rounded the corner. “Oh, come _on_ ,” I moaned, but just then a figure detached from the shadows and I felt rooted to the spot, sudden fear sending a cold chill down my spine until,

“Ryou-ni!”

I watched as Sakurai launched himself joyously at the tall figure, completely oblivious to me as I slowly approached. I was close enough now that I could see his features; a grown-up version of Sakurai: taller, a little stubble on his chin, black hair instead of Sakurai’s bleached brown. I hung back awkwardly at the sight of the reunion; I was beginning to wish I’d just let Sakurai come on his own.

“I missed you,” Sakurai said hoarsely, sounding suspiciously like he might be getting a bit teary, and I took half a step back, pretending to be very interested in the old poster clinging tenaciously to the brick wall as his brother laughed.

“Missed you too, shrimp,” I heard him say. “I think you got shorter,” he added jokingly. I couldn’t really help seeing Sakurai slap the hand away that was mockingly measuring his height. At least, that’s what I told myself as I stared at him fondly, but Sakurai was turning towards me, catching my eye and waving me over.

“Hey, I want you to meet Ishida, a friend from school. He’s been helping me out,” Sakurai explained as I reluctantly stepped up, grasping the hand extended for a handshake.

“I hope he’s not too much trouble,” Ryou said wryly as he shook my hand.

“Are you kidding? He’s a major pain,” I complained, but Sakurai had thrown an arm around my shoulders, clamping me to his side.

“Don’t lie; you know you love me,” he said teasingly, managing to mess up my hair before I could catch his wrist to pull it away. Despite our joking attitudes I felt uncomfortable under the piercing gaze of his older brother. I didn’t like the way his eyes were flicking between us.

“Ishida-kun, was it?” Ryou asked with a grin that was eerily similar to Sakurai’s. He’d pulled a wallet from his back pocket and was slipping me a few notes. “Think you can do me a favour? I’d kill for a canned coffee.” _He must want to catch up without an audience_ , I thought, nodding as I accepted the cash. “And get yourself something,” he added before shooting an amused look at Sakurai. “Maybe something for the shrimp, too.” I backed away nodding, finding my voice enough to say “sure” as Sakurai launched into a lecture. I heard him complaining “ _it’s not that I’m short – you’re just abnormally tall”_ but I was already turning away, jogging back up the street to where I remembered passing a vending machine.

It was further than I’d thought, and I’d almost given up when I finally spotted the glow of the machine, jogging the last few steps towards it. I fed the notes in, quickly selecting the first coffee I saw and two melon sodas before pocketing the change and collecting my purchases.

With the cold drinks gathered to my chest I started back the way I’d come, my footsteps echoing loudly in the empty street as I hurried back to them. I realised belatedly that the sound wasn’t just from me an echo of my own footsteps when I crashed into a shadow, nearly dropping everything in my surprise as I registered I’d walked straight into someone.

“Sorry!” I apologised automatically, ducking my head in a bow as I rearranged the drinks, now slippery with condensation in the warm night air, but they only grunted a reply, brushing me off as they continued silently down the darkened street. He must have come from the alley. I could just see the nose of a black car parked at the other end, the street beyond lit with bar signs and possibly other dubious trade in this slice of town we’d wandered into. The thought crossed my mind that he might be drunk. Although he hadn’t smelt like alcohol, more like cigarettes. Almost like he’d been stuck in a small, confined space smoking for a while. _Probably smoking in his car,_ I thought, wrinkling my nose at the thought of the dirty habit. He couldn’t have been out in this weather for long, he was wearing a suit jacket and I was sweltering already in only my t-shirt _._ I must nearly be back to them now – I felt like I could hear voices. I increased my pace, idly thinking that I’d better warn Sakurai not to open his soda before it’d had a chance to settle. The voices were louder now. That was definitely them because I could hear Sakurai now. But he didn’t sound happy anymore; he sounded panicked. He was shouting. The drinks were sliding out of my grip, hitting the ground behind me as I took off running, the dots suddenly connecting in a flash as I realised that Ryou had been the bait, and we’d just walked blindly into a trap.

 _I hate it when I’m right_ , I thought miserably, crouching as I peered around the corner at the two suits standing either side of Sakurai. They each had a hand firmly clamped on Sakurai’s upper arms and I wondered how I was going to free him without getting knocked out or breaking something.

“Ryou-ni?” He sounded lost – confused – but Ryou wasn’t moving to stop them, shrugging lightly as he took a step away, and I could feel an unholy rage unfurling in my chest as I listened to his brother justify himself.

“I had too, bro. They were gonna pull me out of school,” he explained, a contrite look on his face but I wasn’t buying it for a second. The way Sakurai’s shoulders sagged was stoking my rage, because how _dare_ he give up? Someone was talking and I dimly registered that they planned to take Sakurai back to Tokyo with them. I could feel panic bubbling just under the surface, almost like I was two people at once watching the same scene. I couldn’t give in to the panicking Shinji though. Not yet. I needed to get Sakurai away from them, and then there’d be plenty of time to fall apart later. What I needed was a _distraction_.  I wished now I hadn’t dropped the drinks – I could have used the coffee to throw at one of their heads. As long as I hit anyone but Sakurai I would have called it a win. I leaned forward, ears straining to pick up their low voices and I put my hand down for stability but I slipped, catching my balance against the wall before I could fall. I’d tried to balance on a fist-sized lump of broken brick and now I gripped it tightly, slowly rising to my feet as I hefted the rock a few times to test its weight as a plan took form. I aimed at the biggest guy, sending up a silent prayer that my three years playing baseball in middle school wouldn’t be in vain before hurling the brick as hard as I could.

It connected with his shoulder, the sickening thud making me immediately grateful I had chosen at the last minute not to aim for his head, because I was pretty sure that could have killed him. I was already racing forwards, grabbing Sakurai’s arm as I tugged him away from their loosened grip.

I caught a glimpse of Ryou’s face, ashen white and staring open-mouthed as the big guy crumpled to the ground. I’d only bought us a few seconds; the other guy was already recovering from the shock, turning to grab Ryou by the throat as he said something menacing. I was shouting for Sakurai to run, tugging on his arm but I could feel him resisting, his weight slowing me down as he pulled away from me.

“Ryou-ni!” I heard him gasp painfully, but there was no point in him feeling sorry for a brother that had been willing to sell him out.

“Fuck him,” I shouted. I still had a fist full of shirt and I yanked it hard, hearing the tear of fabric over the rush of blood in my ears. “Don’t you see? He set you up!” I didn’t think Sakurai could even hear me though. He’d launched himself at the second figure, fists flying and Ryou sagged to the ground as the man let him go. “Sakurai!” I shouted again, and I must have got through to him this time because he was finally turning away. I hoped someone had heard us and was calling the police, because as we fled the scene I could hear we were pursued, the sound of running feet bouncing off the high brick walls. I was painfully aware we were in unfamiliar territory; there was no way I was going to find us a convenient place to hide this time.

We’d reached the spot where I’d dropped the drinks. Instinctively I shouldered Sakurai to the side, no time to warm him about the obstacle as I leapt smoothly over the debris. If I remembered correctly, there was an alley up ahead that would take us back to the main road, or we could keep going down the backstreets. I honestly didn’t know which would be better, so when Sakurai put on a burst of speed to pass by the turn off I was content to follow him. From behind us came a surprised shout and then groan of pain, and I realised our pursuer had tripped on the drinks. _Good,_ I thought evilly _, I hope it fucking hurt, too_.   

We didn’t slow down as Sakurai led us through the windings alleys. It wasn’t until I felt my lungs were bursting, like I couldn’t possibly run any more that he finally stopped. I jogged to a stop a few paces away, leaning back against the wall as I tried to suck air into my burning lungs. Sakurai was bent over, hands on his knees as he caught his breath, and I slid down the wall as my legs weakened beneath me.

“No—“ he said, cutting himself off as his voice choked, “Gotta— keep moving,” he finished with effort.

“Our hotel safe?” I asked, opting for the least amount of words possible and hoping my full meaning was still conveyed. He was nodding, taking another shuddering breath before replying,

“Think so. Didn’t tell—” he said breathlessly, and the unsaid “ _Ryou-ni_ ” caused his face to twist in pain. I looked away, pretending to check my shoes as I stood up again.

“C’mon, better hurry,” I said quickly, and he nodded his agreement as we started walking quickly again.

## #

We’d run further than I’d thought, because before long we were back on our street, the façade of the tiny ryokan we were staying at soon coming into view. We crept around the back, vaulting up the small jump to our balcony and moving into the shadows as we leaned against the wall. I could see Sakurai’s sleeve was ripped at the shoulder seam. The light from the streetlamp caught the flash of skin showing through the tear in the dark fabric. Now that we were back I felt weak with relief, sagging against the wall until I slid down to sit on the wood of the veranda. It seemed surreal to think that just inside half a dozen of our classmates were sleeping, blissfully unware of the horror we had just lived through. I knew we should go inside, but the haze protecting me from the panic had faded and now my hands were shaking uncontrollably.

“Ishida,” Sakurai whispered, and I stared down at my hands as he knelt next to me. “ _Shinji_ ,” he called this time, and I watched as two hands covered mine, squeezing them reassuringly until I looked at him. “Breathe,” he commanded softly, and as soon as he said it I realised I was holding my breath. I felt tears stinging in my eyes and amongst the swirl of thoughts and emotions running through my mind in an endless parade was how ridiculous it was that _Sakurai_ was comforting _me_. I sniffed loudly, wincing at the noise in the otherwise silent night air. His arms had wrapped around me before I’d registered that’s what he was doing. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t want to drag you into this,” he choked out, and I could feel the hot splash of tears on my shoulder as I curled my arms around him and hugged him back.

There didn’t seem to be anything else to say so we just stayed like that. I was starting to calm down now: my brain trying to piece together everything I’d seen tonight. I wasn’t liking the conclusion I’d come up with though, because with a sinking feeling I was realising that these guys were probably yakuza, and I’d just thrown a fucking brick at one of them.

“Sakurai.” My heart was in my throat as I spoke quietly, voice low enough that it wouldn’t carry far. “Why are yakuza after you?” He wasn’t denying it, but the tightening of his grip was answer enough as I tried to think rationally. “What did you do?” I asked, thinking that maybe we could fix this, but he was shaking his head.

“I didn’t do _anything_ ,” he said in a choked whisper, and I darted a look over his shoulder as he buried his face against my neck. His voice had almost cracked and I realised that this wasn’t the time or place to be having this conversation. If we weren’t careful we were going to wake someone up.

“Ok,” I agreed softly, “That’s fine. Hey,” I pulled back, running my hands down his arms in what I hoped was a comforting gesture. “Tomorrow,” I suggested in a whisper, swallowing as I realised how close we were sitting. “Talk more tomorrow.” My eyes flicked down to his lips in time to see a flash of tongue as he moistened them, and I was vividly reminded that it had only been earlier today that I’d nearly felt those lips against mine.

“Tomorrow,” he agreed, his voice a breathy whisper, and he stood up and offered a hand to pull me to my feet. We tiptoed back to the balcony door, slowly easing it just open enough to slip inside. I latched it behind us, turning around just in time to see Sakurai fold up his futon. I watched silently as he carried the bundle over to where my empty futon lay, unfolding it next to mine before starting to get changed.

I took his cue, quickly stripping off my own jeans as I kept my eyes down, concentrating on folding them as I heard him undo his belt. By the time I was crawling under the covers Sakurai had just tucked his clothes back into his bag, and I watched as he pulled back the cover on his own futon. I had pulled my pillow to the edge, head down as I watched him mimic me. It felt foolish to suggest to it out loud, so instead I just reached out, silently offering my hand which Sakurai seized gratefully.  

“G’night, Shinji,” he said softly, eyes drifting closed as his face relaxed. It was hard to believe that he had this burden on him. How could he just turn it off and sleep like that? They weren’t even after me and I felt like I was never going to be able to relax again. But I was going to try, because my pillow was soft under my cheek, my quilt heavy and comforting. I started to pull my hand back, but Sakurai’s fingers clamped down tighter, dragging me back until our joined hands rested between us again.

“Night, Sakurai,” I whispered back. “Sweet dreams.”

## #

I woke to the sound of activity: doors sliding noisily and bare feet on tatami, zippers on bags, toilets flushing. For a moment I just lay under the haze of the dreams I’d been having, trying to recall the details before they faded away completely. I thought Sakurai might have been in them. Suddenly I felt jolted back to reality, wide awake in seconds as memories of last night crashed over me. Sakura’s futon was already folded up, his pillow resting neatly on top of the pile. I looked down at my hand still lying on the tatami as if I’d been holding Sakurai’s hand all night. Embarrassed, I pulled my hand back under the covers, mentally cursing Sakurai for not covering my hand when he’d got up before me.

“You’re finally awake!” I heard Nakatsu announce loudly, and I stared at him blankly for a moment.  

“Didn’t realise you were waiting for me,” I grumbled, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

Nakatsu laughed, slapping me on the back good-naturedly. “Sakurai’s always saying you’re a riot,” he said, and I turned to glare at his folded-up futon. “Had a late night?” he asked with a conspiratorial wink. “What time did you guys come to bed?” I froze for a second, trying to construct a believable lie, but before I could open my mouth I heard Sakurai answer him.

“Dunno. Sometime after midnight,” he said, and I turned to see him walking back over.

“Cool. So I had the craziest dream …” Nakatsu started to explain and I tuned out the chatter, eyes focused on Sakurai as he grinned and laughed at whatever inane thing Nakatsu was telling him. I could feel the dumb smile on my face, but I couldn’t help it because his smile was radiant. “...whatdya reckon, Ishida? Ishida?” With a start I shook myself back to reality, because it wasn’t just Sakurai looking at me now, and I looked between the two of them and tried to recall what I was sure my ears had heard, even if it didn’t seem to have reached my brain yet.

“What?” I asked, giving up as Sakurai shook his head at me, his grin softened to something warmer as he replied almost shyly,

“Nothin’.”

“Pay up, Arai! I’ve won already!” Nakatsu called out, already halfway across the room to where Arai was looking up from his folded-up futon with a shifty smile, and I raised a questioning eyebrow at Sakurai.

“He made a bet he’d get you to laugh at one of his lame ass jokes today,” Sakurai explained with a shrug, and I rolled my eyes at the both of them. We were heading back to Tokyo this morning, and as we walked down to the bus that would take us back to the train station I reflected that I was so grateful for the return of what felt like normalcy now, as Sakurai happily took the seat next to me.

While we waited at the station, I wandered up the platform to look at the shops until I turned and noticed Tanaka and Arai, crouching down next to where Sakurai was sitting on his bag, back against the wall as they all bent their heads together and whispered furiously.

“I knew he was lying!” I heard Arai say, and then he stood up and looked around, throwing me a friendly wave when he caught my eye before getting distracted by someone over my shoulder. “ _There_ you are, Hideki Nakatsu, you thieving _bastard_!” he called out, more amused than angry, and he flew past to catch Nakatsu in a headlock.

“Are they still arguing about that bet?” I asked as I reached the other two, and Tanaka looked up at me in surprise.

“You know about that?” he asked, and Sakurai accidentally elbowed him in the ribs as he hastily pulled his phone from his pocket.

“Yeah, Nakatsu thinks he’s funny, doesn’t he?” I told him disinterestedly, dropping my bag to sit on it as Sakurai tapped at the screen.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure he thinks he’s the next big thing,” Sakurai quickly added, and now Tanaka was reaching for his phone. Could we not go five minutes without checking social media?

“I- ok,” Tanaka said hesitantly, still looking down at his phone screen. “I’m gonna—“ he looked around, eyes widening as they settled on something in the distance. “Run to the bathroom. Back in a sec,” he finished brightly, and I waved him away as he dashed off, turning to look at Sakurai who offered me a smile and a shrug.

“When you gotta go, you gotta go,” he said, and I chuckled at him before a thought occurred to me.

“Hey, you made me laugh! Does that mean you’ve won the bet?” I asked suddenly, and Sakurai stilled, face going carefully blank as he studied me.

“I’m … not in on the bet,” he said evasively, but just then the train pulled in and in the noise and confusion of Umeda counting us and herding us into the car I forgot about it.  

## #

We’d settled into our seats quickly. Less by accident this time than by design Sakurai and I were seatmates again, because Umeda had once again enlisted my help and I’d made sure we were sharing a row. I’d waited until we were underway, noting that most of the class seated were absorbed in their own conversations before I leant closer to Sakurai in the window seat.

“So…” I started, cupping my hand as I leaned further over to whisper quietly. “Can we talk about last night?” He shook his head, a finger to his lips as he darted a look around.

“Not here,” he whispered, and with a nod of his head he indicated we should go. I slipped out of my seat, heading for the doors at the back of the car as Sakurai followed after me. When the doors closed behind us it cut us off from the chatter of our school mates, leaving us with just the whine of the magnetic tracks and the whir of the air-conditioning. Sakurai had moved closer to the exit and I watched as he leaned against the glass to watch the world speeding by.

“What happened back there?” I asked, leaning back against the wall. “Who are those guys and why do they keep chasing you?”

“You were right last night,” he said. “They’re yakuza – Inagawa-kai,” Sakurai explained, and I watched his shoulders rise and fall with a heavy sigh before he added, “I belong to them.”

“You don’t _belong_ to them,” I said tightly, my anger already rising. “They can’t own a human being.”

He shrugged, still looking resolutely out the window. “They might as well; I don’t have anything else.” I wanted to shake him and ask _how?_ but he was already offering an explanation.

“I guess it’s Ryou-ni’s fault,” he said hesitantly, almost as if he still couldn’t really bring himself to blame him, even after everything that had happened last night. “We were in trouble and they were offering an out. But we would’ve been on the streets if they hadn’t taken us in,” he finished sadly.

“Sakurai,” I reached out to grab his shoulder, letting go once I realised I’d done it. “Can’t I help? Maybe my dad can do something,” I offered, and he finally looked at me, but with eyes wide with horror.

“No!” he said loudly, darting a look towards the doors separating us from the rest of the passengers before continuing in a lower tone. “You’re already too involved. There’s nothing the police can do about it anyway.”

“What about your parents?” I asked, and even though I’d been expecting something similar I still winced as he explained,

“Gone. Ma died a few years back.” He looked down, refusing to meet my gaze as he admitted softly, “I never knew my dad.”

I’d never felt so helpless or so angry before; I wanted to fix this. If Sakurai was in trouble wasn’t it up to the people who loved him to take care of him? How could his brother turn him over to them so easily? And what about Keisuke, his supposed boyfriend?

“What about Keisuke?” I voiced my thoughts, and Sakurai flinched at the mention of his name. “He seems like a tough guy,” I said, while thinking that was probably the understatement of the century. “Can’t he help?” but Sakurai was shaking his head.

“No, he’s not a tough guy?” I asked, pulling an almost smile to Sakurai’s face for a second; I could see it reflected in the glass. “Or no, he can’t help?”

“No, he _won’t_ help. He’s one of them.” Sakurai’s reply was humourless, despite the twisted smile now on his lips.

“Fuck,” I whispered softly, and Sakurai’s silent nod concurred. If Keisuke was one of them, then did that mean… “Is Keisuke really your boyfriend?” I asked in a quiet voice, and Sakurai nodded once, eyes still glued to the rushing scenery.

“He’s the boss’s son. He used to be nicer,” he said, and when he turned and caught my look of disbelief he added, “Don’t look so scandalized; he’s the reason I left. Huh,” he offered me a weak smile. “I guess that means he’s my ex now.” I stayed silent, not sure if I interrupted if he’d stop talking again. “It wasn’t always this fucked up, you know,” he said softly, leaning back against the window.

“So what happened?” I prompted.

“Power went to his head I guess. Or freedom or _something_.” I waited for him to explain further. “His older brother calls the shots usually. Hashimoto-san,” he said, and just a trace of the idol-worshipping stars that had previously been reserved for _Ryou-ni_ were back as he continued. “I’d only met him a few times but he’s a good dude.” I stared at him incredulously.

“He’s a yakuza boss,” I stated disbelievingly, and Sakurai shrugged weakly.

“Yes? Look, I don’t expect you to understand but trust me, Hashimoto-san is not a problem,” Sakurai insisted. “He’s fair. He’s _reasonable_ ,” he said, stressing the word in a way that seemed that his brother might be all the things Keisuke wasn’t.

“Sounds like you dated the wrong brother,” I quipped, darting a quick look at him to see if I’d lightened the mood like I’d hoped or just put my foot in it, but fortunately Sakurai was smiling.

“He’s also like, thirty or something,” Sakurai said, nose wrinkling as he screwed up his face at the thought. “So I’ll pass on the dating, if it’s all the same to you.”

“So if he’s such a good dude, why can’t he help you now?” I asked, deliberately choosing not to respond to his jab.

“He’s outta town,” Sakurai said with a sigh. “Maybe even the country, I dunno.”

“Can’t you just call him? Tell him his brother’s being a dick?” I asked.

“Are you kidding me?” he asked, eyebrows shooting up. “How many yakuza boss numbers do _you_ know?” he shot back.

“But you were dating his brother!” I said defensively.  

“Exactly. I have _Keisuke’s_ number. And he’s not exactly likely to give me Hashimoto-san’s, is he? I mean,” he continued, “It’s not like I can just call him up and say, ‘Oh, hi Kei – sorry I bolted but you’re really freaking me out these days – d’you think you can put me in touch with your boss?”

“Sarcasm,” I said in a flat tone, frowning at him.  

“Sorry,” he said with a wince. “It’s just – I’ve thought of all this already and that’s why I just ran. Found a new place, changed schools, got a new job,” he explained. “I don’t want to be a part of it anymore but I can’t get away. They’re everywhere.”

 _They are when your asshole brother tells them where you’ll be_ , I thought angrily, but I held it in check.

“Stay at my place tonight; it’s too dangerous to go back to your apartment now,” I said instead, and to my surprise Sakurai agreed without putting up a fight. He looked a bit defeated actually, almost like telling me everything had taken a lot out of him. He was stifling a yawn now and I wondered if maybe I’d been wrong before, and that he _couldn’t_ just switch it off and sleep. It made me even angrier to think that even when he should feel safe he was still worrying about everything. “Come on then,” I said, tugging on his shirt sleeve until he looked back at me. “You can catch up on sleep – I’ll wake you when we get there.”

## #

I still felt like I didn’t know the whole story, but Sakurai had looked so tired I didn’t want to keep questioning him. This was taking a toll on him and it made me furious just thinking about it. _He mustn’t have gotten any sleep last night_, I thought as I watched him nod off in his seat. He was out within minutes, not even stirring when Nakatsu stopped by, leaning heavily on the seat in front of me to chat.

“Looks like the late night caught up to him,” he commented with a nod towards Sakurai’s head dropping dangerously close to my shoulder, and I nodded my agreement. “I think he might have had a nightmare; I woke up around four and he was just coming in from the veranda.” I stiffened in my seat, wondering if Nakatsu had heard or seen anything he shouldn’t have. “I’m glad you’re getting along with him,” he told me, and I looked up at him in surprise. “Although I guess if anyone could crack that wall you hide behind it would be Sakurai.” He gave him a fond smile while I opened and closed my mouth like a goldfish. “Seriously, how long have we known each other?” he asked, and I finally found my voice to answer him.

“Middle school, first year?” I offered, and he nodded.

“Right. I remember the first day of school. You were this cool looking kid reading at the back of the classroom. I asked you if you wanted to be friends.” I felt embarrassment colour my cheeks, because I remembered that day too, but Nakatsu chuckled as he continued to relate the shared memory. “You told me I was loud and it was annoying.”

“I was a pretty blunt kid,” I told him ruefully.

“Let’s be real; you’re still pretty blunt,” he said laughingly, and I felt an apology on the tip of my tongue before he continued, “But that’s what I like about you. You’re straightforward. I always hoped we could be friends.”

“Really?” I asked in disbelief, but he looked dead serious.

“Yeah man! Why else do you think I’m always trying to include you in stuff?” I thought back over all the times Nakatsu had caught my eye in the classroom and dragged me into the conversation, and the way he’d often ask me what I was doing after school. I realised it was even Nakatsu who’d nominated me for class rep, although I couldn’t be grateful for that. Although I guess because of being class rep I’d had more involvement with other people than before, even if it was only collecting school work or handing out forms.

“Thanks, Nakatsu.” His face lit up in a brilliant smile and I found myself confessing, “I think I’ve always been a bit jealous of you. It’s so easy for you to get along with people.” I’d clearly embarrassed him, but he looked pleased nonetheless.

“Just one of my many useless talents!” he said before adding, “So you gonna hang out with us now?” and I couldn’t help grinning as I replied,

“I’ll think about it.”


	7. Step 7: realise you’re in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slayer43, you're my hero. Thank you SO MUCH for all the supportive comments because this story was a huge step out of my comfort zone and I had no idea while I was writing it if I was doing it right (^o^) I hope you enjoy the final chapter!

By the time we were pulling in to Tokyo, Sakurai’s head had been resting on my shoulder for nearly forty minutes and I’d never before been so annoyed to be getting off a train. The motion of the cars slowing down woke him and he yawned, hand covering his mouth as he stretched the kinks out of his back and neck before looking over at me sheepishly.

“Thanks for being my pillow,” he said, looking almost bashful. “Did you get any sleep?”

“Nah,” I told him. “But I wasn’t tired.” My little white lie was undermined by the way I’d caught his yawn, and he grinned at me as he dragged a hand through his sleep-tousled hair.

“Guys, we’re going to the arcade,” Nakatsu said, already pinning us to his sides as he threw an arm around both our shoulders. Arai had quickly caught up, passing us as our steps slowed with the effort of walking in step with too many feet.

“Battle royale style, loser buys lunch, you in?” Arai asked with a wink, and Sakurai turned to me, mouth parted as he hesitated to answer. 

“Soul Blade or Tekkan?” I asked, and the brilliant grin that lit up Sakurai’s face was mirrored on mine.

It was a three-to-two vote for Soul Blade, and I was pleased to note that my arcade button mashing skills weren’t as rusty as I’d feared they might be. I made it to the last round, facing off against Tanaka who somehow managed to turn it around and beat me in the end. But the real loser had been Arai. Ironically the strongest of us all and perfectly capable of handing each of us our asses in real life, he’d lost spectacularly to Nakatsu in the first round and it was with great humility that he accepted his fate. We relocated to McDonalds, everyone took great glee in giving their orders to Arai and we spent an hour getting glared at by other patrons as we stole each other’s fries, kicked each other under the table and were just generally loud and annoying.

It was probably the most fun I’d ever had, and I’d never been happier.

Eventually we parted ways, heading in different directions to find the platforms that would take us home, and before long I found myself alone with Sakurai again.

“Is _not_ ,” he insisted, our argument still carrying over from before we’d waved goodbye to the others.

“Is _too_ ,” I shot back playfully, less invested in winning than in listening to him argue so passionately.

“Look, Tekken has a rich heritage, a _history_. It’s a classic,” he insisted, and I shook my head to counter his argument.

“And Soul Blade doesn’t? It was born in the arcade, if anything has _history_ …” I trailed off; a look over my shoulder had confirmed that he was ready with a response.

“It’s _derivative_ ,” he said assuredly as he reached out to grab my shoulder, shaking me to punctuate his point. “A mere copy. A facsimile. It’s just _like_ —“I stopped walking and he cut off abruptly as he bumped into me, taking a step back as I turned around.

“It’s just like…?” I prompted, but he was staring, lips still parted around the last syllable before he snapped them shut.

“You’re winding me up,” he realised, and I felt my grin twitch wider.

“Took you long enough to notice,” I called out as he swept past me, fake pouting and nose in the air.

“Betrayed by my best friend!” he declared dramatically, and I grinned when I realised I’d been wrong earlier.

Because this was definitely the happiest I’d ever been. 

There was no objection to Sakurai sleeping over again. Of course there wasn’t; my mother adored Sakurai. We’d turned up, bags in hand, and she’d stuck around long enough to ask how Sakurai felt about beef bowls for dinner before disappearing to the supermarket, Rui thankfully in tow.

“I think ma likes you more than I do,” I commented idly, stealing Rui’s switch so we could play Mario Kart and laughing when Sakurai tripped over his own feet.

The klutz then proceeded to kick my ass on almost every race.

The evening was a pleasant pattern of gaming-dinner-bath-more games-bed and by the time I was curling up under the covers, I was pretty sure I was about to have the best night’s sleep ever. I’d even remembered to lock the door this time.

Sakurai was invisible in the dark but I could just hear his soft breaths over the whir of the air-conditioning, and I felt heart-thumpingly happy. Warm, fluffy bunny happy. Stupid, grinning-like-a-fool in the dark happy.  

## #

And I couldn’t sleep.

Today had been a big day, for dramatic reveals and personal growth alike. It’d been a lot to take in, but it wasn’t the threat of the Inagawa-kai or even my newly forged circle of friends that was keeping me awake.

Sakurai had said “ _ex_ ”. Right after “ _he’s the reason I left_ ”.

Even since that day when we’d shared cake and laughs and smiles I’d felt something for Sakurai, an unfamiliar feeling that I had refused to examine too closely. Sakurai had told me later that Keisuke was his boyfriend, and the knowledge had sent me reeling because on the one hand, it seemed impossible that Sakurai might be like me. It was too good to be true. But then again, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows because Keisuke was _his boyfriend_.  Sakurai wasn’t going to be interested in _me_ ; he was in love with Keisuke. Or so I’d thought.

It seemed unreal that Sakurai might not want to be with Keisuke after all. I didn’t dare entertain the hope that he might return the feelings I was only just starting to acknowledge I felt, but maybe one day…

“Shin-chan?” I jumped like I’d been caught doing something wrong, rolling over to look down at where Sakurai was looking up at me from the futon laid out on my floor. “I can’t sleep.”

“Me either,” I confessed, and my eyes had adjusted enough to the dark to see the way his lips turned up in a small smile.

“Thanks for letting me stay again,” he said softly. “I don’t think I’d get any sleep at home.” I wanted to tell him he could stay here forever but I knew that was unrealistic. There was no way my parents would just let him move into my room, not without knowing about everything, and I knew Sakurai would rather face Keisuke’s goons again than tell them. Instead I settled for joking, because humour was turning out to be my coping mechanism as I hid my fragility behind a smiling mask.

“I wouldn’t be too grateful; you’re not getting any sleep here either,” I pointed out coolly. He chuckled at that; my heart soared.

“I wish you could sleep holding my hand again,” he said wistfully, and I tried to ignore the little voice in my ear making dangerous suggestions. “I slept great last night.”

“No, you didn’t,” I pointed out, remembering what Nakatsu had said on the train. “You were up at four; didn’t you have a nightmare?”

“Because you let go,” he said softly, and I was speechless for a moment.

“Do you want to sleep with me?” I asked, and I heard him chuckle in reply before I quickly clarified. “I just meant in the bed!” I whispered furiously, but there was already an answering rustle of sheets which seemed abnormally loud in the silence of the room. I’d shuffled over to the wall, holding the blankets up for Sakurai to slide in next to me. I didn’t know what to do because he was so close, his head settling on my pillow just inches away from me as I watched his eyes drift closed.

“Sakurai?”

“Hmm?” he sounded sleepy now, more relaxed already and I was ready to curse him because I’d never felt more alert and awake.

“I thought you wanted me to hold your hand,” I pointed out, and a second later I felt the brush of fingertips on my arm, trailing lightly down to find my hand before he laced our fingers together.

“Better?” he asked, just a trace of a cheeky smile on his face as I caught the flash of his eyes below lowered lashes. I gave his hand a gentle squeeze, because I knew what I wanted to do but I didn’t know if he wanted it too.

“Almost. Just one more thing,” I said softly, and his eyes had opened again to watch me curiously as I shifted closer. He wasn’t pulling away. His eyes had even drifted closed again as brushed my lips tentatively over his. I had no idea what I was doing but he was responding to me; I felt his lips move against mine as he kissed me back.

“Was that your first kiss?” a mischievous voice asked and I felt my face heat with embarrassment.

“No,” I said defensively. “Kaori kissed me last summer.” I wasn’t about to admit that it had been an accident; we’d been paired for a ghost hunt in the old school building and when the wind had howled through a broken window she’d jumped on me just as I’d turned around to leave her to her fate.

I was also pretty sure she hadn’t counted it as a kiss, but Sakurai didn’t need to know that.

“Hmm,” he hummed noncommittally again. “I wonder if she mentioned that to her brother. Kaoru told me he had the biggest crush on you back in middle school.”

“Whatever,” I said dismissively. There was no way that was true, but Sakurai just laughed, eyes twinkling mischievously as he shifted closer.

“I’ll bet you didn’t even notice,” he said with an impish grin. “And you have the stones to call _me_ a dumbass.” I shook my head, eyes wide as I stared at his closing as he added, “By the way, remind me to text Nakatsu tomorrow.” He opened one eye again as I prodded him in the shoulder.

“What are you talking about now?” I asked in exasperation, and he squeezed his eyes shut again, just the faintest trace of a blush in his cheeks as he explained that Nakatsu had been dead certain kissing was going to happen at some point today, and Arai had been so sure it wouldn’t happen that he’d bet a thousand yen on it.

“So I guess he won the bet after all,” he finished, eyes watching me carefully now for a reaction.  It was ridiculous, and very Nakatsu. I couldn’t help laughing, and even though it pained me to prove Nakatsu right, I kissed him again.

## #

It’s all very well to go to sleep next to someone, because while you’re still awake you can move, rearrange yourself so that nothing’s touching where it shouldn’t and things are all very above-board and proper, even if you did just happen to have your first (real) kiss and maybe the person you’re sharing a bed with might be your boyfriend now.

Waking up next to someone is a whole different ball game.

The first thing I was aware of was just how _close_ we were, because as I’d slept one of my treacherous legs had somehow become trapped between Sakurai’s thighs, and I was grateful for the small miracle that we didn’t seem to be touching any higher up, because that was a conversation I was nowhere near prepared to tackle. At least, not first thing this morning.

“Hey,” a sleep-raspy voice said, and I took the distraction.

“Morning,” I replied, relief flooding me as I was able to shift away once Sakurai began to stretch, noticed my leg well and truly in his personal space and moved to release me.

“Thanks for sharing.” Instead of being embarrassed like I felt, Sakurai looked pleased as he tucked the pillow more firmly under his head. “I slept great.”       

“Glad I could help,” I told him, shooting for “nonchalant cool dude” but hitting “socially awkward dork” like I always did. But unlike always, my audience seemed to appreciate it.

“Come on,” he said, climbing out of bed to stretch more effectively. “I’m starving; let’s find food.”

Our search turned up a warm kitchen full of the scents of sizzling bacon and warm buttered toast, and we spent a slow half hour answering questions about the trip, spilling crumbs all over the table and moaning about the abysmal lack of melon soda in the fridge. Or at least, I did all those things while Sakurai produced the green tea mochi he’d bought in Kyoto for my mother, a keychain for Rui, and politely drank the apple juice he’d been offered even though he probably hated it as much as I did. 

Best friend and possible boyfriend aside, this guy was seriously undermining everything I did to keep expectations low around here.

Despite how much the usually present members of my family appeared to want to keep him, Sakurai had his own home to go to, so after lazy morning of button-mashing on the PS (Soul Blade, just to annoy him) I watched as Sakurai packed his things up and I told him I’d see him home.

“I’ve gotta work today but you can hang out until then,” he offered, and in response I called back up the stairs that I was going over to Sakurai’s for a while.

## #

“You’re making this up,” I said disbelievingly. He was winding me up. There’s no way Sakurai’s boss was a crazy lady named of all things _Ruby_ who did even half the things Sakurai had just described.

“Nope; she’s that extra,” he insisted. “Everything about her is OTT. She even calls her car “baby Ruby”,” he said, a dumb smile on his face.

“See? I knew you were lying,” I said through tears of laughter. “No way that’s true.”

Everything had been going so well that I’d practically forgotten about all the bad stuff from yesterday. We didn’t even realise anything was wrong until we got to the front door, we were so distracted. On the walk from the station Sakurai had casually dropped that he’d only been working at Maid Town for about two months now and that had led to the most amazing anecdotes. I hadn’t been able to stop laughing as Sakurai told me all about his first embarrassing day at work, complete with re-enactments of the advice he’d been given which included what Sakurai had dubbed _“Ruby-chan’s guide to seduction”._ There was a lot of eyelash-batting and coy smiles involved, and it had been incredibly distracting, but now as we drew level with the door my smile faded because it was slightly ajar, and I couldn’t imagine a universe in which that was a good sign.

I nudged Sakurai, indicating the door with a tilt of my head and his face grew grim. Now that I was looking I could see a gap in the newspaper, the dark interior not yet visible and Sakurai reached out to slowly pull the door open. We breathed twin sighs of relief that the apartment seemed to be vacant now, but someone had clearly trashed the place.

“ _Keisuke_ ,” Sakurai muttered darkly, stepping out of his shoes to assess the damage. His futon and pillow were slashed open, the stuffing strewn about like snowfall. I revolved on the spot, taking in the table lying brokenly on the floor, one corner dusted with white. Judging by the chipped plaster on the wall it seemed like someone might have chucked the table at it. Even the cute robot photo had been ripped from the window, the page torn roughly in half and discarded on the kitchen floor. The childishness combined with the sheer violence was unsettling. I was just grateful Sakurai hadn’t been here when it happened. I looked back at the broken table leg, a sick feeling washing over me as the thought occurred to me that it could have just as easily been Sakurai’s neck.

“You can’t stay here,” I said as Sakurai returned from the kitchen with a plastic bag. He didn’t reply as he started to clean up the mess, and I tried again. “Sakurai,” I said warningly, moving to help and stuffing a wad of the white fibres in the rubbish bag. “It’s too dangerous.” I gestured to the broken table as I blurted out, “That could be you next time,” and my voice cracked, but Sakurai was seemingly uncaring of the risk.

“I’m not running from him anymore,” he said defiantly. “He’s not gonna chase me out of my own home.”

“Sakurai,” I said in exasperation, but he was on a roll.

“No, I’ve had enough,” he’d picked up all the loose stuffing and now he was eyeing the ruined futon. “I’m sick of being a coward.” He kicked at the torn futon and more stuffing spilt onto the tatami.

“Ok; be a brave, dead idiot then,” I announced, throwing my hands up in defeat as he rolled his eyes.

“You’re being dramatic,” he said, tying up the bag and tossing it aside as he looked between the futon and the table.

“And you’re not?” I shot back, arms folded defensively as he picked up the broken table leg.

“I’m being realistic; I can’t live like this,” he said, and I understood, I really did, but,

“I _know_ that, but declaring war on the third largest freaking yakuza family doesn’t sound very realistic!”

“Well whaddya want me to do, Ishida?” he snapped, rounding on me angrily. _I want you to be safe,_ I thought desperately, but the words coming out of my mouth weren’t quite as nicely phrased.

“I want you to not be stupid, but I guess that’s impossible, isn’t it?” I shouted back, and for a moment we just stared at each other.

“Just forget it,” Sakurai said in a defeated voice, and before I could burst into frustrated tears I left.

## #

I’d been in a shitty mood all afternoon, the result of arguing with Sakurai. I didn’t know why I even liked him so much; he was selfish and stupid and he was going to get himself killed. Although maybe that wasn’t strictly true. While I’d been sulking I’d come to the conclusion that Sakurai wasn’t selfish, he was just strong willed. And he wasn’t stupid, just braver than me. I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was going to put himself in danger though, and I had no idea how to talk him out of it because I was pretty sure he’d never listened to me before, and after our shouting match earlier I doubted he was going to start now.

My phone rang, startling me from my melancholy thoughts and I grabbed for it, Sakurai’s name lighting up as I quickly picked up the call.

_“Hey.”_

“Hey,” I said quietly, glancing over at where my mother and Rui were watching a drama on TV but Rui had noticed me as I climbed to my feet and I ignored her _“Is that Saku-nichan? Can I say hi?”_ as I fled to my room. I wanted to apologise for earlier but instead I heard myself asking, “I thought you had work tonight?” as I gave Rui a push backwards, shutting the door firmly in her disappointed face.

 _“I do,”_ he said, and the note of uncertainty in his voice was bothering me. _“I’m just heading there now.”_ I could hear the sounds of the station and I realised he must have phoned me as soon as he got off the train.

“What’s wrong?” I asked immediately, heart sinking when he tried to make light of it.

“ _Nothing. I think. Just a funny feeling_.” There was a scratching sound before he came back on the line again. _“I think someone’s following me.”_

“Don’t go to work,” I said immediately, but he cut me off straight away.

“ _Have to. Can you just stay on the phone with me?”_

“Of course,” I said earnestly, fear already gripping me as I tried to think how to help from the other side of town. “Where are you now?”

 _“About halfway there, just passed the arcade,”_ came the reply. He must be almost jogging if he’d got that far already.

“Keep going,” I urged, wishing there was something more tangible I could do.

 _“I am,”_ he sounded almost out of breath now. He must have been flat out running. A chilling thought occurred to me and I gripped my phone tighter. They already knew about the apartment, but if they found out where he worked, too…  

“Don’t use the staff entrance,” I said suddenly, and I heard a gasped breath that made my heart leap into my throat.

 _“Too late,”_ I could hear the clang of metal as his feet pounded up the stairs. _“I’m here now.”_ I heard the click of a lock and then the heavy door close behind him. _“I made it_ ,” he said breathlessly, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

“Good,” I said, falling backwards onto my bed as I pressed a hand over my thumping heart. “Stay safe.”

 _“I will,”_ he replied, having caught his breath by now. He sounded more cheerful already, almost like he hadn’t just been running terrified from an unknown aggressor less than a minute ago. _“Thanks, Shin-chan.”_

“You can thank me by getting home safely,” I told him bluntly and he laughed, the sound bringing a smile to my lips.

 _“Yes, Shinji,”_ he sang sweetly, and then he hung up on me.

## #

I couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right. While he might have walked blindly into the trap set by Ryou, Sakurai’s intuition wasn’t normally wrong. It bothered me that he’d thought someone was following him, because I was all too aware that Keisuke knew where Sakurai’s apartment was. I tried to put it out of my mind all evening but as the hours ticked by I just ended up more restless than before. In the end it was Rui who made my mind up for me. “Is Saku-nichan ok?” she asked, and while I’d lied and said “of course! Why wouldn’t he be?” I felt the heavy weight of guilt settle in my chest as she smiled at me obliviously and went to bed. I’d wondered if I asked if Ma would let me go to Akihabara to pick him up, but I’d quickly determined that was not likely to work. I needed to sneak out, so at about nine thirty I’d complained I was tired and went to bed. I’d been sitting silently in the dark ever since, biding my time as I listened to my mother tidy up and head to bed herself. I glanced at my phone again, watching it click over to ten fifteen and feeling more apprehensive with every minute closer to eleven.  

I’d waited at least ten minutes after I heard my mother’s bedroom door close before carefully easing my own door open. I’d tucked my phone and my wallet into the deep pockets of a dark hoodie and now I carefully slid my keys into my jeans pocket, wincing at every soft clink and jangle they made. I tiptoed down the stairs, my socked feet sliding on the slippery wooded steps and it wasn’t until I was pulling on my shoes that I let myself breathe again. It was only a short walk to the station, and a twenty-minute train ride from there to Akiba. I could be there before eleven, I was sure of it.

“Hang on, Sakurai,” I whispered as I hurried down the dark path, slipping onto the street, hurried footsteps turning towards the station. “I’m on my way.”

I’d stopped checking my phone once I was on the train; I was going to make it before they closed. It wasn’t the time I was worried about now, but how Sakurai was going to react to me just randomly showing up at Maid Town. He’d probably be annoyed with me, but the idea of Sakurai leaving work alone, walking the dark streets this late at night had filled me with an anxiety that I knew I was pointless to try and ignore. Before long I was already standing before the door, and it opened inwards at my hesitant knock.

“Welcome back, Master!” I was greeted by a single maid, taller than me and with a cascade of deep red curls that looked so real it could’ve been her own hair. I peered around her shoulder, searching for Sakurai in the dimly lit room. Maid Town at night was completely different from when I’d visited during the day. Candles flickered in the centre of each table and the main lights had been dimmed, and at the far end of the room I could see a stage was lit up but currently empty.

“Where’s Sakurai?” I asked, ignoring the way the maid had stepped back to gesture me to follow her. She smiled, the only thing giving away her hesitance the way it wasn’t reaching her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Master,” she said pleasantly. “I don’t know anyone by that name.”

“Yes, you do,” I insisted in a low voice, because she’d shepherded me towards an empty table, pulling out a chair for me as I stared at her stoically. With a glance around I leaned closer to whisper “Jun Sakurai.” Her eyes widened just a little, and it occurred to me that Sakurai had probably warned his work that people might come looking for him. “He’s a friend of mine,” I added quickly. I’d dug my wallet out and held out my school id. “See? Same school,” I assured her, but her fake smile had already been replaced with something much more genuine.

“So _you’re_ the famous Shin-chan,” she said, leaning even closer as she tapped one long, manicured nail on my id card. “Why didn’t you just say so?” she laughed, and I couldn’t help wondering what Sakurai might have told these people about me. “Sit tight, hun,” she said kindly. “Sakura-chan’s nearly finished. I’ll get you something to drink.”

I tried to tell her it was fine but she was already weaving away through the tables. As she passed by a guest had called out to her and I watched as she turned towards them. While I was staring I accidentally caught the eye of a patron one table over and I sunk down in my seat, wishing I was invisible as the curtains parted and someone dressed as a magical girl burst through the curtains to loudly sing “it’s magic dance party time!” Everyone cheered and clapped as she skipped through the crowd, stopping at a few tables to flirt with the patrons. By the time she’d made it to the stage I could see the maid with the red curls returning with a tall glass of something colourful on a tray which she set on the table with a flourish.

“Thanks,” I said, adding hesitantly, “What’s ‘magic dance party time’?”

“Oh,” she giggled, and I shrank back in my seat again. “You’ll see.” I wasn’t sure I liked the sound of that. Before she could leave I quickly asked,

“Can you tell Sakuraai— I mean, Sakura-chan that I’m here?” The look she was giving me was disconcerting and when she pointed to the stage where two other magical girls were flanking the first and as my eyes fell on a familiar face I felt like I might be blushing.

“I will, hun; if he doesn’t see you first.”

My jaw dropped as a song started pumping over the PA and the magical girls started dancing along. The girl who’d come out first was singing and the lyrics were as ridiculous as the outfits but the choreography wasn’t bad, if a little cheesy. It was hard to think that it was Sakurai up there though. From this distance I was sure that if I hadn’t known him I’d never pick that under all that makeup and costuming he was a guy. It was clear he was the better dancer of the three of them. It could only be because the lead role required singing that he was being relegated to backup dancer.

 _I’m probably going to need therapy after this_ , I thought, clapping politely as the rest of the room exploded in thunderous applause at the end. Their leader was addressing the room again, and I saw her send out her “helpers” to visit each table with a special gift for their guests. _Please don’t see me, please don’t see me_ , I silently chanted to no avail; Sakura-chan had scooped up a basket and was heading my way, handing out little cellophane bags and doing some ridiculous waving of a wand over them while the guests beamed at him happily.

I wasn’t trying to make eye contact, but when he reached the table next to mine he turned to check the rest of his section, and for a moment we wordlessly stared at each other. He tore his eyes away first, handing the suited salary man at the table a bundle of cookies and telling him to hold it out to receive the ‘magic love blessing’.

 _“What are you doing here?_ ” he whispered frantically when he arrived at my table moments later, red-faced under his makeup and looking like he wanted to murder me.

“I was worried, about earlier,” I explained awkwardly as he grabbed my hand to pull towards him, plonking a bag of cookies onto my palm so hard I was sure they must have been crushed.

“ _Un-freaking-believable_ ,” he muttered, twirling the wand around carelessly above my hand before checking over his shoulder; no one was watching us.

“Ow,” I said quietly, because he’d just whacked me on the head with the plastic wand. Not very hard, but it was the principle of the thing. “Don’t tell me that’s what I get instead of a ‘magic love’ whatever?” I asked petulantly, but his cross look had faded into a grin already.

“Maybe you’ll get something better later,” he said cheekily, and it was my turn to blush. “I’m free after this. Hang tight while I go get changed,” he said quietly before standing up, blowing me a huge kiss and skipping across the room. The man at the next table was glaring at me and I sunk back down in my seat again, broken cookies clutched in my hands as I wondered how I was suddenly the one feeling embarrassed in this equation.  

“Thank you for joining us today,” The leader of the magical girls was saying, and I saw that the other patrons were all rising from their seats. “Travel safely! Come visit us again soon!”

Half a dozen maids had lined up by the doors, bowing them out as they mostly left in an orderly fashion. I felt out of place and awkward sitting alone at the table as the room emptied. Sakurai had told me to wait but I wasn’t sure if I’d be allowed to, but before I could make a decision I saw the red-haired maid from earlier walk up to the magical girl, and after a brief whispered conversation she was returning to my table.

“So what did you think?” she asked, casting a glance back at the front doors closing behind the last patron and putting the open can of beer on the table. As I watched she pulled out the chair next to mine, taking a seat as she added, “Your boyfriend’s a pretty good dancer, hey?”

“Yeah, he is,” I agreed, wondering where my confidence was coming from as she grinned wickedly at me.

“Oh, I like you,” she announced happily, taking a swig of her beer. “I’m Ruby,” she said, wiping at her mouth with the back of her hand as I stared at her wide-eyed. So _this_ was Ruby. She pulled a face as I hesitated, quickly adding, “Or Hitomi, whatever you prefer.”

“Hitomi-san,” I immediately picked the normal option and she laughed as she gave me an understanding look.

“It’s a bit crazy in here, right?” I nodded my agreement, but she seemed normal enough. Not exactly the insane woman Sakurai had made her out to be, anyway. The rest of the girls had initially hung back but they were crowding around us now and I looked up as I heard someone ask,

“Who’s this?”

I shot to my feet, ducking my head in a bow as I introduced myself.

“I’m Shinji Ishida,” I said, and I saw a few of them exchange smiles. “Sorry I’m in the way,” I apologised, but I was being taken by the arm by the lead magical girl as a chorus of “Shin-chan”’s broke out around me.

“It’s so great to finally meet you!” she said happily, shaking my arm enthusiastically. “I’m Mitsuha, by the way.” Suddenly everyone was introducing themselves and I knew there was no way I was going to remember everyone’s names.

“Ok, ladies, time to pack up!” Hitomi called, effectively saving me from the onslaught and I sat down again gratefully as she gestured me to a chair. The rest of them were drifting towards the curtains, casting disappointed looks over their shoulders. “Sakurai’s my fav, y’know,” she said, shooting a fond look off towards the curtained-off room. “He’s a good kid.”

“I think so too,” I said honestly, and she grinned at me happily.

“Did you guys have fun?” she asked, and I wasn’t sure how to answer her. “On your trip?” she clarified.

“Oh. Yeah, it was great,” I said simply, not wanting to go into the details with someone I’d only just met.

“Thank fuck for that. He worked his ass off for that trip,” Hitomi told me, taking a swig of her drink as I stared at her in shock. “I told him I was happy to give him an advance but he insisted on working double shifts.” She shrugged like it was unbelievable that anyone wouldn’t take the easy way out; my jaw dropped as she continued obliviously. “I mean, have you ever tried to do that kid a favour? I had to trick him the other day and tell him I short-changed him just to get him to accept lunch money,” she said with a shake of her head. “I’m glad he’s got you though,” she said earnestly. “I was so worried about sending him to that snobby rich-kid school.”

I was still staring, utterly bewildered, and finally managed to choke out a hesitant “What?”

“My dragon of a grandmother owns your school, kiddo,” she said with a grin. “When I found out he’d just quit I told him _over my dead body_. He’s too smart to drop out now, so I got Gran to waive the tuition.” My jaw dropped open in amazement.

“ _You_ sent him to Meirin?” I finally found my voice to ask in disbelief, and she nodded, clearly pleased with herself.

“ _Literally_ ,” she stressed. “I mean I even have to drive him sometimes,” she said with a fond smile. “And he might be the hardest working employee I have but you’d never think it with the way I have to bribe him to study.” Pieces of the puzzle were starting to fall into place. It had been _Hitomi’s_ car I’d seen giving Sakurai a lift to school that day. And given everything I knew about her now it seemed likely that Hitomi was the one saved on Sakurai’s phone as “Evil Overlord”. My eye fell on the can as she set it back on the table again, and with a flash of relief I noted it was the same brand I’d seen in the study selfie Sakurai had sent. I couldn’t believe I’d spent all this time worrying that it’d been Keisuke.

“You better keep taking good care of him, ok hun?” she said mock-seriously, one hand on her hip as she wagged a finger in my face.  

“I’ll do my best,” I told her with a rueful smile, because if she knew Sakurai as well as she seemed to, I was sure she’d realise that sometimes it was an uphill battle.

There was a shriek of girl’s laughter from the other room before I heard Sakurai yelling over the top of it “no no _no_!” in a panicky voice and then he was bursting through the curtains, still pulling his arm through one sleeve of his shirt and tripping over his feet as he ran towards us.

“Ruby!” he shouted, coming to rest with his hands on his thighs as he tried to catch his breath. “Shut up! What’re you telling him?” he asked between breaths, and she smiled sweetly at him.

“Just nice things,” she said with an air of innocence, throwing me an obvious wink that had Sakurai groaning as he reached for my arm.

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” he insisted, and I let him tug me to my feet.

“Thanks, Hitomi-san,” I called over my shoulder as he dragged me back towards the curtain. “It was really great meeting you!”

Sakurai’s ears were as red as Hitomi’s hair as she called back that we’d have a much longer chat next time.

“There’s _so much_ we have to talk about!” she called out, and I grinned back at her before I was roughly pulled through the curtains.

## #

Once we were out of sight the hold on my wrist had lessoned until he let go completely and I followed him silently down the corridor. We’d gone straight to the exit and he pushed the door closed behind us, leaning on it heavily for a moment before giving me a level stare.  

“What did Ruby say to you?” he asked, and for a moment I almost wanted to tease him but the worry in his voice was influencing me to calm his fears instead.

“Nothing, really. Like she said: just nice things,” I told him, and he shook his head ruefully.

“She likes stirring up trouble,” he said with a darted look at the closed door before he moaned. “God! I can’t believe you saw all that.” He’d slapped a hand over his face and I could see the blush colouring his cheeks again as I shrugged.  

“It wasn’t really that bad, y’know. Sakura-chan’s a pretty good dancer. Although,” I gave him a sidelong glance as he gave me a sidelong glance. “I’m feeling a bit confused; I’ve never thought girls could be sexy before.” He barked a surprised laugh, reaching out to give me a shove.

“I’m never going to live this down, am I?” he said forlornly, but there was still a trace of a smile on his face.

 _Never_ , I thought to myself before saying out loud, “I’m serious,” but the smile on my face was giving me away. “Do you think I might be bi after all?” He laughed again as I reached for him. “We should check. Quick, do that hip thing again.” My hands had found his hips and his hands were on my shoulders, holding me back for another few seconds before the tension in his arms relaxed and he moved closer.

“I’m not dressing up for you, pervert,” he muttered in my ear as I laughed.

“That’s ok,” I told him honestly. “I prefer you like this anyway.”

He kissed me this time and I followed his lead, letting him turn us until I was pushed up against the wall as I pulled him closer. This was better than last time, because I could tilt my head now and when I did his lips were gently parting mine. But Sakurai seemed to realise that hanging around the staff entrance was a good way to get busted by his co-workers, because he was already pulling away.

“We should go,” he suggested, still sounding a little breathless and not trusting my own voice I nodded my agreement, our hands finding each other’s in the dark as we turned to descend the stairs. The clanging sound of our footsteps echoed loudly in the still night air. Akihabara was so different at this hour compared to the bustling crowds I was familiar with. Beyond the alley there must have been foot traffic but as we reached the last step we’d yet to see another soul until a dark suited man materialised from the shadows. With everything that had happened in the last hour I’d completely forgotten why I’d come here in the first place. My heart sank as I felt Sakurai’s hand tighten around mine because there were more of them walking slowly towards us from the other end of the alley. We were outnumbered and surrounded, and Sakurai had taken a step forward so that he was between me and the approaching figures.

“Run if you get a chance,” he whispered over his shoulder, but there was no way I was abandoning him here. I squeezed his hand reassuringly as the suits in front of us parted to reveal a much younger man.

“Jun,” he addressed him warmly, and I was surprised to see that Sakurai was no longer on edge, but breaking into a tentative smile as he returned the greeting.

 

“Hashimoto-dono!” he replied, bending at the waist in a hastily executed bow before he took a step forward. I saw the stranger’s eyes flick to me and I quickly dropped my gaze. So this was Hashimoto, the fair and reasonable yakuza boss. I was surprised how normal he looked – just like any other salary man in a suit. I fought the ridiculous urge to laugh as I realised I’d been picturing him swanning around in a yukata, a katana slung at his waist as he ordered people to chop their own fingers off.

 

“I’ve been hearing some troubling things recently,” he said meaningfully. “Possibly the most distressing was my idiot brother’s assault on both you and your friend.” I looked up in surprise at that. The suits parted again and a forlorn-looking Keisuke appeared, clearly sulking. It looked like someone had punched him in the face. I very uncharitably hoped it had broken his nose. Sakurai stepped defensively between Keisuke and I as the elder Hashimoto continued. “Please accept our humblest apologies for his actions,” he said gravely, and at a gesture from him Keisuke gingerly got down on his knees.

 

“Sorry,” he said in a sullen voice, so quietly I thought I might have imagined it.

 

“ _Keisuke!_ ” his brother spat harshly and he flinched, but I could still hear a faintly defiant “ _tch_ ” before he bowed low.

“I’m sorry,” he said, louder this time although the sentiment didn’t exactly sound heartfelt. Hashimoto-san had dismissed him with a wave of his hand and I watched as Keisuke was pulled to his feet and escorted away.

“As you know, we are family.” He came closer until I could see his face clearly and Sakurai took an automatic step back. When he bumped into me and I immediately reached out to steady him, my hands resting on his shoulders even after he’d caught his balance. “But it’s not my habit to keep those who don’t want to stay.” The mood was changing; Sakurai looked back at me with a hopeful look on his face before turning back to Hashimoto.

“I don’t want to stay,” he said firmly, and he nodded seriously.

“I know,” he said sadly, before adding, “You have my word you won’t be bothered again.”

## #

They were leaving.

Hashimoto had bowed to Sakurai before turning and walking away, his entourage vanishing into the night and it felt surreal, almost like we’d imagined the whole thing because they were _leaving_ and Sakurai was still _here_.

“Sakurai?” I asked hesitantly, because it seemed too good to be true. “Did all that mean what I think it meant?” but Sakurai wasn’t listening, too busy dancing in circles as he pulled me after him with both hands.

“Free free free free _freeee_!” he sang happily, and his smile was infectious.  

“It’s also late late late,” I told him sensibly, trying to get him to calm down long enough to talk sense. “Come on, let’s go.”  

I knew I should go home but when we got to the station and Sakurai asked me which platform I was heading to I turned him towards the one that would take us to his place.

“I’m sleeping over,” I said simply to his questioning gaze.

“You remember I don’t have a futon anymore, right?” he pointed out, and I turned us around to march in the opposite direction.

“You’re sleeping over,” I corrected, adding, “For the love of god don’t wake up my mother.”

The trains were almost empty this late and we found seats next to each other, Sakurai’s head dropping onto my shoulder as he let himself relax for the first time in a long time. I was thinking about everything Sakurai had told me about Hashimoto, how his face had lit up when he’d realised who it was. It seemed too good to be true but it really seemed like it was over now; the boss was back in town. Sakurai wouldn’t need to worry about them anymore.

“What’re you thinking about?”

His voice startled me; I’d thought he’d been asleep.

“How lucky I am to have met you,” I confessed, feeling an embarrassed flush when his hand found mine, fingers lacing together firmly. 

“Nah,” he said easily, head dropping to my shoulder again. “It’s the other way around.”

He didn’t let go of my hand.

We’d managed to sneak back into the house without waking anyone up, which was a miracle. I’d given him some clothes to change into and by the time I was crawling into bed beside him he was already curled on his side, blanket pulled up to his chin as his chest rose and fell rhythmically. In the light from the bedside lamp I could see now that he must’ve removed his makeup in a hurry, because there was still a slightly darker pink tinge to his lips along with a faint trace of eyeshadow.

“You’re gonna need to wash your face before Rui sees you tomorrow,” I whispered softly. “Unless you wanna be her new doll.”

“Whatever you want, Shinji,” he murmured in reply, shifting closer as I summoned up every last bit of my courage to whisper back,

_“Sweet dreams, Jun.”_

## #

It was easier to explain Sakurai’s presence at the breakfast table than I’d thought it would be. My mother had accepted our weakly cobbled together story that Sakurai had turned up at midnight after he’d been locked out of his apartment. That led to an abridged explanation of why Sakurai lived alone and to my surprise she’d immediately suggested he sleep over for the weekend, because while he could probably get a locksmith out today it would also cost a fortune.

“And it’s not like you need to be up for school, is it?” she said, turning back to the stove where she was flipping pancakes, a development I was sure was entirely for Sakurai’s benefit. Ma had been eating toast in the kitchen until her new favourite son had sunk bleary-eyed into a chair and mumbled a sleepy “good morning”.

After breakfast Sakurai mentioned there were a few things he needed if he was staying the weekend, so we announced we were going to buy Sakurai some supplies and I slung my school bag over my shoulder. Rather than going back to his apartment, we gave authenticity to our cover story by turning in the opposite direction of the station, heading towards the local convenience store. I was halfway down the street before I noticed Sakurai wasn’t beside me anymore.

“Are you coming? If you don’t hurry up I’m leaving you behind!” I called back but it was an empty threat; I’d turned around to wait for him.

“I didn’t know there was a shrine here.”

He sounded surprised and I followed his gaze to the faded red tori gate across the street. I’d been about to tell him it was just a neighbourhood shrine, not particularly special or notable when I looked down at my bag, suddenly remembering the broken charm I’d been carrying around for weeks now.  

“Yeah, do you mind if we go in?” I asked, already stepping up to the curb as I checked for traffic. “There’s something I’ve gotta do here.” He nodded, following me across the street and we washed our hands before moving up to the little windowed building where a bored looking teenager was drumming her nails on the counter.

“Hi,” I said awkwardly, unzipping my bag to pull out the broken charm. “I accidently broke this,” I explained, offering it to her as she reached out to take it with both hands. “I need to buy a new one.” She looked down at the charm, examining where the string had snapped.  

“You didn’t break it,” she said simply, the red charm disappearing between her hands as she carried it to a box. “It’s been used.” I stared at her, mouth hanging open in shock as she sat back down in her chair. “Did you still want to buy another one?” she asked, the bored tone already back as her eyes flicked to Sakurai standing by my side. “It seems like your wish already came true though.” I had no idea how to respond, but Sakurai had clamped me to his side, an arm around my shoulders as he gave the girl a mock salute.

“Thanks, sis,” he said with a grin that I suddenly couldn’t help returning. “You’re right; we’ll be fine.”

 

# Epilogue

“Please try Maid Town! Have a free welcome drink!” I called out to a passing salary man, holding out a flyer and trying to remember everything Ruby had said about looking alluring. What was it again? Something about eyelashes and appearing shy. I still wasn’t sure I was getting it right, but the suit took the flyer anyway, so I was counting it as a win. “Come visit us soon!” I added as the man turned away, and when he ducked his head in a curt bow I smiled. _Ok, so this’s actually not that hard_ , I thought happily, but just then I felt my heeled boot catch in a crack in the pavement and _oh fuck I’m gonna fall on my face this is so embarrassing_. My hands shot out, flyers still clutched tightly in my hands as I lunged into the press of bodies surging down the crowded side walk and I squeezed my eyes shut tight because if I was gonna go ass-up on the ground I didn’t want to see it, but suddenly I felt my fall stop short and when I opened my eyes I was staring at a boy who looked about my age.

“Careful, klutz,” he said in a bored voice, and I couldn’t help my smirk as I reached up to check the blonde wig I was wearing over my own dyed brown hair was still in place.

“I hope you don’t speak to your girlfriend like that,” I said coyly, but the spot of colour that appeared in the boy’s cheeks seemed less flustered and more annoyed by the teasing than anything, and he was recovering from his embarrassment fast.

“Try not to trip over your own feet next time,” he replied dryly, and when he stood up and straightened his bag strap I caught sight of a bright red charm swinging from it. _Aww, what a cutie_ , I thought gleefully, and before he could leave I pressed a flyer into his hand.

“Thank you for saving me, Master.” I was fighting to keep the grin off my face as charm-boy’s blush suddenly intensified. “Come back and visit me soon?” He looked mortified as he took a step away and fled, and I watched his figure as he disappeared down the crowded street.   _I love my new job_ , I thought happily, sending up a silent prayer of thanks. It was turning out to be super easy, I had friendly co-workers and the best boss I could have ever asked for, but on top of all that I also got to have fun teasing cute boys. Charm-boy had disappeared in the crowd, but as I turned and offered a smile and a flyer to another passer-by I caught myself hoping that my saviour would make a return visit someday soon.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who read this to the end. I'm really shit at writing updates but holla at me on [tumblr ](https://evaricious.tumblr.com/) if you wanna know what I'm working on next.


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